have you ever felt anytime for you whole life, that feeling of being so new to something, and finally being able to look at things from a different angle? when you realized that you've finally found something or someone you cannot survive without, and you know that you have to be with them so that you can smile? well, i have. and that wonderful person, or may i call people, are syafiqah syakira and adleina superb. none other than my beloved teammates. the past few weeks had given me a new hope for the debate team, and yeah, myself. despite making the worst performance my whole life during the district finals, we won. i dont know how, but still, we won. it seems that we were great after all. all this time it was just me putting too many restrictions and limitations to myself, thinking that nothing's gonna turn out right for the team if im there. but i proved myself wrong. im living proof that dreams do come true. and im still trying to catch some more.
we won the district finals. yes, WE WON THE DISTRICT FINALS. something that some people may say expectable, but i dont care. they say it wont be fair if they let us enter, and for that reason we've been banned from the championship for 8 years. 8 years was a long time when it comes to making a legacy. 8 years in silence doesnt mean we've stopped fighting. 8 years mean we're gonna kick everybody else out of our ways. and we finally did it.
honestly, i was dissapointed with myself the moment i said my thanks to the audience for their attention during my speech. i was again, too fast, almost like blabbering to myself and i could see that. its clear, because i could see the head judge frowning throughout my whole speeck. i was so worried that people wont hear my voice that i stood too close to the mic and that made my voice echo inside the whole hall. what's worse, my face's projected on a big screen at the sides of the hall. hopefully no one noticed how really terrible i looked compared to the other two of my teammates. i felt like i wanted to hide under the table and never get out. i fumbled, and none of my points caught the people's attention. i dont if it was the nerves or something, but i rejected the pois given. partly it was because i expect to receive more in my scnd argument, but then they just sat there quietly, probably making faces to the 'superfast second speaker'. if you're wondering who's that, behold. she's syafiqah. me.
i was laughed at, and maybe jeered at, i dont know. i lost confidence and felt like crying. my reply speech was nothing close to perfect, but it was better because i managed to go slow. i knew syakira was dissapointed with me, and that just made me feel worse. even my captain's losing hope on me. my miracle worker's having doubts on me, who else do i have to turn to?
it was hard getting out of the hall to have brunce after the debate. it felt like everyone's pointing at me and silently making jokes about me. i didnt stand out among the three partly because i was the black sheep, and i was relying on the fact that i could speak fluently so i wouldnt be missed out of the limelight. but it seemed that i was losing that too little by little. i could picture my place being replaced by someone else. i could sense that awkwardness when i stand next to my teammates, how they were losing hope just like me. we didnt say anything anymore about the debate the whole brunch, because we were afraid that we would say the wrong things to each other and anyone of us would be hurt. most probably me, of course. syakira coaxed me to eat something, but i didnt have the appetite anymore. who would?
the idea of losing was so big in my head that i didnt want to stay there just to look at the other team winning. i was sure as heck that we wouldnt win. i sat as far as possible from syakira because i didnt want to look at her face and see how really dissapointed she was of me.
but then i realized, no i dont want to do this to her. i was not the only one worrying. i had no rights to isolate her just because of one small thing i did. so i stood up and yeah, sat next to her the whole time, up to the announcement of the winning teams and the best speaker.
sure enough, she got the best speaker. im happy for her then, and still happy for her now. proud of her, even. but sometimes i just cant wait till i can get that tittle for myself.
and when the mr speaker was about to announce the winning team, i expected the worst. i tried hard to make sure that i wouldnt cry, and i even made up sentences in my head to answer my friends' questions about the championship when we get back to school, lost. i gripped syakira's hand tight and kept my head low, so low that i neck hurt. and then the moment came.
the only thing i heard was "SEKOLAH TUN FATIMAH!"
and i shot right up along with syakira, saying 'oh my god! oh my god!' so loud that maybe the whole hall could hear my scream of relief. we embraced each other, hugging so tight and i buried my face into her shoulder. i felt like crying. this was it. we made it. WE WON. i kept patting her and tried to sink the reality in. we've just won districts. WE WON, i told myself time and time again. i could feel eyes staring at us but i didnt care. this was our moment. the moment we've proved our ghosts wrong.
i got tired smiling for the cameras. being a champion feels good. people keep flocking to us, asking for shots and smiles for the camera.
being a champions feels good. looking forward to feel the same thing again in ppm. :D
we won the district finals. yes, WE WON THE DISTRICT FINALS. something that some people may say expectable, but i dont care. they say it wont be fair if they let us enter, and for that reason we've been banned from the championship for 8 years. 8 years was a long time when it comes to making a legacy. 8 years in silence doesnt mean we've stopped fighting. 8 years mean we're gonna kick everybody else out of our ways. and we finally did it.
honestly, i was dissapointed with myself the moment i said my thanks to the audience for their attention during my speech. i was again, too fast, almost like blabbering to myself and i could see that. its clear, because i could see the head judge frowning throughout my whole speeck. i was so worried that people wont hear my voice that i stood too close to the mic and that made my voice echo inside the whole hall. what's worse, my face's projected on a big screen at the sides of the hall. hopefully no one noticed how really terrible i looked compared to the other two of my teammates. i felt like i wanted to hide under the table and never get out. i fumbled, and none of my points caught the people's attention. i dont if it was the nerves or something, but i rejected the pois given. partly it was because i expect to receive more in my scnd argument, but then they just sat there quietly, probably making faces to the 'superfast second speaker'. if you're wondering who's that, behold. she's syafiqah. me.
i was laughed at, and maybe jeered at, i dont know. i lost confidence and felt like crying. my reply speech was nothing close to perfect, but it was better because i managed to go slow. i knew syakira was dissapointed with me, and that just made me feel worse. even my captain's losing hope on me. my miracle worker's having doubts on me, who else do i have to turn to?
it was hard getting out of the hall to have brunce after the debate. it felt like everyone's pointing at me and silently making jokes about me. i didnt stand out among the three partly because i was the black sheep, and i was relying on the fact that i could speak fluently so i wouldnt be missed out of the limelight. but it seemed that i was losing that too little by little. i could picture my place being replaced by someone else. i could sense that awkwardness when i stand next to my teammates, how they were losing hope just like me. we didnt say anything anymore about the debate the whole brunch, because we were afraid that we would say the wrong things to each other and anyone of us would be hurt. most probably me, of course. syakira coaxed me to eat something, but i didnt have the appetite anymore. who would?
the idea of losing was so big in my head that i didnt want to stay there just to look at the other team winning. i was sure as heck that we wouldnt win. i sat as far as possible from syakira because i didnt want to look at her face and see how really dissapointed she was of me.
but then i realized, no i dont want to do this to her. i was not the only one worrying. i had no rights to isolate her just because of one small thing i did. so i stood up and yeah, sat next to her the whole time, up to the announcement of the winning teams and the best speaker.
sure enough, she got the best speaker. im happy for her then, and still happy for her now. proud of her, even. but sometimes i just cant wait till i can get that tittle for myself.
and when the mr speaker was about to announce the winning team, i expected the worst. i tried hard to make sure that i wouldnt cry, and i even made up sentences in my head to answer my friends' questions about the championship when we get back to school, lost. i gripped syakira's hand tight and kept my head low, so low that i neck hurt. and then the moment came.
the only thing i heard was "SEKOLAH TUN FATIMAH!"
and i shot right up along with syakira, saying 'oh my god! oh my god!' so loud that maybe the whole hall could hear my scream of relief. we embraced each other, hugging so tight and i buried my face into her shoulder. i felt like crying. this was it. we made it. WE WON. i kept patting her and tried to sink the reality in. we've just won districts. WE WON, i told myself time and time again. i could feel eyes staring at us but i didnt care. this was our moment. the moment we've proved our ghosts wrong.
i got tired smiling for the cameras. being a champion feels good. people keep flocking to us, asking for shots and smiles for the camera.
being a champions feels good. looking forward to feel the same thing again in ppm. :D
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