while i was looking through some of taemin's vids this evening, i discovered something that i think i wasnt supposed to know about. well, i think of it that way, because i see myself in a very tangled state when i knew about this. i realized that it wud be better off for me if i didnt know anything about this, like before, but now that i already knew, it's just adding up to the tonnes of problem that im having right now. now, i have more and more reasons to forget and get over my kpop craze. day by day, im having more doubts about this silly fantasy im having with those guys im calling my uppas. should i just do that?
i dont know why i should care, but that's not important. the only thing i know is that i just feel uncomfortable. i feel something tingly deep inside of me when i see that there was someone close to those people ive always been so far from. i feel so..... sick of looking them teasing around and having a great time together. like i think that i should be in that place, spending time with them. i deserve that position beside them, rather than her. i guess that feeling is.... JEALOUSY. could it really be real?
now that the uppas already have someone that could look over them and they feel comfortable with, i guess it's time that i should move on and just think about myself. will that be okay? im afraid that it would be a good thing to do. but staying is most likely only going to give me more things to feel like i should just probably go. just seeing how wonderful they feel being around each other makes me feel bad. and it even makes me feel bad for feeling bad when seeing that they're happy. that's a bad thing, right? i dont want to do anything bad to them. GOSH, i mustve really got it bad.
why am i really doing this anyway? im just some ordinary 17-year old (to be) raging with hormones. maybe it's temporary. maybe i will get over this soon, just the way i easily i got over that silly obsession on cloud 9 candies when i was 7. it's supposed to be that way, right? i'll just imagine those uppas like cloud 9 candies. then maybe things will turn out fine. i can leave them be like the way i let the cloud 9 candies the way they be. it should be fine. yeah. it's gotta be easy.
GOSH, who am i kidding?!! im really confused right now. i think im going to cry right here, right now. i need to talk to someone, but who would be understanding enough to understand me? they might think that im just some silly girl, obsessed with people who i dont even know and never met. im not just some ordinary fan. im serious. and when i say that i wanna meet them, im serious. do i sound like a lunatic saying that out loud? coz i dont feel like one.
huh~ people will never understand. because they dont feel the same way as me. they've never seen what ive seen. not in the bad way.
ohh... im sounding like a lunatic.
taemin uppa!!! im so confused right now!! should i just walk away? SHOULD I?!! ANSWER ME!!
pabo.
:"(
i dont know why i should care, but that's not important. the only thing i know is that i just feel uncomfortable. i feel something tingly deep inside of me when i see that there was someone close to those people ive always been so far from. i feel so..... sick of looking them teasing around and having a great time together. like i think that i should be in that place, spending time with them. i deserve that position beside them, rather than her. i guess that feeling is.... JEALOUSY. could it really be real?
now that the uppas already have someone that could look over them and they feel comfortable with, i guess it's time that i should move on and just think about myself. will that be okay? im afraid that it would be a good thing to do. but staying is most likely only going to give me more things to feel like i should just probably go. just seeing how wonderful they feel being around each other makes me feel bad. and it even makes me feel bad for feeling bad when seeing that they're happy. that's a bad thing, right? i dont want to do anything bad to them. GOSH, i mustve really got it bad.
why am i really doing this anyway? im just some ordinary 17-year old (to be) raging with hormones. maybe it's temporary. maybe i will get over this soon, just the way i easily i got over that silly obsession on cloud 9 candies when i was 7. it's supposed to be that way, right? i'll just imagine those uppas like cloud 9 candies. then maybe things will turn out fine. i can leave them be like the way i let the cloud 9 candies the way they be. it should be fine. yeah. it's gotta be easy.
GOSH, who am i kidding?!! im really confused right now. i think im going to cry right here, right now. i need to talk to someone, but who would be understanding enough to understand me? they might think that im just some silly girl, obsessed with people who i dont even know and never met. im not just some ordinary fan. im serious. and when i say that i wanna meet them, im serious. do i sound like a lunatic saying that out loud? coz i dont feel like one.
huh~ people will never understand. because they dont feel the same way as me. they've never seen what ive seen. not in the bad way.
ohh... im sounding like a lunatic.
taemin uppa!!! im so confused right now!! should i just walk away? SHOULD I?!! ANSWER ME!!
pabo.
:"(
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