i have a big problem with my self-esteem. my confidence level will make the brave lion of oz guffawing and barfing on the ground, feeling authentic. well, this seems odd, coming from someone who'd been on stage and facing one whole hall full of expecting spectators more times than anyone else i know, a debater, in fact, but that's the reality. to put things straight, i have androphobia. that means that i have an unreasonable fear of men. yupe. most of my friends i keep in contact are girls, to be honest, ALL of them are girls. and i had been keeping my feeling a secret from this one person for 5 years already, without ever having the guts to tell him about it. i used to be fine with it, since being in an all-girls school means that you have as little contact with the opposite sex as possible, and id never had the pretence to make an effort to make friends with any guys around. well, my teachers are male, my debate coach is a male, (although i doubt that :D), but in my view, i dont see them as males. yeah. you know what i mean.
and now that id left high school, im really hating the fact that we have no single sex varsities here in malaysia. not that im planning on pursuing my higher education here in malaysia anyway. there are some girl varisities in countries like south korea and japan, but chances for me to get myself there are very slim. there are no scholarships that can get me there, anyway. unless im unreasonably smart that i earned myself a scholarship which lets me have the money and chance to pick which country AND varsity i wanna go tom which is also impossible.
i know this would be coming. the teachers warned us about this time and time again when we were in stf, saying that we cant always stay comfortable goofing around acting like the world's dominated by girls only. some day in the future when we leave school we will have to face the outside world, where surprisingly, there exists an unpeccable, impossible to understand species called the males. be awed, be scared, be HORRIFIED. fall off your chair but dont get a heart attack. they're not worth to die for. as much as i hate this, i still have to go to college or university with this species. oh, the beauty of life.
now im trying to figure out a way to survive college without suffering heartburns, and possibly suicide attempts. how the heck am i supposed to do that?!!!
and now that id left high school, im really hating the fact that we have no single sex varsities here in malaysia. not that im planning on pursuing my higher education here in malaysia anyway. there are some girl varisities in countries like south korea and japan, but chances for me to get myself there are very slim. there are no scholarships that can get me there, anyway. unless im unreasonably smart that i earned myself a scholarship which lets me have the money and chance to pick which country AND varsity i wanna go tom which is also impossible.
i know this would be coming. the teachers warned us about this time and time again when we were in stf, saying that we cant always stay comfortable goofing around acting like the world's dominated by girls only. some day in the future when we leave school we will have to face the outside world, where surprisingly, there exists an unpeccable, impossible to understand species called the males. be awed, be scared, be HORRIFIED. fall off your chair but dont get a heart attack. they're not worth to die for. as much as i hate this, i still have to go to college or university with this species. oh, the beauty of life.
now im trying to figure out a way to survive college without suffering heartburns, and possibly suicide attempts. how the heck am i supposed to do that?!!!
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