leaving on a jet plane

All my bags are packed, I'm ready to go
I'm standin' here outside your door
I hate to wake you up to say goodbye

But the dawn is breakin', it's early morn
The taxi's waitin', he's blowin' his horn
Already I'm so lonesome I could die

So kiss me and smile for me
Tell me that you'll wait for me
Hold me like you'll never let me go

'Cause I'm leaving on a jet plane
I don't know when I'll be back again
Oh, babe, I hate to go


There's so many times I've let you down
So many times I've played around
I'll tell you now, they don't mean a thing

Every place I go, I think of you
Every song I sing, I sing for you
When I come back I'll wear your wedding ring

So kiss me and smile for me
Tell me that you'll wait for me
Hold me like you'll never let me go

'Cause I'm leaving on a jet plane
I don't know when I'll be back again
Oh, babe, I hate to go

Now the time has come to leave you
One more time, oh, let me kiss you
And close your eyes and I'll be on my way

Dream about the days to come
When I won't have to leave alone
About the times that I won't have to say ...

Oh, kiss me and smile for me
Tell me that you'll wait for me
Hold me like you'll never let me go

'Cause I'm leaving on a jet plane
I don't know when I'll be back again
Oh, babe, I hate to go

And I'm leaving on a jet plane
I don't know when I'll be back again
Oh, babe, I hate to go

But I'm leaving on a jet plane

wanna grow old with you :D

just some old westlife song ive been hearing a lot recently. 

it's sweet!!! :D

lost

a problem can be solved. wars can end with peace. a shattered glass can be glued back together. lost times can be replaced and redeemed. 

but how do you fix a broken friendship? 

and how to find a way to save a relationship when you know that it's already all to late to start anew? 

how do you find the courage to trust the same person when you've been betrayed time and time again?

and how can you refrain yourself from loving the same person you did when you knew you already had reasons to love them in the past?

these miss you nights

I've had many times I can tell you
Times when innocence I'd trade for company
And children saw me crying
I thought I had my share of that
But these miss you nights are the longest


Midnight diamonds stud my heaven
Southwards burning like the jewels that eye your place
And the warm winds that embrace me
Just as surely kissed your face
Yet those miss you nights they're the longest



Lay down all thoughts of your surrender
It's only me who's killing time
play down all dreams once remembered
It's just the same this miss you game

Thinking of my going
How to cut the thread and leave it all behind
Looking windwards, for my compass
I take each day as it arrives
But these miss you nights are the longest


But these miss you nights are the longest


ddt: 110285 140408 242508 
and the past memories wont go away. 

new place, new faces, new things to learn, but same feelings for the same person.

the thing im going to miss most when i leave home  will be the sky. 


it's always the perfect shade of blue here when it's sunny and there's always clouds in the sky. whenever it gets too hot to bear outside, the wind blows soothingly and the wind chime i hung at the porch tingles. the heat doesnt bother me, because it means that it's once again laundry day, and i dont have to worry about the clothes hung outside to dry. for all five years ive spent in stf, ive never come across a day when the sky there in jb could compare with here in my hometown. the color blue always seems to be a few shades paler, and duller. that's the reason ive never bothered to look up and enjoy the sky there in stf. because it made me feel bad about missing my hometown again and again. 


these 7 months ive spent at home, ive learned a lot of things about my parents, and most importantly, myself. ive discovered that i was a bad cook, and an awful planner as well, which made my father had to endure months of having just bread, butter and sugar for breakfast. ive learned the fact that im good at learning a new language when im really interested in it, and ive found out that there's nothing wrong in admitting that you've made a mistake everytime you did. thanks to dr oz, ive learned a lot of things about healthcare even before i started college and majoring in medicine. ive spent lots of time watching medical tv shows, reading self-help books, playing with my cats, doing the chores at home, cycling around the neighbourhood, making new friend(s), losing old ones, and putting my heart back into place. i could say that time was not wasted on me. ive improved a great deal back here at home. 


somewhere at some point in time, i know that i wont be able to enjoy the simplest things in life the way i do right now. time has its way of taking away the youthful carefree feelings and innocence away from someone. no matter how many times i declared that i wont let anything change the way i see life, i know that the inevitable will occur, in any ways it can through. years from now i'll be burdened with new responsibilities, my mind will be bearing new ideas, i'll know new people, forget the old friends i had, and i'll have less time to spend for friends, family and who knows? myself. 


but before any of that can happen, im trying as hard as i could to make sure that i'll be able to enjoy life in any ways possible so i wont regret later on in life, when all of this dissipated. 


not many people knows that the things in our life are not there to stay. and so, they keep on with their businesses, postponing time to just look around and enjoy the wonderful little things Allah has given us humans. they thought that the sky will always remain blue tomorrow, and the day after that, when in truth, it wont. 


and so i'll keep reminding myself to turn around once in a while and look out my window to see the miracles unfolding in the world outside. i'll keep on looking up into the sky, and remember how perfect the sky here looks, and how pleasant it is to feel the heat from the sun on my skin. 


remember, the blue sky is not here to stay. that cute kitten will not stay small forever. the weather will not always be nice. that girl who loves you secretly wont be able to wait for you forever. 


you just need to look around, just once, and see that the one you've been waiting for your whole life time had always been there with you. 


but you've never noticed them. or her.



ddt: 140408 285 0812 and counting. 

jari-jemari salleh~~ (ala2 pondan)

hehe. 


uhum, no credits to me.  this is just some fanart that i fanart-ed. 

i'll see you again

Always you will be part of me

And I will forever feel your strength

When I need it most

You're gone now, gone but not forgotten

I can't say this to your face

But I know you heart

I'll see you again

You never really left

I feel you walk beside me

I know I'll see you again

When I'm lost, when I'm missing you like crazy

I tell myself I'm so blessed

To have had you in my life, my life

When I had the time to tell you

Never thought I'd live to see the day

When the words I should have said

Would come to haunt me

In my darkest hour I tell myself

I'll see you again

I will see you again

I'll see you again

I miss you like crazy

You're gone but not forgotten

I'll never forget you

Someday I'll see you again

I feel you walk beside me

Never leave you, yeah

Gone but not forgotten

I feel you by my side

No this is not goodbye

to 85

From all around the world, there are 230 countries, and among those people I can speak 5 languages. But still, I can’t find the exact word to define our relationship.

credits to sg's kim joo won.  

어떤 사람에게

사랑해요, 낯선자. 

of long-term crushes

이태민씨,

널 찐짜 줗아해요.

 우리 만날수있어요?

of meaningful words and heart-felt confessions.

my friends say that though im turning 18 this year, my way of thinking still resembles that of a 5 year-old. somehow they're convinced that my brain stopped developing when i was at that age, and so the crazy things i did and the stupid things i said. (although im not sure if that's possible. i ought to seek some clarifications on this matter in the medical perspective. since im a doctor-to-be and all). but though i did make some occasional slips and sometimes say the things that was supposed to be said just in my head out loud, i still have own some conscience. well, like sympathy towards others. and care for those in need. and respect for the elders, if not my friends. keke, kidding. 


well, as 'young' as my friends like to think of me, i still think that i deserve some salute for my the things i did and what i intend to do, in the future. not everyone has the ability and will to plan out the next 25 years of their life in advance, and swear with their life they'll stay true to it. when i say im serious, that means im dead serious. i mean, alive serious. anyhow, im not going to tolerate anything less than what i expect to get. of course, i'll put much effort on it while im at it. 


which brings us to the thing that'd been playing out in my mind this whole evening- death. 


 i know what i'll have to go through to get to where i want to be- a medical professional, world-renowed speaker, and insyaAllah, a respected noblewoman in the medical field, known globally for her skills and accuracy. it's going to be a very long road, i tell you, and i already know what path i shall take and what sacrifices i'll have to make to get there. this thing im about to pursue, and about to devote my whole life into, is NOT an easy thing. just becoming a doctor requires tremendous strength not only physically and mentally, but also emotionally. for although i still havent get much grasp of the whole situation, im perfectly aware of the emotional roller-coster a doctor will have to live every single day of her life. 


people may declare that the hardest thing a medical student or a doctor will have to face in the course of their career will be having to keep up with the promises they make to the patients, their families, and those who care for them. these promises are made by trust, and hope that things will get better, that this person they're trusting will be able to help make things be easier and endurable for their loved ones. they gain a sense of security and a glimmer of hope when this person comes to the rescue, and maybe will get everything back to normal, just like before the disease was diagnosed, or before the accident occurred. i, too, felt the same way when my aunt was diagnosed with cancer last year. i hoped, and i really hoped, that the trust that i have for this one person responsible to help my aunt get better will be true to his words and walk his talk. everyone feels the same way. and no matter how different we were as a person before we walk through this threshold of uncertainties and hurt, before we had to expect the worse, we still end up feeling the same way about the same people. 


and have you imagined how hard it could be for a doctor to keep up with that?


i dont know yet if i'll have any issues of handling or confronting dead bodies, but im sure that im not able to do it even with a dead animal. maybe that's a whole different story, because most of the people i will meet in the future as my patients will be no one i know, hopefully. but this, this time, eventhough i barely knew him, i dont know what makes it so hard for me to let go. eventhough id never have any memories of this baby, i felt like a monster knowing the fact that i couldve prevented it from happening. that if i had paid more attention to what's happening outside and not be too absorbed with myself, maybe he'll not die, and will grow up healthy, like the others did. but that didnt happen. and this happened instead. there's no use of looking back, there's nothing i can do to make things right anymore. 


this worries me to the point that i doubt the decision ive made. if i cant handle one small loss like this, then how will i cope when i lose my first patient? how will i ever gain much strength to walk out of that very door, emotionally and physically exhausted, only to be bombarded with questions from his/her loved ones? how will i ever say 'im sorry, he didnt make it'?


for this small, simple thought that all of a sudden came to my mind, it made me realize, that doctors ARE one of the most courageous and brave profession on earth, after a parent. 


i'll spend the rest of the evening mauling on this, though this might seem like a really       
unimportant matter at the time. i'll have years to think this through, insyaAllah, but i just want to make sure that i'll be completely prepared when the real time comes. 


'im sorry, there's nothing left we could do'


how really wonderful it could be if it would be as easy as that. 

of long-distance relationships

late-night phone calls. hm, i guess i;ll have to get used to the idea. 


it's been quite a while since emyl last called, but i cant blame her for that, hehe. it's obvious that she'd grown frustrated because i rarely pick up the phone eveytime she does. 
but last night she called, and we talked for an hour straight! hahaha eventhough it was REALLY late in the morning, she didnt seem tired or sleepy at all, while i was struggling to keep my eyes open and prevent myself from dozing off. it's really wonderful to hear stories from where she's studying, it gives me some sense of what im about to face when i get into my own college. hehe, college life doesnt seem to deter her a bit. so far she's still the same, still staying up late at night to watch kshows. so emyl. 


well, there's this story that she'd told me, and im REALLY glad for her. eventhough it's stiill not confirmed what position this person we're talking about is in, im sure that if it's meant to be, it will be. i sure do hope that this person's an actual gentleman and not just putting facades up just to look nice, like most guys i know. 


i told emyl about my principle of relationships (i know i still havent got any, or ever had any) and she was hahahahah shocked ( i think so). i think it's crucial that every girl to have a clear perspective of the real situation. guys these days are not like our fathers (back in their golden days). they dont just fall in love with one girl and stick with the notion of making her his. guys these days, im not trying to be offensive, are full of tricks. they'll say they like you one day, and the next, they'll dump you for another. i may have never been in that situation before, but i know better not to put all of my trust in one person and cling on to the fact that he'll be true to his words. from my experience assessing others' relationships, i find that guys' tendencies of staying true to his partner is just as much as the chances of a pig to fly. 


whatever it is, she says that college life is okay. i hope she's true to her words. not like some other people. 

the thing with facebook

i have a love-hate relationship with social networking sites these days. it's been going on for a few months now, which is LONG, considering that i was such a junkie of these things back in my high school days. well, more so like a hate relationship with it, actually, because i think my life is better off without these sites. i dont get it now why i was si obsessed with those sites before. doesnt make sense at all. 


well, i still keep myself a little tech-conscious by keeping my skype, yahoo, google and me2day account. besides, if i dont get to keep these, then there'll be no way for me to keep in touch with old friends (minus the cost). ive got to admit, 'friending' someone on these sites are proven to be cheaper, but if you keep with that attitude, these friends aint gonna last long, i tell you. you treat them like some shopping deal, then they'll come and go just like the year-end sale of some department store. get what i mean? 

always love

In the gap between tall buildings, I found a rainbow.
On the streets after the rain, one day.

"I wanna show it to you too" while thinking so,
A smile unknowingly broke across my face, yeah.

Even when I'm depressed, I think of you,
It's really strange.

Love, no matter when. This heart is given so much love
that it's overflowing. Always Love.
You are the reason for my smile.
Now, "I'm trying my best so that I can smile even when I can't see you"
I want to tell you that, right away. I want to send that message to you, with love.

Thank you for your cheering me
Thank you for your cheering me
Always Love, Always Love

Ever since I've met you, I've changed a little.
Maybe it's just a small matter, but
after being made to send mail*, which I used to be really bad at, "It's not so hard"
I'm starting to think so a little now.

A dream that I cannot fulfill just by myself, but if you're here...

Love, no matter when. This heart is given so much love
that it's overflowing. Always Love.
You are the reason for my smile.
Now, "I'm trying my best so that I can smile even when I can't see you"
I want to tell you that, right away. I want to send that message to you, with love.

Everyday Everywhere
We're definitely under the same sky
Thank you for believing in me,
Just that, makes me happy.

Thank you for your cheering me
Thank you for your cheering me
Always Love, Always Love

Thank you for your cheering me
Thank you for your cheering me
Always Love, Always Love

Love, no matter when. This heart is given so much love
that it's overflowing. Always Love.
You are the reason for my smile.
Now, "I'm trying my best so that I can smile even when I can't see you"
I want to tell you that, right away. I want to send that message to you, with love.

Always Love, Always Love

남자침구야, you make my day :D

helo my ex (just for fun)

mblaq hello my ex mp3 download

hung out with debaters, hanging out with doctors.

and marry a heart surgeon. pfftt


you can tell the level of boredom i am at by determining the phase idiocy i am in right now. my IQ has plummeted a GREAT DEAL since the day i left school. or, to be precise, since the day i stopped learning anything school-wise. hahaha. yeah, im learning korean at the time being, and am doing very great in it, that im already in intermediate level, but that doesnt count. i know that i need to start revising on all the old topics from high school, but to be honest, i was like- what!?!! i thought we're sooo over this already. urgh i think the only bright side of this situation is that i just need to revise chem, bio, add maths, and maths. NO PHYSICS. HAHAHAHAHAHHA that's crucial, and a BIG BLESSING, if you're syafiqah samsudin. ESPECIALLY if you're syafiqah samsudin.


there's exactly 11 days till i go to college and i have mixed feelings about that. i dont know if i should be happy because im one step closer to becoming a doctor, or i should feel frustrated because i'll have to wear compact powder, tonnes of perfume and deodorant every single day just for class. back in stf, no one cares if you look like a banshee in class, or when you're floating down the hallways. except the prefects (which i am) and teachers, of course. but then again, no one REALLY CARES. if we drool over our homeworks and answer sheets and send them in to the teachers, no one thinks that's disgusting. okay, that's an exaggeration, but you get my point, right? what im saying is, i think the pressure of having to attend a non single-sex school AGAIN (after 5 years, which felt like eternity) is more frustrating than the fact that i'll be so far from home for the first time in my life. i dont know how emyl and hani could cope with this. 


i hate makeup. any kind of powder irritates my nose, and i have got no idea how to dress every day for school without looking like a nerd, because i am one. well, the only plus side is, im used to perfume. and that's about the only bright thing i could scrape out from the bottom of the barrel. oh please, PLEASE, someone give me a 101 guide for surviving college life. 

so, this is what it's like for a guy :D haha

마주치지 말자.

85, 

you know how frustrating it is to wait, right? so why in the world do you keep making me do it? there's nothing more annoying than having to wait and see how things are going to unfold FOR you, but you wont be able to do anything to change any of the outcomes. so please, dear friend, stop causing me the frustrations and heartbreak and start practicing living like we're strangers. it used to be that way long ago, right? and i can say that we fared quite well those times. so right now, we just need to venture a little bit off course from where we currently are and try to reposition ourselves in that pace and place we were years ago. it will be fine, at least id like to think of it that way. seriously, let's put a sock in it. no hard feelings, no hatred, no vengeance, just a simple farewell, okay? we see things in two whole different perspectives, and i cant see a way for us to work this out. so as hard as it might be for me, ive decided that its best for me to stop doing this. 

live happily, and take care of her feelings. 

syfqh.

그리웠어, 친구야.

Always under exactly the same sky, always exactly the same day
Other than your not being here, there’s nothing different at all
I just want to smile, want to forget everything
Just like absolutely nothing has happened, smiling to live my days

Miss you, miss you so much, because I miss you so much
Everyday all by myself, calling and calling you
Want to see you, want to see you, because I want to see you so much
Now it’s like I have this habit, keep calling out your name
It’s the same today

I thought I’d let go, not leaving anything behind
No, no, now I still can’t let you go
Miss you, miss you so much, because I miss you so much
Everyday all by myself, calling and calling you

Want to see you, want to see you, because I want to see you so much
Now it’s like I have this habit, keep calling out your name
It’s the same today

Everyday, everyday, it feels like I’m gonna die, what should I do?

Love you, love you, I love you
I hadn’t even spoken the words, I just let you go
Sorry, sorry, do you hear my words
My late confession, can you hear it
I love you

내 멋있는 남친, 태민오빠. 사랑해요, 오빠가!

ahha, :D AHHA

happiness

you say yes, i say NO.

You say "Yes", I say "No".
You say "Stop" and I say "Go, go, go".
Oh no.
You say "Goodbye" and I say "Hello, hello, hello".
I don't know why you say "Goodbye", I say "Hello, hello, hello".
I don't know why you say goodbye, I say hello.
I say "High", you say "Low".
You say "Why?" And I say "I don't know".
Oh no.
You say "Goodbye" and I say "Hello, hello, hello".
I don't know why you say "Goodbye", I say "Hello, hello, hello".
(Hello, goodbye, hello, goodbye. Hello, goodbye.)
I don't know why you say "Goodbye", I say "Hello".
(Hello, goodbye, hello, goodbye. Hello, goodbye. Hello, goodbye.)
Why, why, why, why, why, why, do you
Say "Goodbye, goodbye, bye, bye".
Oh no.
You say "Goodbye" and I say "Hello, hello, hello".
I don't know why you say "Goodbye", I say "Hello, hello, hello".
I don't know why you say "Goodbye", I say "Hello".
You say "Yes", I say "No".
(I say "Yes", but I may mean "No").
You say "Stop", I say "Go, go, go".
(I can stay still it's time to go).
Oh, oh no.
You say "Goodbye" and I say "Hello, hello, hello".
I don't know why you say "Goodbye", I say "Hello, hello, hello".
I don't know why you say "Goodbye", I say "Hello, hello, hello".
I don't know why you say "Goodbye", I say "Hello-wow, oh. Hello".
Hela, heba, helloa. Hela, heba, helloa. Hela, heba, helloa.
Hela, heba, helloa. (Hela.) Hela, heba, helloa. Hela, heba, helloa.
Hela, heba, helloa. Hela, heba, helloa. Hela, heba, helloa.

ladies, what's in your makeup bag?

tell you what. things as innocent-looking as lip gloss, compact powder and anti-wrinkle cream aren't as life-saving as some women think they are. in fact, they're potential threats to our body, yeah, us women. 


ladies, embrace yourself and try to accept the fact that your 'miraculous' beauty products arent as safe as they claim they are. before you apply another layer of that 'enriching, 'moisturizing' lip gloss of yours just to add shine on those rosy lips, you ought to read this article ive found recently on doctoroz.com. consider yourself warned, and be smart enough to make better options in the future. or in other words, once you've found enough courage to toss the ones you have now into the rubbish bin. 


http://www.doctoroz.com/videos/price-beauty

just decided to share this out of awareness. spread the word :D

just one more. :D

Dear Boys, Until you start having periods, babies, and watching the one you love be with someone else, you're not as strong as you think you are.