a few months back, the posts that id written on this blog was all about how paranoid and jumpy my mom could get, and how she really seems to control each and everything that i wanna do. but right now i think im gonna need all of those jumpi-ness and paranoia. because the last thing i wanna do is become someone mom-less. so as long as i have her and him here, i think i'll have to endure those. besides, that's what parents are for. they paradox of becoming a parent is we must make ourselves unneeded, and the paradox of being a child is that you discover you need your parents only after you think you dont.
ive been spending my whole life being independent. i go forth on my own. i went to school trips inside and outside the country on my own. i entered competititions, most of them without my parents' support, because i think i can do this without them, to show them that im independent and strong enough to be let free in this world. and at exactly the moment i stopped listening to my parents, i finally hear what they've been saying all this while. i finally see the reason why they'd stopped me from doing so many things that i thought a teenager like me should get involved with. why my mom was to nervous on letting me going out with my friends on our own, even when i told her that we'd be fine because my friends would lead me all the way. right now when i dont have them around me, being somewhere far away across the oceans and boundaries, that i finally hear all the advices they'd been giving me all this while.
until then, i know that my parents will be waiting. even if i cannot hear them anymore. even if cant feel them, they'll constantly whisper in my ears- dont do this, coz it's gonna harm you. dont trust them, coz they're gonna backstab you. things like that- to protect me from harm. coz that's what parents are supposed to do. and they're doing that not only because they're my parents and they have a duty to fulfill on their behalf. they do that, now i know, because the love me. because im a daughter of theirs. and that paranoia they have of giving too much freedom which id been thinking of as possesiveness, was actually a sense of protectiveness, which all parents will have towards their children. and i can be considered lucky because i still have my parents at the time that i finally realize this.
from this day onwards, i'll still take trips. i'll still take chances. no matter where i go and whom i meet, i'll still take off the way i did from the very beginning. and every once in a while, i'll take a walk and think back about what my parents used to tell me- it's education that drives my life forward.
that's the only thing that my parents are wrong in all of the things they said to me. ibu n ayah, it's not education that's gonna drive my life forward. it's something much more complicated than getting an A+ in add maths, chem, and physics. it's much harder to grasp than rocket science and einstein's e=mc0.
it's something complex, which scientists would call 'an undescribable emotion that creates an almost imaginary bond between two or more complex organisms'.
i call it love.
:D
ive been spending my whole life being independent. i go forth on my own. i went to school trips inside and outside the country on my own. i entered competititions, most of them without my parents' support, because i think i can do this without them, to show them that im independent and strong enough to be let free in this world. and at exactly the moment i stopped listening to my parents, i finally hear what they've been saying all this while. i finally see the reason why they'd stopped me from doing so many things that i thought a teenager like me should get involved with. why my mom was to nervous on letting me going out with my friends on our own, even when i told her that we'd be fine because my friends would lead me all the way. right now when i dont have them around me, being somewhere far away across the oceans and boundaries, that i finally hear all the advices they'd been giving me all this while.
until then, i know that my parents will be waiting. even if i cannot hear them anymore. even if cant feel them, they'll constantly whisper in my ears- dont do this, coz it's gonna harm you. dont trust them, coz they're gonna backstab you. things like that- to protect me from harm. coz that's what parents are supposed to do. and they're doing that not only because they're my parents and they have a duty to fulfill on their behalf. they do that, now i know, because the love me. because im a daughter of theirs. and that paranoia they have of giving too much freedom which id been thinking of as possesiveness, was actually a sense of protectiveness, which all parents will have towards their children. and i can be considered lucky because i still have my parents at the time that i finally realize this.
from this day onwards, i'll still take trips. i'll still take chances. no matter where i go and whom i meet, i'll still take off the way i did from the very beginning. and every once in a while, i'll take a walk and think back about what my parents used to tell me- it's education that drives my life forward.
that's the only thing that my parents are wrong in all of the things they said to me. ibu n ayah, it's not education that's gonna drive my life forward. it's something much more complicated than getting an A+ in add maths, chem, and physics. it's much harder to grasp than rocket science and einstein's e=mc0.
it's something complex, which scientists would call 'an undescribable emotion that creates an almost imaginary bond between two or more complex organisms'.
i call it love.
:D
1 comment:
i love it SYAFIQAAAAAH :) u shud proud of them :)
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