because you're strong

if there's something i dont want to go through my entire life, it's losing my loved ones. id rather be the one who went away than be the one being left behind. if you ask me a few years ago what i fear the most in my life, i would have told you i fear death, after Allah. but now, i have a gnawing thought in my mind that it would be better if i go earlier than my parents or anyone else in my family. the pain of losing someone... it's harder to bear than death itself. 


a close friend of mine lost her father just now. i feel sorry for her, and i share her grief. he was a great and good man, her father. he helped me and my siblings when we were in trouble back when we were still in primary school. the memory i had of him were all images of him smiling and being kind. even though i wasnt really close to her family, i knew that things were great between them. and that she loves him dearly.


when i met her later today, she was completely torn, both inside and out. she was completely different from what i remember her to be. i guess over the years, i was just too selfish thinking about myself and my feelings that id never took the opportunity to really embrace her as a friend. i thought that things were going great for her, and i never cared to ask her if there were anything that were messing up with her mind. that was where i did wrong. for not doing enough to help her when she was in need. 


im afraid even at the thought of death. but my feelings dont matter right now. i have a responsibility as a friend to be here for her at the time when she needs a companion, a friend the most. 


when we just look at things in a flash, judging just from the tip of the iceberg, we'd easily say that it wasnt fair. when we lose someone we love, it is always too soon. believe it or not, no matter how much time we were given to enjoy life with them, it will never be enough. the truth is, some people never die. they simply just fade away. but in the thoughts of the people they'd given an impact in their lives, they're never gone. 


Al-fatihah.

pray. be hopeful.

i know im not in the position to have the right to say this to you, especially after what you've been through. you probably never want to hear from me ever again. you probably hates me more than everything right now. heck, you probably wish me dead. but that's so not you, because i know who you are and you will never have the heart to do that. but if that's really what you think of me, then im sorry. im terribly sorry for putting you through whatever it was that caused you to change so extremely that i cant recognize who you are anymore. 


i dont know much, but i know this. that if you're having a hard time, and whenever you feel down in the dumps, and you think that you're completely alone in this problem that you're facing, you're wrong. you 'll always have someone to turn to in every hour, every breath, every step that you take. there's always someone who will pick you up when you fall, someone will always be there to cheer you at your greatest and be proud of your achievements. HE's there with you all the time.


and yes, maybe i have no right to say anything to you. ive lost that credential months ago. now i realize, i did not just leave a friend, i abandoned one. i fleed at the time when they needed me the most, because i was a coward. now i dont know how to say sorry, im not sure if i can ever ask for forgiveness. i dont know if i can say anything to encourage you. but i always hope that you'll realize what importance you hold, and how many people depends on you and that you can never give up because you're not a quitter. for as long as i knew you, ive always known that you're a fighter. you'll stop at nothing. and im sure that this time, you wont quit, especially when it involves her, your mother. 


be strong. dont give up. Allah will always be with those who stays patient and believe in him. the more you're challenged, the bigger and the grander the fruit you'll gain. 


insyaAllah. 

timeline

the crazy thing about falling in love is that it'll end. one minute you're so into that person, and the next, you're so eager to get the hell away from them, as far away as possible. 

excuse me for my use of words which might seem like swearing to you. i just chose it, for the lack of a better word. hey, my vocabulary's not THAT powerful and far-fetched, you know. not when im doing nothing but dozing off and watching my kittens grow into big monsters here at home anyway. 

in this case, i did not fall out of it. i did not wish that person dead. indeed, i wish him to be happy in all prospects. and for that reason, i need to get myself as far away from him as possible. oh, i know what you could probably be thinking right now. so korean-drama-ish. haha. believe me, im not motivated by some tear-jerking, heart-rendering, suicidal sad love stories. im just motivated by myself, what i want and what i dont want to happen to myself in the future which seems so far away, yet so near right now. i hate using this word, but im unsure. im contemplating so many things in my head right now. im trying to get some bended, dented things straight. and to do that, i need to be free. free from every single thing that might get into my way and stop me from achieving what i need and what i want to be.

there's also the fact where im afraid of what fate could have in store for me, if i keep on clinging to this silly feeling, this monkey-kind of situation. because of something that my mom told me. because im worried about myself and what might come of me in 10 years' time. surely i dont want to keep being the person i am now, so vulnerable, so weak, so easy to be stepped on? no, no NO.

and yet i did not make this decision with no repercussions in mind. yes, i know. i understand. these things are better off unintended and untended. God has a way in making matters fall into position the right time at the right place. someday when it's the right time, i'll find the right person and things will turn out just right, like in fairytales. and i have faith in Allah for that. if there's someone out there made for me, then l just let Allah on deciding how to make things work in HIS own way. i have no need in heeding that. All i have to do is pray. Pray to meet someone that will be good and treat me kindly. Pray for someone that will respect and accept me the way i am, and not what he wants me to be. things like that. 

right now, the only thing i have in mind is scoring that scholarship and making my family proud. i want to be the best doctor any medical schools could afford to produce, one that every hospitals would want to take in. i want my future to be better than my parents' because that's what they wanted for me right from the beginning. i know that if i wasnt destined to strive and succeed, then i would never have this opportunity, i would never be blessed with a family so loving and caring as the one i have right now, i would never gain such a powerful debate team that loves me and respects me even when im away. if i wasnt meant to fly, then Allah will never give me these wings. so i have to make good use of it. i have to make it worth, because there are thousands, possibly millions people out there who would kill to have luck as good as mine. great family, good background, and insyaAlllah, wonderfully bright future. and because i have these capabilities and advantages, i will have to use it to help others. with great power comes great responsibilities. 

im not ready to decide on other important things like where i want to go to futher my studies, which college i want to get myself in, or what i should wear for my first day in college. but right now, as frightening and as painful this might turn out, im ready to make one big decision that i hope will be worth the sacrifice. im giving up. the good way. 

and to that person, thanks for all the memories. may fate be good to the both of us as we part ways, and may we be better in the future than what we are today. 

leaving the sad memories with a smile

when this passing life withers away, you came to me

the moment you touched my frozen heart, my life begins.

when you're tired and having a hard time,

please let me stay by your side.

so i can give back to you the love i had only received.

before this life ends.

when i get on my knees and cry before the world,

when i stop my tracks inside the storm.

if you alone are standing

i can handle this much pain and suffering.

if only you are with me.

when i lose my way inside the dark forest

when my young soul is crying

guide me like a light, like a miracle

before this life ends

when i get on my knees and cry before the world

when i stop my tracks inside the storm

if you alone are standing

i can handle this much pain and suffering

if only you are with me

i can surpress whatever pain and tears

all i want is you

only one is you in my life

i won't cry again

absolutely nothing can stop me

but one person

you make me, you perfect me

you make me able to breathe like this

lifeline, technical support. that's what friends are.

The you I love, is leaving me

Though I haven’t yet said a word in my defense

The you I love, says she wants to be happy

I haven’t been able to say a word in pleading

Always, looking at your sad expression

I neglected you under the pretense of being busy

Because I was a wretched fool

I didn’t know then

Because I didn’t know how to love

Because I didn’t know how to hold you warmly

That a soft heart

Would collapse and fall, I didn’t know

And without thinking, I turned away from you

I didn’t know then

Because I didn’t know how to love

I came to leave you alone

Even saying sorry seems awkward

So I’ve passed you by again, pretending not to know

Even if you meet someone else,

He’ll probably be better than me

Because of this, I’m sending you away

Even if I meet someone else,

It’ll never be you

Because of this, I can’t erase you

All that’s left is a sorry heart

All I have left to say is goodbye

Even though my heart knows

I didn’t know then

Because I didn’t know how to love

Because I didn’t know how to hold you warmly

That a soft heart

Would collapse and fall, I didn’t know

And without thinking, I turned away from you

I didn’t know then

Because I didn’t know how to love

I came to leave you alone

Even saying sorry seems awkward

So I’ve passed you by again, pretending not to know

Even though I know now

Even though I know how to love

The person whom I wish to love isn’t here

A love that has given only tears

I hope everyone will forget and be happy at all costs

Everyday, while crying, all I do is pray

That in my next life, I won’t have a young love

When I really understand love,

If I meet you then, I’ll take you into my arms

So that we’ll only have happy dreams

Even though now, I’m sending you away

repercussions

i have a big problem with my self-esteem. my confidence level will make the brave lion of oz guffawing and barfing on the ground, feeling authentic. well, this seems odd, coming from someone who'd been on stage and facing one whole hall full of expecting spectators more times than anyone else i know, a debater, in fact, but that's the reality. to put things straight, i have androphobia. that means that i have an unreasonable fear of men. yupe. most of my friends i keep in contact are girls, to be honest, ALL of them are girls. and i had been keeping my feeling a secret from this one person for 5 years already, without ever having the guts to tell him about it. i used to be fine with it, since being in an all-girls school means that you have as little contact with the opposite sex as possible, and id never had the pretence to make an effort to make friends with any guys around. well, my teachers are male, my debate coach is a male, (although i doubt that :D), but in my view, i dont see them as males. yeah. you know what i mean.

and now that id left high school, im really hating the fact that we have no single sex varsities here in malaysia. not that im planning on pursuing my higher education here in malaysia anyway. there are some girl varisities in countries like south korea and japan, but chances for me to get myself there are very slim. there are no scholarships that can get me there, anyway. unless im unreasonably smart that i earned myself a scholarship which lets me have the money and chance to pick which country AND varsity i wanna go tom which is also impossible.

i know this would be coming. the teachers warned us about this time and time again when we were in stf, saying that we cant always stay comfortable goofing around acting like the world's dominated by girls only. some day in the future when we leave school we will have to face the outside world, where surprisingly, there exists an unpeccable, impossible to understand species called the males. be awed, be scared, be HORRIFIED. fall off your chair but dont get a heart attack. they're not worth to die for. as much as i hate this, i still have to go to college or university with this species. oh, the beauty of life.

now im trying to figure out a way to survive college without suffering heartburns, and possibly suicide attempts. how the heck am i supposed to do that?!!!

tough luck

my sunny days have come to an end, for the time being. it's raining HEAVILY, i tell you! it's definitely not laundry day since last 2 days. even the clothes i hung up yesterday havent dried up yet! i think im getting sick of the cold, not that im not thankful of the rain. but well, you know how i really miss seeing the bright, blue sky. now the only thing i can see when i look out the window is grey. this reminds me of one word in particular- bleak. yep. 

my friends from plkn rung me later yesterday, and we had a wonderful reunion. well, yeah, on the phone. none of us could make it to the other's camp, not that i could ever convince my mom to let me go there anyway, so we made up by spending an hour on the phone, just chatting about nothing in particular. it's great to get along with them after a month of being away from each other. honestly, staying at home and doing nothing but chores, without my friends, makes me feel kind of stupid. because im not used to not have any books to read, and im not used to not have anyone to push me to study, and im not used to not have any homeworks to scour over the weekend, then i feel like im doing nothing. although i did spend a lot of time cleaning the house. i cant believe that im actually itching to reach over and grab that biology reference book id put away in the big basket of high school memorabilias i kept in the corner of the room. ive always loved bio, not because of im kind of good at it (hehe, :D) but because i really actually like it. yeah, you can call me a dork. or a geek, or a teacher's pet. but what can i say, i just like the fact that the human's heart looks like a scene from a horror movie instead of the sweet, innocent feature geometry we'd all been tricked to believe since kindergarten. im a bit relieved, frankly, when i learned the fact. yeah, FREAK.

saving someone.

last year, on my 17th birthday, i was officially someone's supergirl. haha. funny. no, i didnt finally learned the fact that im the daughter of a superhero wearing a cape and his underwear outside his pants, but well, a friend kinda gave me a superman t-shirt, and then everyone started dubbing me as THE supergirl. not that i hate it. suju did made a song which was named in my honour. hehe, i guess im just as irresistable as i think i am. :D hey, kidding.

so, the thing is, ive never really give much thought on me being someone's superhero, because ive got no guts to save my own cat from being hit by a car. what? leaving one animal being an addition to a loooong list of roadkills isnt considered a bad deed for me. believe me, ive done wayyyy more bad things than that. but right now, i have to be someone's superhero. or some people's superhero. im not the best candidate they can afford to find, but im the only one that's available. and im the closest one they can get to a supporter and a coach. well, kinda. im not sure myself if i can handle a whole bunch of debaters eager to be trained, waiting for me to present them tips on winning countless championships and tournaments the way our team did last year. im not really into teaching, neither coaching, and i have a very big problem with my self-esteem. but because i love these girls more than i love my guccis (which is insane, because ive never owned one), then im willing to put it into consideration.

well, to be honest, ive been keeping myself busy with the chores at home because i dont want to find myself with free time that makes me responsible to think about coaching these kids the way i promised them, but hey, who says chores leaves you with no free time? that's just one of the many excuses hosewives made up because they dont want to be burdened with other things that their husbands wanted to lash on them. even after doing the laundry, cleaning the stoves, cooking, wiping the fridge, feeding the cats, cleaning my bathroom, sweeping the whole house AND the lawn, i find myself having as much free time as i ever wanted when i was still in high school, dreaming of palm trees and a nice holiday at a sandy beach. so you can say that i was objected to THINK of it anyway. and as much as i hated to say this, it was stupid. even when i think of this a million times, im still going to be stuck with the same answer out of humanity and yeah, LOYALTY. and yeah, you freaking now this already, the answer's yes. YES i will try to help them in any ways possible.

so here i am, in my very own supergirl way of figuring out what i should do to these girls. if you're a debater, you should know this as well. oh, forget it. even someone who'd never been a debater wouldve known that the most crucial thing of preparing yourself in becoming a GREAT debater, (because im not only helping them to become just a debater) is experience. and i think it's safe to say that's what they're deprived of at the moment. well, yeah, they did went to uiam and uitm iv before, even the royals which i had never been to myself. some of them even made it into the wsc's shortlist, and im very proud of that. and yeah, the dato' cq teo debate challenge in kdu last year. but that's it. if they're really up to the challenge of continuing our painstaking dream which had been lashed for 19 years. of not only getting into the finals of hk, and also winning it, they will have to work more than they are managing at the time. ive never been good in making plans, and planning startegies for any kind of teams and occasions is proven as a challenge for me. the only thing that im comfortable and rejoice in doing is attacking the opponents with pois during debate, wearing that victory smile that ive reserved just for my enemies, to make them feel inferior to me. yeah, it's wicked. but im wicked anyway. hey, i like looking at their faces, how they respond to my scary stare on them. some of them just stared blankly, others looked afraid, which is just what they're supposed to do, while the braver ones gave me the manhattan oneover. which, i still couldnt figure out they do it until now.

but then again, i was back then a weakling myself. and look what ive become. well, im not a prodigy, but im close to being one, if im given the time and chance. but as i said before, i dont think that im gonna take up debating later in the future. then i believe that anyone can become a great debater, if they're given the chance, and if they have the will to succeed. and these girls, believe me, they've got more will that any debaters ive ever met my whole lifetime. and i believe that nothing, not even the new bonda, can come between them and making their dream come true. that's my girl.

the new year brings new challenges to these beauties. and without us three at school anymore, it's going to be quite hard for them, but i know they'll manage. i've always been proud of these girls, because they deserve appreciation and gratitude. and i know that they're going to be better this year.

go girls. im here, your supergirl. if there's anything, just give me a ring, and i'll come running to stf, since ive decided not to learn how to drive. yeah, yeah. im not only afraid of blood and needles, im also afraid of putting myself behind the wheels. but maybe i'll take the bus. that'll be faster.

:D

love, kak pika.

because it's you

love ends, and another ends again

sick of the repetitive pain,

i decided never to fall in love again

to stop wasting time in love

but my friend told me to try again

even when i was invited to come out

i wasnt expecting anything

but as soon as i saw you

as if im possesed, im asking you out to date me without a reason, like this

because you're my last love

because you're the love that i will never meet again

you, who will complete me and be with me forever

you are the person who will embrace all my pain

because i know i finally met you

because i know i should never let you go

you are the fate that i have been waiting for till now

i knew it the moment i saw you

when im next to you, even forever isnt enough

i want to be with you from this moment

i want to make you laugh with my words

knock on your heart

make me your person

and want to date you

that's why im talking so much like this

i knew this the moment i saw you.

ignore this



so here it is. the world from my point of view

haha, so here it is. my window. my only way to see outside. kind of pathetic, i know. it's not like we dont have other windows in this house, but this one is special. well, part of the reason was because it was my bedroom window.

today there's sunshine, and along with it comes the blue sky

flawless.

one of these days im going to snap a picture of the sky through my bedroom window to show you what i see every single day. it's pretty. it's nothing beyond comparison with the pale, dull sky that i used to see back during my days in stf. it was just as hot as i remember it was in jb, but this kind of hot is the best. it's bearable. it's understandable. i like this kind of hot because it shows that it's once again laundry day, and i dont have to worry if it will suddenly rain and i will have to pick up the clothes outside. it's pleasent.
it might not be as pretty as the one above, but i can assure you that it's something of it's own.  maybe i'll do it tomorrow.

haha, the sudden interest and fondness towards the sky. so childish, but that's me. i love the sky. i might not have realized this long ago, but i knew all along who the sky reminds me of. and because of that, each time that i stare in the blue shade and puffs of cloud floating by above my head, i will feel thankful and happy. this is the only thing that can make me completely comfortable. easy.

my honey :)

there's this person ive been thinking about so much lately. we've been pretty close since school ended, even closer than before we left stf for good. i miss this person dearly, as they're a good friend who had been with me through thick and thin. we can finish each others' sentences and know what the other is thinking about. at times when things are too rough to comprehend, we stick by each other's side and find the solutions to problems together. we study together, and laugh together. we cry together, and know each other more than our family knows us. i cant really get by a day without thinking about this friend of mine, because it makes me think that i will never get the chance to find someone as good as they are. a friend in need is a friend indeed. :D i really hope that we're going to end up in the same alma mater, even though she still doesnt know what she's going to persue in the future. she's as clueless about all of this as i was, years ago, before i found out that my passion lies in helping people in their path to heal themselves.

and that person is you, dear hani maisurah. you're a special friend because you know me. and you understand me when i say that i cant let things go easily. you help me when im in need, even stayed patient when i just couldnt get what you were lecturing me on chemistry when you still havent covered much topics even though the exam's just a few days to go. you're my friend because you understand why i keep waiting for something that doesnt seem to work, and encourage me to stay strong all the way. and i keep thinking whether ive appreciated you enough all these years. maybe sometimes i do bad things to you, and pressure you, but i dont mean them. sometimes i throw tantrums, and cause you tremendous heartaches, but that's friendship. thanks for accepting me time and time again anyway. trust me, it's hard to find someone as forgiving as you. you're cool, sister.

dear hani, let's stay friends forever. we might go our separate ways, and we will find new friends. but i dont think i will share with them what i shared with you and emyl. i dont want to tell my secrets to them like how i used to tell them to you and emyl, because they might not understand. they might not get it why im hoping on someone that clearly doesnt notice me. they might not fathom why i cant forget it and just move on. so from this day onwards, if there's anything that happens between me and 85, dont worry. i'll pour it all out on you. all the good and the bad things. so i will keep you updated.

if the sky reminds me of 85, then the sun reminds me of you. because you keep smiling whatever the condition might be, and because you stay with me through windy, rainy, and shiny days.

love, pika.

hey, things are going great here :D

chin up, stomach in. back straight. there. you look more like a srikandi now. if you're really a truly-born srikandi, then you will never let anything stop you in your quest for happiness. a srikandi is not afraid of anything. a true srikandi will never let her fears stop her from keep playing the game. and because im a srikandi, and i dont want to dissapoint these people that are counting me and also for my own amusement, i shall never forget the true qualities of a srikandi. brave. committed. talented. outspoken. yes, im a true srikandi, and i have always been proud to be one. :D

worrying hurts

most of the people i know have moved on. i know i should be doing the same, but i cant. i just cant see myself winning through the fears of my past and letting go of the present. i keep worrying over petty things. i am afraid of my own reflection in the mirror. i get easily hurt by the rude comments made by people around me that seemed harmless to them, but impossible to bear for me. im paranoid, i think those who are laughing around me, are laughing at me. i feel as though a pair of eyes are watching my every move, waiting for me to do one slight mistake and punish me for it. i feel insecure.

why is it so hard to forget people? why is it harder to forget a relationship? and why is it impossible to let go of something that never had the chance to grow? maybe that's it. maybe that's the reason why we cant manage to let those things go, because we knew we never really had the chance to see it grow. to become something we wanted it to be. something we expected them to be.

trust me, if there's anyone that really, really knows what rejection is, it's me. if there's anyone that really, really knows what pain of missing means, it's me. because it seems that im the one that had been through so much of that. both of them. rejection and missing something or someone in particular.

worrying hurts, because you cant settle down at one place without having the thought gnawing in your mind, waiting to be tended to, questions demanding to be given an answer. i worry about things. i worry about people. and what's worse, is that those people will never know how im deeply worried about them, and how troubled i feel when i know that they're in trouble. i cannot tell them, i cannot say anything to them. i have to keep it to myself, coz it's for the best.

am i being selfish? i think so. im being selfish to myself. in what way, i dont know. but it feels like it.

sometimes there are things that i cant quite get a grip on. like why i had to give up so many things just to make sure that everyone else is happy. why i have to endure and bear with what people do to me while i just let people go when they do bad things to me. im not an angle. once in a while i do bad things to others too, and that includes talking back to my parents, ESPECIALLY talking back to my parents. but doesnt that seem unfair too?

im pretty messed up at the moment. please excuse my ramblings. i need to write it down somewhere, and this seems like the best place because no one really reads this blog anyway.

:D

without a heart

If I say that I'm in pain, I'm scared that I'll really be in pain



If I say that I'm sad, I'm scared that I will shed my tears


Why don't I just laugh, just laugh, just laugh...


But people ask me why I'm crying...



Everyday I cry, I smile, cry then smile again


What's wrong with me, why do I do this repeatedly?


Can't differentiate between bottles of alcohol and meals


So far in my life, I never felt pain this excruciating


Absentmindedly, I write your name over and over on a piece of paper


In a day, the paper becomes black and I finally let the pen go


I long for you, I hold on to my cellphone and let it go


my eyes are filling up with tears again, this seperation between us..



I'm without a heart, I don't have a heart


So I wouldn't be feeling pain


Everyday I talk to myself, and put myself under a spell


But even so, I keep shedding my tears



If I say that I'm in pain, I'm scared that I'll really be in pain


If I say that I'm sad, I'm scared that I will shed my tears


Why don't I just laugh, just laugh, just laugh...


But people ask me why I'm crying,


when I'm laughing like this...




After you left, I think I became a fool


I can't do, I can't do anything, so I die.


I shove myself into a corner and live


Without you there's nothing left to do


A day is too long, way too long


But what was I busy with, to make you feel so lonely,


when you wanted to go shopping, going out with my friends


was so easy, but why couldn't I do the same to you?


I always regretted being so slow,


I don't know if I'm really stupid, but I still can't let go of our bond.




I'm without a heart, I don't have a heart


Again today, I can see through your lies


My heart is in so much pain, I'm begging for your help


How can I smile in times like this?




If I say that I'm in pain, I'm scared that I'll really be in pain


If I say that I'm sad, I'm scared that I will shed my tears


Why don't I just laugh, just laugh, just laugh...


But people ask me why I'm crying,


when I'm laughing like this...




(let's smile) like couples in dramas


(let's smile) like the title of your blog


(let's smile) happy like in my past




I'm without a heart, I can't be in pain


I'm without a heart, I can't be in pain


Let's just laugh, just laugh, just laugh


Please, please let's stop crying now...

a letter never sent

4th january 2012

dear saf85,

im staring out the window of my bedroom right now. Ive been doing this all day since i couldnt find anything better to do. Im once again alone at home, and i hate that. Having no one to talk to but my cats- it's impossible to bear. I miss school. I know this sounds weird, coming from someone who was writhing in agony, asking to be brought home and wishing that school would end as soon as possible, in the past. but you know, time changes everything. even my perspective towards life.

saf, today, gladly, it didnt rain. the sky stretched wide across the horizon, with the right shade of blue that gives me peace and calamity. These days ive grown very fond od the sky, especially in the afternoon, when the sun shines ever so brightly and i can see everything outside clearly, even when i had to squint my eyes because it was too bright. The sky reminds of beautiful things and memories. The sky reminds me of my carefree childhood days. It also reminds me of you.

How are you doing? Have the feud between the egyptians ended already? Are there still any rallies in the streets? Do people still get gunned down when they're walking down the road? Is it safe for you to go to school everyday? When will you come back home to Malaysia? Are you doing fine without your family? You know i want to ask you just about everything. I miss you, dear friend. And im worried about you. But there's nothing else i can do than pray to Allah that you things will turn out fine for you. And that you will finish your studies quickly and safely, and get back to your family as soon as possible. I hope and wish for nothing but the best for you.

Im doing fineon my own. There are occassional slips that i did, but that's part and parcel.

The blue sky reminds me of hope. When i stare out into the bluw shade, i think of you enjoying your life there in Egypt. I send you my best wishes through the wind, hoping it will reach you there. childish. :D

85,
 I sincerely hope you will do your best, and recieve the best in everything.

till we meet again.

your friend.