and im quite positive that imma reach the 300th post in just a few days' time.
since there's not much thing to do at home these days, im not sure if there's really nothing i can do to pass the time than just rabbling on rubbish here.
there's exactly 00000000 thing to do here. the house's in a complete bizarre state. those workers havent finished revamping the house yet, and we're trapped, confined in this small space to move on with out living. honestly, im not really sure whether i prefer being at school or at home. i just hope that all of this is going to be over before school starts, and mom and dad will have to leave for work every morning, and my little sister will be leaving for school and not come back home for who knows how long. my elder sisters are surely not going to come back home until the semester ends, and the thought of ma having to go through another period of being away from home, studying elsewhere sends a shiver down my spine everytime i was stupid enough to think of it.
dear mind, please, stay sane, at least until the day i started my first day in college. then you're free to go freak. i promise.
the first few days at home was.. bearable. until when i started having bad thoughts about leaving school. the bad dreams followed right behind, making me think twice about being excited on finally going to go to college. and then there's the thing they kept saying about me joining the debate club in u,, that seems quite,,, improbable. im not really the type that debate teams are gonna fight for, im just plain me. and i admit, the only reason we won during previous tournaments was because we had syakira. i was like a black hole to the team, frankly speaking. i spoke way too fast for the oppo and judges to understand, and my voice did nothing to show that imma matured, tough debater. i sounded like a plague coming to erase any sense of living in town. if im not exxagerating, then, maybe that's right anyway.
honestly, i MISS DEBATING like hell. but i dont think i can continue with it in u. i dont think i have the capability to do so. i dont think that there's any debate team in their right mind would want to take me in. for heaven's sake, i didnt even qualify as a best speaker in interschool debates, what would happen if they set their team's condition at stake by adding me up to the wagon? it's probably a real bad idea.
so joining the debate society would be out of the list, out of consideration.
and im not really and outdoor-sy type. so any kinds of kelab kembara would sent me shrieking, and going hysterics.
slash out kelab kembara from the list of clubs i might fit in with.
then, that only leaves me with foreign languange, that is, if they have that kind of club. i figured that id had basics in japanese, then maybe i would do just fine. but come to think of it, the only B i ever scored in japanese language was back when i was in f1, and that was the 1st test. we were supposed to score a smoldering A, because it was the easiest test any japanese language sensei could prepare for a dumbass like me. but being a dumbass i am, i failed. then maybe that idea would have to go out the window too.
the conclusion is, im surely gonna screw college the way i screwed high school. everyone's gonna hate me, and the only friend im gonna have are those that are gonna be stuck with me just because they are unlucky enough to be assigned as my roomate. that is, if they still wanted to give me a room to find shelter and safety at. im absolutely positive that my college years are gonna be as bizarre and painful as my days in stf were.
okay, this post has gone waaayyy out of line.
im not nagging, im just... dissapointed.
im dissapointed that my high school days hadnt went the way i wanted it to. they way i dreamed it would be the first day i entered that school, and became a part of it.
it's a good thing that no one's really gonna read this blog. i dont want anyone to have any kind of sympathy towards me. i dont need their sympathy. im fine with this. id been living for 17 years this way.
let's just hope that they're not gonna treat me like an outcast for the first year in college.
please,, let me just be,.. normal.
since there's not much thing to do at home these days, im not sure if there's really nothing i can do to pass the time than just rabbling on rubbish here.
there's exactly 00000000 thing to do here. the house's in a complete bizarre state. those workers havent finished revamping the house yet, and we're trapped, confined in this small space to move on with out living. honestly, im not really sure whether i prefer being at school or at home. i just hope that all of this is going to be over before school starts, and mom and dad will have to leave for work every morning, and my little sister will be leaving for school and not come back home for who knows how long. my elder sisters are surely not going to come back home until the semester ends, and the thought of ma having to go through another period of being away from home, studying elsewhere sends a shiver down my spine everytime i was stupid enough to think of it.
dear mind, please, stay sane, at least until the day i started my first day in college. then you're free to go freak. i promise.
the first few days at home was.. bearable. until when i started having bad thoughts about leaving school. the bad dreams followed right behind, making me think twice about being excited on finally going to go to college. and then there's the thing they kept saying about me joining the debate club in u,, that seems quite,,, improbable. im not really the type that debate teams are gonna fight for, im just plain me. and i admit, the only reason we won during previous tournaments was because we had syakira. i was like a black hole to the team, frankly speaking. i spoke way too fast for the oppo and judges to understand, and my voice did nothing to show that imma matured, tough debater. i sounded like a plague coming to erase any sense of living in town. if im not exxagerating, then, maybe that's right anyway.
honestly, i MISS DEBATING like hell. but i dont think i can continue with it in u. i dont think i have the capability to do so. i dont think that there's any debate team in their right mind would want to take me in. for heaven's sake, i didnt even qualify as a best speaker in interschool debates, what would happen if they set their team's condition at stake by adding me up to the wagon? it's probably a real bad idea.
so joining the debate society would be out of the list, out of consideration.
and im not really and outdoor-sy type. so any kinds of kelab kembara would sent me shrieking, and going hysterics.
slash out kelab kembara from the list of clubs i might fit in with.
then, that only leaves me with foreign languange, that is, if they have that kind of club. i figured that id had basics in japanese, then maybe i would do just fine. but come to think of it, the only B i ever scored in japanese language was back when i was in f1, and that was the 1st test. we were supposed to score a smoldering A, because it was the easiest test any japanese language sensei could prepare for a dumbass like me. but being a dumbass i am, i failed. then maybe that idea would have to go out the window too.
the conclusion is, im surely gonna screw college the way i screwed high school. everyone's gonna hate me, and the only friend im gonna have are those that are gonna be stuck with me just because they are unlucky enough to be assigned as my roomate. that is, if they still wanted to give me a room to find shelter and safety at. im absolutely positive that my college years are gonna be as bizarre and painful as my days in stf were.
okay, this post has gone waaayyy out of line.
im not nagging, im just... dissapointed.
im dissapointed that my high school days hadnt went the way i wanted it to. they way i dreamed it would be the first day i entered that school, and became a part of it.
it's a good thing that no one's really gonna read this blog. i dont want anyone to have any kind of sympathy towards me. i dont need their sympathy. im fine with this. id been living for 17 years this way.
let's just hope that they're not gonna treat me like an outcast for the first year in college.
please,, let me just be,.. normal.
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