i think it's getting better. things are going great so far, thanks to diba sbb die dgn sng ati memenuhi jemputan ak utk round stu bp (kononnnya) smlm. ahahah.. at least r i can keep my mind off those things im worrying about currently. well, it's not really history, but for now, maybe.
petang ni ak dh pakat ngan dip nk serang rmh fina. tuh pon klu die ad kt rmh lerr. n klu die ad, mmg kami akan angkut die skali, culik smpi ke tasek. dh smpi sne pe lg, campak lerr dlm tasek tuh. biar sehat sket ikan2 dlm tasek tuh. makanan berkhasiat. cume yg x bestnya, die ngah saket mate skng. so ikan2 tuh maybe akan kene penyakit mate tuh jugak. anyways, mereka still dpt rase makan daging die yang berlemak tuh, jk..
hahahah
hm, hr ni ak rse ak agak hebat sbb ak dh siapkan nota sej yang belambak tuh, bayangkan lh bab 1-3, and aku dh bereskan folio kabus di perbukitan, which is kinda crazy, sbb mende tuh cm kire impossible utk disiapkan sblm nek skola. hahaha,, one of the many disadvantages of living out of town, we dont have a kedai buku. sbb tuh lh ak propose ngn mak ak supaye kami membuka kedai buku kt sini ble mereka dh selamat pencen nnt. tp ble ak pk blik, mmg x kn laku klu bkk kt sini. even klu kfc pon akan bankrup. spe je yang nk makan kfc kt sini. bek makan kt rmh, lagi berkhasiat. and plus, orang datang waktu musim melancong je. and klu nk harap pelancong dtg nk beli buku, porahh..
maknenye terkubur jela niat dan cita2 aku tuh. xpe lerr.
o. dan ak jgk dh khatam wt folio chem. hebat, an? ak mmg vogue.
cme minusnye, ak tetinggal lh plak module physic yang belambak tuh. pak kamil nasihatkan (hahaha) kami sme utk habiskan sme module yang die dh bagi spjg tahn ni.
mmg kau sengaja crk maut la syafiqah...
dn ak pon mmg dh bersedia.
korang, bacalah yasin utk aku nnt yer??
btw malam td emyl kol ak. wo,, kangen bangat sme die. sjk tragedi die anta parcel kt aku tuh mmg ak x kering gusi lerr klu ckp ngan die on the fon. sumpa rse nk gelak je keje.
hahahahahahah
emyl has her own problems, so there's no way im going to load her with mine. she's the type of friend yang akan rase cm problem kau tuh merupakan problem die sendiri. like anything yang kau decide utk problem tuh akan efek idop die jgk. she takes everything that i say seriously.
so, if what i expect is really going to happen, she would be the last person in going to tell about the signs. biar lerr die yg plg lambat tau..
hm,
it takes years to build up trust, and just seconds to tear it down.
ak ske ayat ni.
hehehe..
saje2 je nk jiwang2 pagi ni. rase cm menyampah lak. ptuih.
k ler.
terpakse pergi dulu sbb nk kene train jari-jemari beta ni ut tulisan khat. pe mende pon ak x phm nnt klu x praktis.
btw, dhammy dh pos ke belom akak nyer voice rec utk debate uitm iv nie?
:P
Monday, November 29, 2010
exercise.diet.
well, thanks to myself, ak dh ade kesedaran utk exert-cise. ak pnggil mende tuh cmtu sbb ak rse cm melampau nyer exhausted, cm ak exert diri ak sendiri wktu ak pi GOHET(bak kata kak ngah) basikal petang tadi. hahaha,, wahai cik basikal, masalah kau lerr. pe ak kesa? sape suro kau sdri yg x meng-exercise-kan diri kau sementara setahun ak x blik? hahahah
hmm, actually biking around our taman perumahan was like.... aku ni seorang pelarian yang sentiasa kena menyembunyikan diri sendiri. or to put things straight, like ak ni seorang diva yang sentiasa diburu oleh paparazzi utk ditemu ramah. tanya tuh, tanya nie. kenapa breakup ngan nichkhun, apa istimewanya si taemin, bile nk kawen, kenapa tunang senyap2.. things like that lh. tp itu masalah yg ak hadapi bile ak kt nun di jb. sbb jb tuh mmg tempat yg peno dgn paparazzi, so life is a bit hard there. sbb ak pi mne2 pon mesti ada mereka. im starting to smell something fishy. maybe agakan ak yg pakcik kebun baru tuh reporter majalah GALAXY tuh betol kott. hesh,, mende lh die nk ngan ak. im just an innocent 16 year-old who's trying to live life simply walaupun the truth adalah ak ni tunang kepada si taemin yang menjadi kegilaan gadis2 remaja tuh. hmmm.. susah gk, an? ak xpena terpikir plak mse die propose ak dulu. i never thought things could be this hard. hehehe.. well, to get something i must also sacrifice somethings. like my privacy.
tp best gak sbb aku tetibe jdk wanted. HAHAHAHAH
hmm, terlari topik lk. sbnrnye ak cm x aman je gohet basikal kt kawasan perumahan tuh sbb ak takot klu terserempak ngan kawan2 lme ak. klu yg pmpuan ak hepi lerr. ni buatnye ak terserempak ngan mereka yang ada y chromosome.. hey2. seram ak.
hahahah
nmpknye lawak ak kepada mereka yang ak ni study kt overseas ter-overdo lak. heh. sape suro caye.
tetibe ak ni dicop si otak komputer oleh mereka.
ni yang agak x best bile ak jawab soklan mereke sme- ''weyh pika, ak dh lme nk tye ko, ko skola mne ha?"
dan ak pon terpisat-pisat nk jawab, ssh sket, sbb ak tau ape akan keluar dr mulut diorang klu ak jawab soklan tuh.
'ha? klu ak ckp pon bkn kau tau'
jawapan standard nk ngelak dr dedahkan identiti.
'loh. klu x ckp ler ak xtau. skola mana?'
dlm hati: hey mamat ni, ak bg flying kick kang br tau.
'stf'
ak jawab..
"wow.hahahahha.. otak komputer kau ni mesti hebat"
kan. heh. klu ak ni x bersopan-santun mmg dh selamat mamat ni kene backhand ngan aku.
ak senyum je, (dpn komputer jela, sbb chatting)
"best, tp cm military school"
mmg ak dh prepare skrip nieyh. expectation mika2 sme ni tinggi sangat. even ak kuar pi mane2 pon klu org tye ak skola mne ak ckp sbp je. malas nak sbut nme. klu x.. mmg nahas ak.
kesa org popular. nk wt cmne. my life's too cool for me.
btw, ak nk exercise sbb ak rindukan feel berada di atas basikal dn turun bukit tinggi, sedapnya angin... ahahaha
oo
dan ak fulfill dare kimi. die de tulis stg yg sangat merepek kt fb and suro ak try sendiri.
ok
and it happened. hahaha
but actually ak suro org len yang wt so ak xkn kene terok sgt
heh
dn die pon xpuas ati, but wtv
die pon dh jdk cm pondan ak tgk
hahahaha
eh,
ibu.
ngah.
datang.
sini.
bubaih.
hmm, actually biking around our taman perumahan was like.... aku ni seorang pelarian yang sentiasa kena menyembunyikan diri sendiri. or to put things straight, like ak ni seorang diva yang sentiasa diburu oleh paparazzi utk ditemu ramah. tanya tuh, tanya nie. kenapa breakup ngan nichkhun, apa istimewanya si taemin, bile nk kawen, kenapa tunang senyap2.. things like that lh. tp itu masalah yg ak hadapi bile ak kt nun di jb. sbb jb tuh mmg tempat yg peno dgn paparazzi, so life is a bit hard there. sbb ak pi mne2 pon mesti ada mereka. im starting to smell something fishy. maybe agakan ak yg pakcik kebun baru tuh reporter majalah GALAXY tuh betol kott. hesh,, mende lh die nk ngan ak. im just an innocent 16 year-old who's trying to live life simply walaupun the truth adalah ak ni tunang kepada si taemin yang menjadi kegilaan gadis2 remaja tuh. hmmm.. susah gk, an? ak xpena terpikir plak mse die propose ak dulu. i never thought things could be this hard. hehehe.. well, to get something i must also sacrifice somethings. like my privacy.
tp best gak sbb aku tetibe jdk wanted. HAHAHAHAH
hmm, terlari topik lk. sbnrnye ak cm x aman je gohet basikal kt kawasan perumahan tuh sbb ak takot klu terserempak ngan kawan2 lme ak. klu yg pmpuan ak hepi lerr. ni buatnye ak terserempak ngan mereka yang ada y chromosome.. hey2. seram ak.
hahahah
nmpknye lawak ak kepada mereka yang ak ni study kt overseas ter-overdo lak. heh. sape suro caye.
tetibe ak ni dicop si otak komputer oleh mereka.
ni yang agak x best bile ak jawab soklan mereke sme- ''weyh pika, ak dh lme nk tye ko, ko skola mne ha?"
dan ak pon terpisat-pisat nk jawab, ssh sket, sbb ak tau ape akan keluar dr mulut diorang klu ak jawab soklan tuh.
'ha? klu ak ckp pon bkn kau tau'
jawapan standard nk ngelak dr dedahkan identiti.
'loh. klu x ckp ler ak xtau. skola mana?'
dlm hati: hey mamat ni, ak bg flying kick kang br tau.
'stf'
ak jawab..
"wow.hahahahha.. otak komputer kau ni mesti hebat"
kan. heh. klu ak ni x bersopan-santun mmg dh selamat mamat ni kene backhand ngan aku.
ak senyum je, (dpn komputer jela, sbb chatting)
"best, tp cm military school"
mmg ak dh prepare skrip nieyh. expectation mika2 sme ni tinggi sangat. even ak kuar pi mane2 pon klu org tye ak skola mne ak ckp sbp je. malas nak sbut nme. klu x.. mmg nahas ak.
kesa org popular. nk wt cmne. my life's too cool for me.
btw, ak nk exercise sbb ak rindukan feel berada di atas basikal dn turun bukit tinggi, sedapnya angin... ahahaha
oo
dan ak fulfill dare kimi. die de tulis stg yg sangat merepek kt fb and suro ak try sendiri.
ok
and it happened. hahaha
but actually ak suro org len yang wt so ak xkn kene terok sgt
heh
dn die pon xpuas ati, but wtv
die pon dh jdk cm pondan ak tgk
hahahaha
eh,
ibu.
ngah.
datang.
sini.
bubaih.
Wednesday, November 24, 2010
hahaha.. lawak toll
fyi, hr ni satu rumah ak digempakkan dengan berita ade org crk ak. sumpa, ak pon x expect mende ni akan jdk. hahaha...
okok. waktu kami sme sdg bergumbira meraikan kematian nono dan kesakitan hati natasya dlm sinetron alisa kt tv3 tuh, tetibe ad bunyi motor msk bangsal dapor. so kami pon cm pelik. ibu kate kat kak ngah, cptlh pegi tengok. org nk anta kad jemputan kahwin ke. kakak ak pon pegi dapur, nk tgk. ak syp je.
bt den, kak ngah ak jerit dr dapur, kate ade pos laju utk aku.
huh?
pos laju?
x semena-mena ak terpikir, eh, org jepun tuh dh anta ke cd arashi yg die janji kt aku?
so ak pon capai tudung indon ibu yg tergantung kt sofa, sedia dipakai waktu emergency tuh dn teros keluar. hm. pakcik posmen tuh ngah tunggu lg kt luar. die mintak ak isi borang- da basic things. nama penuh, ic, tandatangan. ak pon, ok2. dlm hati pon teagak2 jugak, sape lh plak yg anta pos laju kt ak nieyh? mamat? minah? hey,, mintak dijauhkan lh org anta bala ikut pos laju nieyh. zaman moden, pemende je leyh jadi. klu org leyh anta penyakit gne facebook, ape lg snail mail, kan?
time kacih, kecik je suare ak ckp kt pak cik tuh. die bg ak parcel tuh. heh. first time ak sign parcel utk diri sendiri. first time jugak ak dpt parcel. debak-debuk hati aku waktu tuh. cecepatlh belah pak cik. ak senyum standard sekadar berbahasa, den terus lari msk rumah..
seperti yg dijangkakan, mak ak dh curious kt ruang tamu. die pon mesti dh syak- anak ak ni dh ada boypren ke?
sori lh mama,, anakmu ni x pernah dn xkn pernah ada boypren. x menjurus ke arah tu pon. girlpren ade r. belambak. klu ak ad abang, mmg banyak option abang ak. pilih je mane nak.
hmmm..
ak ingat nk bkk parcel tuh dlm bilik. kot ye pon klu ad org anta bala ke penyakit ke kt aku, biar lh ak sorg je yg kene (ceh, murni x ati aku?hahahah)
tp ble ak tgk name pengirim, rase cm dunia runtuh, matahari terlebih bercahaya. rase terawang-awang di angkasa..
dn ak spontan gelak besar kt ruang legar rumah tuh. kak long pon pelik tgk ak.
sape yg bg, ka?
ibu tye.
aku senyum mcm kerang busuk. dn bagai tertulis gne permanent marker kt dahi mak aku, auta yg dh pasti berlegar-legar dlm otk die.
'kompen anak ak ada boypren'
hahahahahahahha
merepek.
'iya2. tenang saja bu, masa ini dikirimin cowok? ini ha, si emil..'
penangan sinetron alisa. tu pon nsb baik ak xckp korea ngan die. klu x pengsan ibuku sorg ni.
rupe2nye emil yg anta.. parcel tuh, ptui. balut ngan 10, 000 000 lapisan balutan. dh lh selotape nye kuat cm pe. ak lh yg penat nk koyakkan balutan2 tuh.
dh2. x lrt nk citer smpi abes.
okok. waktu kami sme sdg bergumbira meraikan kematian nono dan kesakitan hati natasya dlm sinetron alisa kt tv3 tuh, tetibe ad bunyi motor msk bangsal dapor. so kami pon cm pelik. ibu kate kat kak ngah, cptlh pegi tengok. org nk anta kad jemputan kahwin ke. kakak ak pon pegi dapur, nk tgk. ak syp je.
bt den, kak ngah ak jerit dr dapur, kate ade pos laju utk aku.
huh?
pos laju?
x semena-mena ak terpikir, eh, org jepun tuh dh anta ke cd arashi yg die janji kt aku?
so ak pon capai tudung indon ibu yg tergantung kt sofa, sedia dipakai waktu emergency tuh dn teros keluar. hm. pakcik posmen tuh ngah tunggu lg kt luar. die mintak ak isi borang- da basic things. nama penuh, ic, tandatangan. ak pon, ok2. dlm hati pon teagak2 jugak, sape lh plak yg anta pos laju kt ak nieyh? mamat? minah? hey,, mintak dijauhkan lh org anta bala ikut pos laju nieyh. zaman moden, pemende je leyh jadi. klu org leyh anta penyakit gne facebook, ape lg snail mail, kan?
time kacih, kecik je suare ak ckp kt pak cik tuh. die bg ak parcel tuh. heh. first time ak sign parcel utk diri sendiri. first time jugak ak dpt parcel. debak-debuk hati aku waktu tuh. cecepatlh belah pak cik. ak senyum standard sekadar berbahasa, den terus lari msk rumah..
seperti yg dijangkakan, mak ak dh curious kt ruang tamu. die pon mesti dh syak- anak ak ni dh ada boypren ke?
sori lh mama,, anakmu ni x pernah dn xkn pernah ada boypren. x menjurus ke arah tu pon. girlpren ade r. belambak. klu ak ad abang, mmg banyak option abang ak. pilih je mane nak.
hmmm..
ak ingat nk bkk parcel tuh dlm bilik. kot ye pon klu ad org anta bala ke penyakit ke kt aku, biar lh ak sorg je yg kene (ceh, murni x ati aku?hahahah)
tp ble ak tgk name pengirim, rase cm dunia runtuh, matahari terlebih bercahaya. rase terawang-awang di angkasa..
dn ak spontan gelak besar kt ruang legar rumah tuh. kak long pon pelik tgk ak.
sape yg bg, ka?
ibu tye.
aku senyum mcm kerang busuk. dn bagai tertulis gne permanent marker kt dahi mak aku, auta yg dh pasti berlegar-legar dlm otk die.
'kompen anak ak ada boypren'
hahahahahahahha
merepek.
'iya2. tenang saja bu, masa ini dikirimin cowok? ini ha, si emil..'
penangan sinetron alisa. tu pon nsb baik ak xckp korea ngan die. klu x pengsan ibuku sorg ni.
rupe2nye emil yg anta.. parcel tuh, ptui. balut ngan 10, 000 000 lapisan balutan. dh lh selotape nye kuat cm pe. ak lh yg penat nk koyakkan balutan2 tuh.
dh2. x lrt nk citer smpi abes.
Tuesday, November 23, 2010
hmm
hari ni.. agak pelik. sbb ak bgon2 je rase cm nk msk. that's weird, because one of the many things yg ak agak benci adalah memasak. again, one of the many things yg ak benci adalah memasak. baking len citer. walaupun ak x de r se-talented adek dlm industri baking nieyh, kekadang tuh klu ad mse ak suke lh jgk baking. i think im more to studying. HAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHA
hmm. hahah, baru ckp psl benci memasak, ak dh dgr ibu mengutuk masakan ak. 'huh! masin pika punye..'
nsb baik ade kak long ak untuk menyelamatkan keadaan.
pagi tadi, disebabkan makhluk muki tuhx semena-mena nk crk psl ngan aku, die dh selamat diberi flying kick. hahaha... tepat mengenai sasaran. cme nsb buruk ak, sbb ak tersentuh bahagian kurap die.
fyi, kurap tulah yg menyebabkan muki menjadi slh sorg suspek yg paling ak benci. sbb die degil.
huh.
muki, klu ko bkk blog ak ni, ak nk kau tahu yg ak x ske kt kau! kau bsuk, berkurap, degil. org nk tolong xnk! dhlh asyek mkn jerk!! kau mmg!! ske tidur! ak nk tido pon leyh mlm je tau x! aku bengang ngan kau!!!!
buang karan je ak maki hamun kau. deyh. penat lh.
btw, hri ni azam ak adalah menyiapkan hw sej yg agk berlambak tuh. pn saidah bg hw nota bab 1-3. superb weyh. tetibe aku rase cm nk setuju lk ngan ap yg mak jai ckp beberapa hari lps mse ak blk kg.
'mmg lh budak2 sbt ni x de mse nk bersosial. hw cikgu2 bagi berlambak. xde mse nk spend ngan famili'.
hohohoho.. walaupun my beloved aunty juge sorg pendidik, die tetap phm ngan what im struggling with. nmpknye fan club ak dh bertambah ahli. sebelum ni ad taemin sorg jerk. skg taemin ngan mak jai. dn kekadang kak ngah. hahaha
oh. ni satu kesa di pagi yg hening di rumah kami....
ak ngah membasuh beras nk wt bubur. kak ngah aku ngah wt mende tah blkg aku. adek ak ngah melayan kucing kurap tuh. tetibe ak ni ringan je nk kenakan kak ngah. ak ckp ngan die..
'kak ngah, nk tau x kenapa kaki fizikal kau pendek?'
dan die mmg tahu aku akn make up stg utk mengenakan die. die tersenyum cm manggis busukdan tye kt aku 'pe die? kenape?'
hahahhaha...
dan jawapan ak waktu tuh mmg tepat ngan skema. skema jawapan durjana. hohoho
'kaki fizikal kau pendek sbb kaki BODEK kau panjang'.
hahahhahahahahaha
bestnye kenekan die
:D
hmm. hahah, baru ckp psl benci memasak, ak dh dgr ibu mengutuk masakan ak. 'huh! masin pika punye..'
nsb baik ade kak long ak untuk menyelamatkan keadaan.
pagi tadi, disebabkan makhluk muki tuh
fyi, kurap tulah yg menyebabkan muki menjadi slh sorg suspek yg paling ak benci. sbb die degil.
huh.
muki, klu ko bkk blog ak ni, ak nk kau tahu yg ak x ske kt kau! kau bsuk, berkurap, degil. org nk tolong xnk! dhlh asyek mkn jerk!! kau mmg!! ske tidur! ak nk tido pon leyh mlm je tau x! aku bengang ngan kau!!!!
buang karan je ak maki hamun kau. deyh. penat lh.
btw, hri ni azam ak adalah menyiapkan hw sej yg agk berlambak tuh. pn saidah bg hw nota bab 1-3. superb weyh. tetibe aku rase cm nk setuju lk ngan ap yg mak jai ckp beberapa hari lps mse ak blk kg.
'mmg lh budak2 sbt ni x de mse nk bersosial. hw cikgu2 bagi berlambak. xde mse nk spend ngan famili'.
hohohoho.. walaupun my beloved aunty juge sorg pendidik, die tetap phm ngan what im struggling with. nmpknye fan club ak dh bertambah ahli. sebelum ni ad taemin sorg jerk. skg taemin ngan mak jai. dn kekadang kak ngah. hahaha
oh. ni satu kesa di pagi yg hening di rumah kami....
ak ngah membasuh beras nk wt bubur. kak ngah aku ngah wt mende tah blkg aku. adek ak ngah melayan kucing kurap tuh. tetibe ak ni ringan je nk kenakan kak ngah. ak ckp ngan die..
'kak ngah, nk tau x kenapa kaki fizikal kau pendek?'
dan die mmg tahu aku akn make up stg utk mengenakan die. die tersenyum cm manggis busuk
hahahhaha...
dan jawapan ak waktu tuh mmg tepat ngan skema. skema jawapan durjana. hohoho
'kaki fizikal kau pendek sbb kaki BODEK kau panjang'.
hahahhahahahahaha
bestnye kenekan die
:D
Monday, November 22, 2010
this song
This Song (Translation) Lyrics
Even though I want to buy you a pretty necklace
Even though I want to take you out on a ride in a nice car
Even though I want to dress you in nice clothes
Even though I want to take you to nice places
This hand that I put inside my pocket grabs nothing
How can I get you
My position doesn't suit you
Regardless, can you stay by my side
The only thing I can give is this song
All I have is this voice
Even if this makes you laugh
But I still sing
I hope you accept it
Even if you say it's okay
Even if you say it's okay if I have you
Even if you say you're happy everyday
Even if you say you don't what anything more
Pretty, good things; fun, cool things
You obviously want to do these things too Baby
You know that if you stay by my side I can't do these things
Regardless, can you stay by my side
The only thing I can give is this song
All I have is this voice
Even if this makes you laugh
But I still sing
I hope you accept it
I only have this song
I really have nothing but this voice
I don't know if this will make you laugh
But I still sing
I hope you accept it
I hope you accept it
hmm
okok. sepatutnya ak x leyh muncul pon lg kt laman sesawang ni, tp disebabkan org panggil aku pika dn seorang pika mmg diexpect utk wt mende2 cmni, so ak pon wt lah mende ni. ibu tiada, gone, pegi skola. hmm. btugas. nilah antara sbb ak tolak and btoi2 tolak cadangan ibu (or more tu arahan) utk jdk sorg cikgu bi. sbb x de istilah cuti ponn. die kte ak mmg x leyh carry sciences, eventhough ak mmg more tuh bio, just havent got any a+s yet. ble diamati blk kekadang cm ad jgk betol nyer ap yg ibu ckp, sbb ak nieyh cm x qualified jerk utk jdk sorang doc, walau doc kanak2 pon. sbb ak ni, hmm. haemophobia. aka fobia pd darah. tragedi pengsan di lantai hutan taman negeri endau-rompin tuh merupakan kemuncak segala kebimbangan kebimbangan ibu. hmm. sbb mse tuh mmg ak xleyh tahan. rse cm membuak2buak, dlm imaginasi ak walaupun sbnrnya darah yg kuar tuh cme bbrp titis jerk. tp ak straight away pening, pandangan gelap, mke pucat lesi, and terus rebah menyembah bumi. lme lh jgk ak pengsan mse tuh, sbb mse ak pengsan x rmi org keliling ak, bt den bile ak bgn, tetibe dgn sensei2 skali ngah mengipas aku. muke die mse tuh pun dh nk ikut pucat jgk sbb takot tgk mke ak yg dh xde darah langsung tuh. hmm. dulu mse ak ikut ibu mengajar anak2 murid die msk kt skola die tuh pon, mse tetibe jerk anak murid die ringan je tangan terhempas mangkuk cokctail yang gabak tuh atas kaki die sendiri, menyebabkan darah memercik ke mana2, ak mcm dh org yg x ckp oksigen. rse nk muntah, nk tumbang. lastly ak lari pi bilik jahit. ibu pon dh kelam-kabut mse tuh. mmg bdk tuh dijauhkan dr ak spnjg mse. huhuhu
back
br blk dr kampung
ingat balik kampung ni leyh crk penyelesaian kpd sme mslh yg ak ade
rupenye makin belambak plak.
n makin banyak mende yg ak kene tanggung. mostly confusion and worry. hmm
org tu ske my own friend.
im sick living wif guilt
my best friend's drifting away from me
my aunt's diagnosed with cancer.
do you think i can live with that?
ingat balik kampung ni leyh crk penyelesaian kpd sme mslh yg ak ade
rupenye makin belambak plak.
n makin banyak mende yg ak kene tanggung. mostly confusion and worry. hmm
org tu ske my own friend.
im sick living wif guilt
my best friend's drifting away from me
my aunt's diagnosed with cancer.
do you think i can live with that?
Friday, November 19, 2010
tarian pacat
hari ni sungguh unexpected. dh tiresome. sungguh. sungguh.
disbbkn mlm smlm ak tido kol 2 pg sbb tgk citer mischiveous kiss tuh, pg ni ak dh bgi org tertelan todi. mabok2. simtom yg ak dn fe sme2 kongsi, sjk mggu exam finals dulu. mse tuh mmg bgi matian mengorbankan tido dn mse berfoye-foye, sbb nk dpt skolarship pye psl. cehh. tp add ak cm ngembreng jgk. tuh pon kre nsb ak dpt c+. nth cmne result leyh seteruk tuh. nk kte x study, merepek. mlm add tu lh ak pling mati2an tau!!!!
pg tadi ak x terlepas subuh, but pgi2 lg dh kene leter ngan ibu. ak cm clueless sket die mrh psl ape, sbb nk kte mrh sbb ktorg bgn lmbt, cm tipu lk. blom msok kul 7 pon mse tuh. smpi skg ak msih musykil. tp cm annoying sket lh sbb ak dikejutkan drpd mimpi indah yg melibatkan mke taemin yang ak cinta tuh kepada leteran ibu yg smpi kul 1030 pon x reda lg. sabarlah hati..
hari ni ak ckp ngan kak ngah azam ak nk abeskan wt folio chem. sbb mende tuh cm simple jerk. x yh nk gne akal pikiran, cme nk kene gune sense of fashion jerk, sbb ak nk transform kan folio yg bakal memboringkan tuh kpd sthg yg org akn igt smpi bebile. but obviously ak xkn ltk gambar taemin kt situ, sbb berita pertunangan ak ngan die dh tersebar dkt para guru kt skola, thanks to fb yang sgt membantu tuh. dn ak xnk menambahkan lg apa2 kontroversi di sana. ahhahaha.. silap hr bulan taemin kene dtg malaysia sbb nk kene wat press conference nk jelaskan perkara2nyer. silap2 lg hr bulan, kitorang kene lari. dn klu x btol2 pon lg hr bulannyer, maybe ktorg kene gk expose tarikh pernikahan. :D
tp tuh bkn point ak nk membebel pd hr ni. as you can see, tajuk perbahasan ak adalah tarian pacat. kenapa?
hahahhaa
maghrib td, ak br lepas solat. kak long ak msk bilik air. kak ngah yg b4 tuh tgh mengadap laptop die tetibe bangon dan kuar bilik. ak pikir die nk pi amik air semayang kt bilik air luar, but after dat die masuk ngan charger laptop die. ak ckp lh dgn die 'kak ngah, ak ingat kau kuar td nk pergi bertaubat'.
x semena-mena ak dgr mende jth dan ak tgk kak ngah ak yg sorg ni tetibe terduduk ats lantai. tmbah mengerikan, bile die pandang mke ak dgn mulut ternganga dan mengeluarkan bahasa yg aku pon x leyh nk detect slang ape. nk kte bugis, mmg x lh. len sgt. die continue cmtu for the next 2 minutes, dn ak yg x tau pokok pucuk citer ni terbangak. bile ak tgk die cm dh nk hilang kawalan, ak teros lompat ats bed. instinct pertama ak adalah amik tukul yg ayah semunyi dlm robok tuh. mane lh tau. dlm keadaan cmni adik-beradik pon die dh nmpk cm objek yg ptt dimusnahkan.
rupe-rupenye kisahnya, die terasa ya amat bile ak ckp psl taubat tuh, dn charger yg die ngah pegang tuh automatically jatuh, straight onto her foot yg kecil mulus tuh. sangat r. hahaha. dn reason kenapa die wt tarian pacat atas lantai tuh adelh kerana die berada dlm kesakitan yg amat sangat.
sian ko kak ngah. tu pon nseb bek ak x amik tukul dlm robok tuh. klu x aku yg wt tarian pacat dlm penjara.
hehe.. my kak ngah cud be so clueless at times. spttnye die wt cool dn act as if mende tuh x hurt pride die pon. tp disebabkan die kak ngah, dn kekadang ak yg kene jdk kakak die, die mmg di expect untuk wt mende cm tuh. tp kali ni it caught me off guard. klu x mmg ak dh join tarian die tuh, sbb nk kenakan die. hahahaha
hr ni kak long ak bce mcg ak. slh ak jgk, sbb ltk btoi2 sblh laptop yg die ngah gne tuh. dn waktu tuh emyl plak mengantar sesuatu yg agk memalukan ak bile kak long bce. cehh.
hm. ape lg yer?
ak chat dgn syera. nmpknye die sgt merindui aku. ahhahahaa
ooh. dn mak jai bangkitkan balik pasal issue nme lee kt fb ak tuh. yer, ak dh tkr pd choi dh skg. syera kter, cian taemin, tp ak ckp kt die, taemin bek ati. die phm klu tuh mmg kehendak family aku. hahahah
:)
disbbkn mlm smlm ak tido kol 2 pg sbb tgk citer mischiveous kiss tuh, pg ni ak dh bgi org tertelan todi. mabok2. simtom yg ak dn fe sme2 kongsi, sjk mggu exam finals dulu. mse tuh mmg bgi matian mengorbankan tido dn mse berfoye-foye, sbb nk dpt skolarship pye psl. cehh. tp add ak cm ngembreng jgk. tuh pon kre nsb ak dpt c+. nth cmne result leyh seteruk tuh. nk kte x study, merepek. mlm add tu lh ak pling mati2an tau!!!!
pg tadi ak x terlepas subuh, but pgi2 lg dh kene leter ngan ibu. ak cm clueless sket die mrh psl ape, sbb nk kte mrh sbb ktorg bgn lmbt, cm tipu lk. blom msok kul 7 pon mse tuh. smpi skg ak msih musykil. tp cm annoying sket lh sbb ak dikejutkan drpd mimpi indah yg melibatkan mke taemin yang ak cinta tuh kepada leteran ibu yg smpi kul 1030 pon x reda lg. sabarlah hati..
hari ni ak ckp ngan kak ngah azam ak nk abeskan wt folio chem. sbb mende tuh cm simple jerk. x yh nk gne akal pikiran, cme nk kene gune sense of fashion jerk, sbb ak nk transform kan folio yg bakal memboringkan tuh kpd sthg yg org akn igt smpi bebile. but obviously ak xkn ltk gambar taemin kt situ, sbb berita pertunangan ak ngan die dh tersebar dkt para guru kt skola, thanks to fb yang sgt membantu tuh. dn ak xnk menambahkan lg apa2 kontroversi di sana. ahhahaha.. silap hr bulan taemin kene dtg malaysia sbb nk kene wat press conference nk jelaskan perkara2nyer. silap2 lg hr bulan, kitorang kene lari. dn klu x btol2 pon lg hr bulannyer, maybe ktorg kene gk expose tarikh pernikahan. :D
tp tuh bkn point ak nk membebel pd hr ni. as you can see, tajuk perbahasan ak adalah tarian pacat. kenapa?
hahahhaa
maghrib td, ak br lepas solat. kak long ak msk bilik air. kak ngah yg b4 tuh tgh mengadap laptop die tetibe bangon dan kuar bilik. ak pikir die nk pi amik air semayang kt bilik air luar, but after dat die masuk ngan charger laptop die. ak ckp lh dgn die 'kak ngah, ak ingat kau kuar td nk pergi bertaubat'.
x semena-mena ak dgr mende jth dan ak tgk kak ngah ak yg sorg ni tetibe terduduk ats lantai. tmbah mengerikan, bile die pandang mke ak dgn mulut ternganga dan mengeluarkan bahasa yg aku pon x leyh nk detect slang ape. nk kte bugis, mmg x lh. len sgt. die continue cmtu for the next 2 minutes, dn ak yg x tau pokok pucuk citer ni terbangak. bile ak tgk die cm dh nk hilang kawalan, ak teros lompat ats bed. instinct pertama ak adalah amik tukul yg ayah semunyi dlm robok tuh. mane lh tau. dlm keadaan cmni adik-beradik pon die dh nmpk cm objek yg ptt dimusnahkan.
rupe-rupenye kisahnya, die terasa ya amat bile ak ckp psl taubat tuh, dn charger yg die ngah pegang tuh automatically jatuh, straight onto her foot yg kecil mulus tuh. sangat r. hahaha. dn reason kenapa die wt tarian pacat atas lantai tuh adelh kerana die berada dlm kesakitan yg amat sangat.
sian ko kak ngah. tu pon nseb bek ak x amik tukul dlm robok tuh. klu x aku yg wt tarian pacat dlm penjara.
hehe.. my kak ngah cud be so clueless at times. spttnye die wt cool dn act as if mende tuh x hurt pride die pon. tp disebabkan die kak ngah, dn kekadang ak yg kene jdk kakak die, die mmg di expect untuk wt mende cm tuh. tp kali ni it caught me off guard. klu x mmg ak dh join tarian die tuh, sbb nk kenakan die. hahahaha
hr ni kak long ak bce mcg ak. slh ak jgk, sbb ltk btoi2 sblh laptop yg die ngah gne tuh. dn waktu tuh emyl plak mengantar sesuatu yg agk memalukan ak bile kak long bce. cehh.
hm. ape lg yer?
ak chat dgn syera. nmpknye die sgt merindui aku. ahhahahaa
ooh. dn mak jai bangkitkan balik pasal issue nme lee kt fb ak tuh. yer, ak dh tkr pd choi dh skg. syera kter, cian taemin, tp ak ckp kt die, taemin bek ati. die phm klu tuh mmg kehendak family aku. hahahah
:)
Thursday, November 18, 2010
gelap
beta sdg berduka lra. assignment bio yg ibunda kirim, sipi2 je lg nk siap, then, tetibe..
TAP!
stu bp gelap gelita.
my one and only reaction was... tidak!!!
now ni, even tae min pon xkn dpt redakan gundah gulane saye. eh, beta.
TAP!
stu bp gelap gelita.
my one and only reaction was... tidak!!!
now ni, even tae min pon xkn dpt redakan gundah gulane saye. eh, beta.
Wednesday, November 17, 2010
early bird gets the worm
tragedi mlm td; ak terpijak lipan dlm gelap. dn lipan tersebut react dgn cekapnyer, dn bbrp kaki die putus disbbkn force yg aku emit pd die. hahahaha. pdn gk mke die. sbb die yg crk psl. dn ak apa lg, teros menjerit bgi lotong dlm hutan, panggil kak ngah aku utk settlekan keadaan. br aku sedar, btp sshnye hidup bile adik-brdik sme pmpuan, bcz in sittuations like this, xde org yg willing utk solvekan problem. hehehe..
tp dsbbkan kami sme bkl jdk ibu2 bile dh besar nnt, dn akn tinggal kt rmh sdri yg pasti ade pests cm si itam seko ni, kami pon bertungkus-lumus utk membuno beliau. adik ak try ngan shieldtox. tp x mampus2. cme cm laklok. maybe mabok kot.. kami geli sbb dgr die kuarkan bunyi gne kaki die yg byk tuh. blegh. rse kembang tekak ak igt balik. pastu, kak ngah ak kte, amik penyapu nak buno. serta-merta mata kami bertiga beralih pd dayung sampan yg ayah simpan kt corner ruang tamu tuh...
lantaklah. mahal ke, bogus ke hargenye, kene redah hutan belantare ke nk beli mende alah tuh, yg ak tau, at the time, makhluk durjana tuh kene dimusnahkan. otk ak dh mcm savage wktu tu. xde mende len.'buno,buno,buno'. je dlm otk aku.
jdk kami amik dayung tersebut, pass pd kak ngah ak sbb mase die yg paling tue. die melenting sket- 'asal aku lak?!' ak ckp die plg berpengalaman. nsb bek die sng kene bodek. puji sket dh cer. hahaha.
dn die pulak yg jdk cm org asli wktu tuh. ak tgk die dh mengalahkan org yg pki cwt dlm hutan. yes, mmg kami ada darah bugis, bt dat's not a good explanation why mse ngah buno lipan tuh tetibe die tercakap bhs bugis. sbb kami x pernah dibesakan begitu. pelik pon, redah jer ah. pertarungan berterusan lbh kurang 10 minit. hampir2 ak terlepas solat maghrib sbb mende tuh. durjana.
ibu pula masih dgn superstitious tuh. ak pon kdg2 rse cm mengarut, tp ak syp jerk. otk ak mmg ssh sket nk percaye mende2 cmtuh, but it's her right. so aku biar jerk.
dn hari ni, kaki ak masih rse meremang dgn rse lipan tuh. blegh. sumpa ak akn fobia dgn lipan smpi bebila pon.
hm.
btw, hr ni ak tuka stat kt fb. from it's comlicated to in a relationship. nmpknye taktik ak utk raih perhatian sgt bejaye. hehehe... tq taiko faiqah zulkefli! lps ak tkr jerk stat ak, berduyun2 org tye sape mika tuh. ak pon ckp no way, sorry but im not going to say anything. pdhl jawapan cm dh jelas dn nyata. spe lg utk aku klu bukan taemin sorg tuh?
huhuhu
dn mereka2 sme pon terpedaya...
hahahahahahha
:D
tp dsbbkan kami sme bkl jdk ibu2 bile dh besar nnt, dn akn tinggal kt rmh sdri yg pasti ade pests cm si itam seko ni, kami pon bertungkus-lumus utk membuno beliau. adik ak try ngan shieldtox. tp x mampus2. cme cm laklok. maybe mabok kot.. kami geli sbb dgr die kuarkan bunyi gne kaki die yg byk tuh. blegh. rse kembang tekak ak igt balik. pastu, kak ngah ak kte, amik penyapu nak buno. serta-merta mata kami bertiga beralih pd dayung sampan yg ayah simpan kt corner ruang tamu tuh...
lantaklah. mahal ke, bogus ke hargenye, kene redah hutan belantare ke nk beli mende alah tuh, yg ak tau, at the time, makhluk durjana tuh kene dimusnahkan. otk ak dh mcm savage wktu tu. xde mende len.'buno,buno,buno'. je dlm otk aku.
jdk kami amik dayung tersebut, pass pd kak ngah ak sbb mase die yg paling tue. die melenting sket- 'asal aku lak?!' ak ckp die plg berpengalaman. nsb bek die sng kene bodek. puji sket dh cer. hahaha.
dn die pulak yg jdk cm org asli wktu tuh. ak tgk die dh mengalahkan org yg pki cwt dlm hutan. yes, mmg kami ada darah bugis, bt dat's not a good explanation why mse ngah buno lipan tuh tetibe die tercakap bhs bugis. sbb kami x pernah dibesakan begitu. pelik pon, redah jer ah. pertarungan berterusan lbh kurang 10 minit. hampir2 ak terlepas solat maghrib sbb mende tuh. durjana.
ibu pula masih dgn superstitious tuh. ak pon kdg2 rse cm mengarut, tp ak syp jerk. otk ak mmg ssh sket nk percaye mende2 cmtuh, but it's her right. so aku biar jerk.
dn hari ni, kaki ak masih rse meremang dgn rse lipan tuh. blegh. sumpa ak akn fobia dgn lipan smpi bebila pon.
hm.
btw, hr ni ak tuka stat kt fb. from it's comlicated to in a relationship. nmpknye taktik ak utk raih perhatian sgt bejaye. hehehe... tq taiko faiqah zulkefli! lps ak tkr jerk stat ak, berduyun2 org tye sape mika tuh. ak pon ckp no way, sorry but im not going to say anything. pdhl jawapan cm dh jelas dn nyata. spe lg utk aku klu bukan taemin sorg tuh?
huhuhu
dn mereka2 sme pon terpedaya...
hahahahahahha
:D
yes, raye
hr ni, disbbkn ak sggh liat utk bgn pg, efek b'sengkang mte tgk wgm mlm td, ak subuh gajah. atau anak gajah. dan ak telah selamat dileteri ayah... pagi2 lg ak dh kene dgr syarahan agama dr die yg tersyg. hahaha
hmm.. actually ak x tau pon hr ni raye. sbb tuh mlm td ak lepak jerk. dan nseb baik ak x memalukan diri dgn marah sesape yg anta msg slmt hari raye kt ak sbb ak igt diorg saje buat pakatan axis utk kenekan aku, disbbkn raye aidilfitri ak tahun ni x berapa mengasyikkan. huhuhu.. klu x mmg ak dh wt flying kick right then and there. dn mne ak nk letak mke ak ni ble naik skola nnt? sumpa akan dijadikan modal utk menggelakkan ak sepanjang tahun. hhuhuu..
dan pg td, ak agak pelik. sbb atas meja dh ada lodeh, ketupat, kuah kacang. ak pikir, dengan otak aku yg agak kebudak-budakkan ni, ibu rindu nk blk kg. hmm, layan jela.
tuptap kt tv kuar azan raye. sumpa ak ingat satu msia nk kenekan ak. dan terima kasih kepada abang ally iskandar yg hensem, die ckp
'selamat hari raya aidiladha kpd semua penonton tv3'.
dn senyuman die yg menawan tuh dh xde kuase nk mesmerise ak seperti sll. sbb ak dh terbangak sgt.
so, that was how i realized today's raya. tu pon kire ok, drpd ak x tau smpi esk pg. dn none of my family members cared to tell me. maybe diorg igtkan ak ni dh ckp common sense utk tau. dh 16, katakan. 16 tuh dh leyh kawen dh. klu kt melaka, la.
agak2nye klu aku mmg dh kawen skg ni dengan suami ak sekali xtau hr ni raye. yela, diekan taemin. br msk Islam, dan x familiar lg dgn perayaan2 kami.. huhuhuhu
830, dh ad kt masjid. hr ni ak pki bj kurung kedah yg ibu beli kt kelantan tuh. jgn tye kenape. ak pon x phm kenapa nme die bj kurung kedah klu org beli kt kelantan. :)
everything went well. i mean well by good, tp hehehe... hr ni ak mkn due pinggan ketupat. full set. ad lodeh, kuah kacang, kurma'. sumpa akan bertambah berat by akhir taun ni.
hmm.. after solat.. blk rumah. slm ayah, msk bilik, mengadap blk assignment bio yg ak rse mmg xkn siap. 4 slide show. tp ak rse ak ni dikire generasi bertuah jgk r. sbb kak ngah ak kte, wktu die f4 dulu kne wt sme chapter. dan ble ak tgk chapter 1 form 5, ak rse cm ak ni org darfur dpt segelen bekalan air. ak kene wt 2 jerk. bertuahnye badan!!!!
nk dikatakan, spttnye hr mulia ni x de mrh2. dn ak pon dh berbaik dgn hanis iryani, yg mmg ak xleh deny ak rindu sgt walaupun kitorg x delh serapat mne pon dulu. tp ble dh gado tuh sah2 lh akn ad rse rindu sbb dh lme x dok gurau sesame. hm, hanis iryani dh ok, but hanis yg lg stu tu.. entah lh. let's just see what fate has in store for us.
tp,,, dn ak tgh menekankan dgn nada yg sangat marah ni, hr ni wa panas!!
marah!
ibu msk laksa sarawak. fine. ak ske mkn je. dn hr ni disebabkan ianya special, ak mkn dpn tv. ibu pon dh mls nk lyn kerenah ak yg mmg telinga lebar ni, so ibu x mrh.
alkisah laksa tuh ada udang rebus. biasenye ak ngap je udang tuh dgn kulit2nye skali, sbb pak wai kte klu makan kulit udang leyh kurus. tp hr ni kan special, so aku pon tolak pinggan tuh, dn kupas kulit die. satu2 ak kupas. merenek peluh kt dahi walaupun kipas panasonic ideas for life tuh on full speed. mak cik dlm tv tuh ngah sebuk buat promosi raye. kak long ak ngah ngap skali ngan aku.
tetibe..
cm yakuza, yg x reti bg salam, seorang pak cik muncul dpn pintu ruang tamu tuh. mmg takdir kot mse tuh pintu tuh ternganga, dn kami berdua sdg free-hair. yela, spe yg pki tudung dlm rmh sdri pon?
ak terbangak. terkejut. sket lg nk blg udang ni kt die. dn die dgn selambe berkata, 'ayah ade?'
sumpa. nsb baik org masjid dn dh jdk trf pak cik. klu die tuh abang, mmg dh slmt aku bg backhand. desh.
free2 je ak dpt dose raye2 ni. dose besar lk tuh.
hm.. tu jela kott yg membuat hari raye ak sedikit x best. yg len2 tuh, kire ok. walaupun klu ktorg blk kg ak rse lg best.
ak kol mak jai, die dgn banggenye berkata 'asal x blk, kt sini mcm2 ada. korban lembu 11 ekor. x pernah2 korban 11. biasenye 2, 3, 4. kancil, unta, kijang, rusa, sme ade. mak jai msk. sme ada kt sini. aina, haziqah, mak uda'.
as if rye aq dh x ckp miserable lg. hmm.. ak terbayang suasana kt rmh pak omar. amboi sedapnya... tetibe tnmpk kaki unta atas meja. terus rase loya. hehehe
nmpknye, mmh ssh lh ak nk lalui hr esok.
hmm.. actually ak x tau pon hr ni raye. sbb tuh mlm td ak lepak jerk. dan nseb baik ak x memalukan diri dgn marah sesape yg anta msg slmt hari raye kt ak sbb ak igt diorg saje buat pakatan axis utk kenekan aku, disbbkn raye aidilfitri ak tahun ni x berapa mengasyikkan. huhuhu.. klu x mmg ak dh wt flying kick right then and there. dn mne ak nk letak mke ak ni ble naik skola nnt? sumpa akan dijadikan modal utk menggelakkan ak sepanjang tahun. hhuhuu..
dan pg td, ak agak pelik. sbb atas meja dh ada lodeh, ketupat, kuah kacang. ak pikir, dengan otak aku yg agak kebudak-budakkan ni, ibu rindu nk blk kg. hmm, layan jela.
tuptap kt tv kuar azan raye. sumpa ak ingat satu msia nk kenekan ak. dan terima kasih kepada abang ally iskandar yg hensem, die ckp
'selamat hari raya aidiladha kpd semua penonton tv3'.
dn senyuman die yg menawan tuh dh xde kuase nk mesmerise ak seperti sll. sbb ak dh terbangak sgt.
so, that was how i realized today's raya. tu pon kire ok, drpd ak x tau smpi esk pg. dn none of my family members cared to tell me. maybe diorg igtkan ak ni dh ckp common sense utk tau. dh 16, katakan. 16 tuh dh leyh kawen dh. klu kt melaka, la.
agak2nye klu aku mmg dh kawen skg ni dengan suami ak sekali xtau hr ni raye. yela, diekan taemin. br msk Islam, dan x familiar lg dgn perayaan2 kami.. huhuhuhu
830, dh ad kt masjid. hr ni ak pki bj kurung kedah yg ibu beli kt kelantan tuh. jgn tye kenape. ak pon x phm kenapa nme die bj kurung kedah klu org beli kt kelantan. :)
everything went well. i mean well by good, tp hehehe... hr ni ak mkn due pinggan ketupat. full set. ad lodeh, kuah kacang, kurma'. sumpa akan bertambah berat by akhir taun ni.
hmm.. after solat.. blk rumah. slm ayah, msk bilik, mengadap blk assignment bio yg ak rse mmg xkn siap. 4 slide show. tp ak rse ak ni dikire generasi bertuah jgk r. sbb kak ngah ak kte, wktu die f4 dulu kne wt sme chapter. dan ble ak tgk chapter 1 form 5, ak rse cm ak ni org darfur dpt segelen bekalan air. ak kene wt 2 jerk. bertuahnye badan!!!!
nk dikatakan, spttnye hr mulia ni x de mrh2. dn ak pon dh berbaik dgn hanis iryani, yg mmg ak xleh deny ak rindu sgt walaupun kitorg x delh serapat mne pon dulu. tp ble dh gado tuh sah2 lh akn ad rse rindu sbb dh lme x dok gurau sesame. hm, hanis iryani dh ok, but hanis yg lg stu tu.. entah lh. let's just see what fate has in store for us.
tp,,, dn ak tgh menekankan dgn nada yg sangat marah ni, hr ni wa panas!!
marah!
ibu msk laksa sarawak. fine. ak ske mkn je. dn hr ni disebabkan ianya special, ak mkn dpn tv. ibu pon dh mls nk lyn kerenah ak yg mmg telinga lebar ni, so ibu x mrh.
alkisah laksa tuh ada udang rebus. biasenye ak ngap je udang tuh dgn kulit2nye skali, sbb pak wai kte klu makan kulit udang leyh kurus. tp hr ni kan special, so aku pon tolak pinggan tuh, dn kupas kulit die. satu2 ak kupas. merenek peluh kt dahi walaupun kipas panasonic ideas for life tuh on full speed. mak cik dlm tv tuh ngah sebuk buat promosi raye. kak long ak ngah ngap skali ngan aku.
tetibe..
cm yakuza, yg x reti bg salam, seorang pak cik muncul dpn pintu ruang tamu tuh. mmg takdir kot mse tuh pintu tuh ternganga, dn kami berdua sdg free-hair. yela, spe yg pki tudung dlm rmh sdri pon?
ak terbangak. terkejut. sket lg nk blg udang ni kt die. dn die dgn selambe berkata, 'ayah ade?'
sumpa. nsb baik org masjid dn dh jdk trf pak cik. klu die tuh abang, mmg dh slmt aku bg backhand. desh.
free2 je ak dpt dose raye2 ni. dose besar lk tuh.
hm.. tu jela kott yg membuat hari raye ak sedikit x best. yg len2 tuh, kire ok. walaupun klu ktorg blk kg ak rse lg best.
ak kol mak jai, die dgn banggenye berkata 'asal x blk, kt sini mcm2 ada. korban lembu 11 ekor. x pernah2 korban 11. biasenye 2, 3, 4. kancil, unta, kijang, rusa, sme ade. mak jai msk. sme ada kt sini. aina, haziqah, mak uda'.
as if rye aq dh x ckp miserable lg. hmm.. ak terbayang suasana kt rmh pak omar. amboi sedapnya... tetibe tnmpk kaki unta atas meja. terus rase loya. hehehe
nmpknye, mmh ssh lh ak nk lalui hr esok.
Tuesday, November 16, 2010
Monday, November 15, 2010
you wudnt answer my calls
Even though I know you how much how much you hate it, I can’t do anything but this
In front of your door, just idly waiting
Even though I’m so miserable, it’s better than losing you
I can’t lose you, so I stay near you, in front of your door waiting
You who won’t answer my calls anymore, you who doesn’t want to see me at all
No matter how I beg for forgiveness, there’s already no use
Waiting by your door, even if you pretend you can’t see me
Brushing past my shoulder like seeing a stranger you just met
Waiting until you are willing to hear me say sorry
Looking at my phone ten times a day, even jumping at the slight sound
To find out if you had sent me a text message
At first, at first, I thought like normal fights you would come back
Because you’re such a nice girl you wouldn’t be so cruel to leave me
You who won’t answer my calls anymore, you who doesn’t want to see me at all
No matter how I beg for forgiveness, there’s already no use
Waiting by your door, even if you pretend you can’t see me
Brushing past my shoulder like seeing a stranger you just met
Waiting until you are willing to hear me say sorry
it has to be you
Today, i wander in my memory
I’m pasing around on the end of this way
You’re still holding me tightly, even though i can’t see you any more
I’m losing my way again
I’m praying to the sky i want see you and hold you more
that i want to see you and hold you more
It can’t be if it’s not you
i can’t be without you
it’s okay if i’m hurt for a day and a year like this
it’s fine even if my heart’s hurts
yes because i’m just in love with you
i cannot send you away one more time
i can’t live without you
it can’t be if it’s not you
i can’t be without you
it’s okay if i’m hurt for a day and a year like this
it’s fine even if my heart’s hurts
yes because i’m just in love with you
my bruised heart
is screaming to me to find you
where are you?
can’t you hear my voice?
to me…
if i live my life again
if i’m born over and over again
i can’t live without you for a day
You’re the one i will keep
you’re the one i will love
i’m…yes because i’m happy enough if i could be with you
...
in this life im living, i wish the only person i cud hurt is myself. no one else. let me be the only person who's hurt because of my own doings, i dont want to live with the regret for the mistakes that i'll never be able to rectify again.
i hate living like this. i hate being here, in this house feeling nothing but dissapointment. i hate the fact that i wud have to deal with all kind of problems eventhough id been at the place that i used to consider as my sanctuary. where i cud seek refuge in. but no more. because there seems to be a new kind of problem here.
i wanted to run. to hide. to get myself away as far as possible from those people that brings the problems in my life. honestly it wudnt hurt this much if it's those that i hate, but it's the people that i love in this case. so im torn between hating them and putting all the blame on them or just stay quiet and let it pass. but im not one who cud just let things pass like that. it'll leave a pretty big mark in my life, and it'll haunt me since then. especially when it's something that i dread.
i know you must think that im blabbering right now, but i have to do this. because im depressed. im hurting to the point that i think my heart must be physically wounded from all the pressure. i sound like a maniac, but i dont care.
i just wish things cud be better. but it didnt turn out that way. all i ever wanted was to lead a peaceful life with the people that i love. but it seems that im losing them one by one, and the one that stays didnt love me back the way they did a few years back. it's hurting me. killing me, somehow.
u dont know how it feels like, because you dont know what's the real problem is. i know, and i decide to keep this all on my own. i dont need people prying me, breathing on my neck all the time. i need space. and when the time comes, i'll talk to someone about it. i promise. when the right time comes.
why cant she respect them? when it happened that morning, i couldnt stand it anymore. i cried because i hated that sittuation. i hated that screamings and fighting. i hate being at the scene and her hurting my parents. dad didnt say anything but just smiled, but i know that his heart's aching. these were the times that i decided that i hate her. even when she's my own sister. because when she's like that, she didnt seem like one. because she's hurting my parents. the two person that i love more than anything else in this world. if she really is, then she wouldnt have the heart to say anything she said and do anything she did that day. i hate her. i hate her to the point that i dont want to talk to her for the rest of my life. i cant wait till the day that i get my own salary and i'll bring my parents away as far away as possible from her. to where she cudnt reach them. so that she'll never hurt them again.
i love my family, especially my parents. that's why i dont want to do things that i know i'll regret later. i dont want to scream at my dad and cause my mom to have reason to hit me. i dont be rude to the two person that raised me up, and were willing to take me in when the whole world locked me out. i will never forget the love that my parents show to me, and that;s why i dont want to let them go. right now, i cnt fight the urge to cry because i cudnt imagine how really my mom and dad were. to have their own daughter to do such things to them. i feel like shutting her up or even killing her at them. i wud do anything, just to stop her from doing those kind of things to my parents again.
ya Allah...
help me. i need help
i hate living like this. i hate being here, in this house feeling nothing but dissapointment. i hate the fact that i wud have to deal with all kind of problems eventhough id been at the place that i used to consider as my sanctuary. where i cud seek refuge in. but no more. because there seems to be a new kind of problem here.
i wanted to run. to hide. to get myself away as far as possible from those people that brings the problems in my life. honestly it wudnt hurt this much if it's those that i hate, but it's the people that i love in this case. so im torn between hating them and putting all the blame on them or just stay quiet and let it pass. but im not one who cud just let things pass like that. it'll leave a pretty big mark in my life, and it'll haunt me since then. especially when it's something that i dread.
i know you must think that im blabbering right now, but i have to do this. because im depressed. im hurting to the point that i think my heart must be physically wounded from all the pressure. i sound like a maniac, but i dont care.
i just wish things cud be better. but it didnt turn out that way. all i ever wanted was to lead a peaceful life with the people that i love. but it seems that im losing them one by one, and the one that stays didnt love me back the way they did a few years back. it's hurting me. killing me, somehow.
u dont know how it feels like, because you dont know what's the real problem is. i know, and i decide to keep this all on my own. i dont need people prying me, breathing on my neck all the time. i need space. and when the time comes, i'll talk to someone about it. i promise. when the right time comes.
why cant she respect them? when it happened that morning, i couldnt stand it anymore. i cried because i hated that sittuation. i hated that screamings and fighting. i hate being at the scene and her hurting my parents. dad didnt say anything but just smiled, but i know that his heart's aching. these were the times that i decided that i hate her. even when she's my own sister. because when she's like that, she didnt seem like one. because she's hurting my parents. the two person that i love more than anything else in this world. if she really is, then she wouldnt have the heart to say anything she said and do anything she did that day. i hate her. i hate her to the point that i dont want to talk to her for the rest of my life. i cant wait till the day that i get my own salary and i'll bring my parents away as far away as possible from her. to where she cudnt reach them. so that she'll never hurt them again.
i love my family, especially my parents. that's why i dont want to do things that i know i'll regret later. i dont want to scream at my dad and cause my mom to have reason to hit me. i dont be rude to the two person that raised me up, and were willing to take me in when the whole world locked me out. i will never forget the love that my parents show to me, and that;s why i dont want to let them go. right now, i cnt fight the urge to cry because i cudnt imagine how really my mom and dad were. to have their own daughter to do such things to them. i feel like shutting her up or even killing her at them. i wud do anything, just to stop her from doing those kind of things to my parents again.
ya Allah...
help me. i need help
Sunday, November 14, 2010
dia milikku
hohoho...
dn hr ni die dh sah menjadi milik aku.. kepunyaan aku sorang je..
lepas beberapa bulan ak sorg2, live like an outcast, and now, finally, something to make me feel like myself again. seriously, this is more than what i deserve, but im grateful anyways. hahaha, who wouldnt be?
we went to jusco today and bought my things. sah2 lh, disebabkan i was the sole purpose for us being there at the crowded jusco tebrau. ibu xberapa nk ske idea pg sne dlm keadaan hujan lebat, but we went there anyway. sbb ak klu dh wt plan mmg mati2an nk laksanakan. pantang mengalah sebelum berundur!! agi hidup agi ngelaban!!
silap haribulan org jumpa ak pakai cawat je. jdk ala2 style rentap. hahahahha
nk tau siapa die?
die lh yg now ni my current hearthrob- my heart, aka mo chridhe. cm org irish ckp lerr. my love. the one that i love more than anything else in the world. maybe now ni taemin dh ade competitor dlm hidup aku. die kene work hard utk dptkn blk tempat die dlm ati aku!!
hahaah
merepek
well,die lh...
LG COOKIE km3555...
woooowww.. best giler..
and i still havent gotten over the shock of finally having one in my own hands. feels out of place, but it's mine. MINE.
dn hr ni die dh sah menjadi milik aku.. kepunyaan aku sorang je..
lepas beberapa bulan ak sorg2, live like an outcast, and now, finally, something to make me feel like myself again. seriously, this is more than what i deserve, but im grateful anyways. hahaha, who wouldnt be?
we went to jusco today and bought my things. sah2 lh, disebabkan i was the sole purpose for us being there at the crowded jusco tebrau. ibu xberapa nk ske idea pg sne dlm keadaan hujan lebat, but we went there anyway. sbb ak klu dh wt plan mmg mati2an nk laksanakan. pantang mengalah sebelum berundur!! agi hidup agi ngelaban!!
silap haribulan org jumpa ak pakai cawat je. jdk ala2 style rentap. hahahahha
nk tau siapa die?
die lh yg now ni my current hearthrob- my heart, aka mo chridhe. cm org irish ckp lerr. my love. the one that i love more than anything else in the world. maybe now ni taemin dh ade competitor dlm hidup aku. die kene work hard utk dptkn blk tempat die dlm ati aku!!
hahaah
merepek
well,die lh...
LG COOKIE km3555...
woooowww.. best giler..
and i still havent gotten over the shock of finally having one in my own hands. feels out of place, but it's mine. MINE.
Friday, November 12, 2010
soalan
mcm mne nk jdk baik?
klu pki tudung tp still liat nk tunaikan 24434 tuh, dh kire baik ker?
klu mls nk lyn lelaki2 gatal, n jaga social life, dh kire baik ker?
klu bataskan pergaulan cume dgn girls, n langsung xkn bg muke or compromise dengan da opposite gender, dh kire baik ker?
klu selalu mtk org maafkan kesalahan sebesar-besar alam tp x pernah ikhlas nak forgive n forget kesalahan org yg kly tgk pki light microscope tuh pon x nmpk, dh kire baik ker?
klu biarkan diri hilang kwn sbb 'she's taken a different road and i dont even know her anymore' dh kire baik ker?
mmg ssh. klu stkt 'baik' dr aspek x smpi hati bk sktkan ati org tua especially parents and teachers, cikgu, itu bukan baik namanya. itu sopan.
beza. sangat.
sopan-sunat. baik& alim- wajib.
lebih kurang camtu kott.
entah.
so mmg quite impossible nk dptkan jawapan.
tukar soalan.
mcm mne nk jadik alim?
klu buat & tunaikan semua perkara2 wajib & sunat, tp still ada hati pada orang, alim ke tu?
salah ke kalau ada rasa tu? naik kering brain juice ak asyik kene perah jerk. perah otak.
klu tgk blk, aku classifykan diri sendiri dlm stok bdk2 baik. yg x ske wt slh. hormat cikgu. wt homework, sedih klu tgk org kena dera, belasah, benci violence. percaya 100% pd karma- pegangan what you give you get back. and kawan2 aku pon mmg sme cmtu gk. klu bukan, ak mmg x kn bg muke.
tp sbb pegangan tu ler yang wtkan ak x ckp baik lg. sbb perasan diri bagos sgt, walaupun x sedar & x intend pon. tu dh kire pdg rendah pada org lain. riak! takbur!
kenapa aku hilang kawan? klu tgk setakat sekali imbas cm main flash cards tuh, mmg senang2 je mulut nk ckp- 'slh diorang, bkn aku'. tp kn, bile dh muhasabah dri, ada pulak suara dlm ati kte- 'kau pown sme jerk. lg terok kott'.
betul ker?
aku yg susah hati setiap kli fight dgn org. ak yg x lalu makan kalau tau aku dibenci. aku yg plg senang nk nangis tanpa segan silu ble sdar hakikat- im losing someone important. and there's nothing i can do about it. full stop.
n die kate-'you're the best friend, not me'.
apa maksud tuh? blame herself and pity me? to be betrayed?
again wif the betrayal thing. right.
hmm.
maybe it wasnt really a betrayal. maybe it was just me, yg mrh sbb die wt sthg yg aku x pernah anggap die yg dulu akan wt pd aku, n the fact that it involves someone else in the triangle, kinda hurts. real bad. big time.
aku xtau what drove her to do that. utk backup org yg dh clearly bersalah in the matter, and halang aku drpd jlnkn tanggungjawab? itu kawan?
keliru, weyh. confused. irritated. angry.
maybe aku yg overdose dgn dissapointment kott. that sadness yg aku rse dulu dgn die yg lg satu ponn still bersisa lg. aku still tgh bertatih. bandage ponn still bsh dgn iodine lg. luka ponn x kering, still open and prone to breakouts.
tambah dgn kesni, alamatnya boleh mati aku. bleed to death. a reason good enough to put in the death certificate.
tp tu ak x yh pikir. ibu & ayah will take over that role, sooner or later. bile2 mse jerla Allah nk claim balik apa yang DIA dh pinjamkan pd ak. apa yg clearly ak dh waste selama ni. bile dh nk smpi mse, br menyesal.
call me a psycho, but i still believe in signs. either directly or indirectly. and that mimpi, i take as an idirect sign, a code, yg aku figure out meaningnye sendiri.
"takutnye. tahun depan dh nk spm dh.."
tu ak yg ckp. mse dlm mimpi tuh. i was sitting somewhere i wasnt familiar with, looking all those happy faces waktu org lain ngan amik slip result keputusan pmr.
die gelak. that guy, yg still aku x leyh nk cm mukenyer. but he's kinda familiar.
"xyah takutlh. kau x kn sempat ponn".
and senyum die after tuh penuh makna.
sebab tulah since that night that i got that sign, aku dh start takot. and lame2, aku mmg dh kompem dat der's no future for me, not after i turn 17 and all.
syirik? khurafat? entahlah.
balik smule pd cerita awl2 td. so, do i have the right to be mad? sbgi sorang prefect? sbb die dh cm mencabar responsibility aku. sbgi sorg kawan? sbb die dh betray that trust yg once aku pernah bg pd die?
and patut ker?
kirenye soalan tuh mmg ssh lh nk dpt jawapan.
to be honest, aku mmg dh penat sgt. bengkak mte sbb menangis smlm pon x reda lg. kesian bdk yg aku cut line shower tuh. and kesian kerajaan sebab aku membazir biarkan air tuh jln jer, sbb ak xnk org dgr esk tangis aky yg mcm mak hilang anak tuh. kenapa aku nangis? simple. sbb ak rse aku dh hilang smeone. 'hilang' tuh bkn sbb stkt gaduh jerk. 'hilang' tuh, sbb die dh mati. pada aku.
skrg mmg ssh ak nk dok kt sblh die w/o rse benci. sbb ape? aku benci pd dat monster yg dok sblh aku, yg dh telan kwn aku hidop2. yg dh lenyapkan die trus. yg dh wtkan aku hilang someone so great to me. it hurts so much, you know? bile aku bandingkan die yg dulu dgn die yg skrg. skt sgt hati ni. bkn sbb dat benci, but because aku rase another friend of mine dh nk tinggalkan aku.
aku tau die byk kutuk aku. or in some ways, gelakkan aku dengan geng2 baru die. ckp aku kodi, gelakkan aku sbb aku pki tudung labuh. pdg rendah pd aku sbb ak klu pki sports attire, x ske tuck in. biar nmpk kodi, but dat's my choice.pilihan aku. ak x ske nk tunjukkan ape yg ak x ptt tunjuk pd org yg x sptuttnya. honestly, mmg aku x pernah nk gelakkan die n talk about anything mean about her behind her back. ada pon dpn die jerk, and that was because it was something both of us used to do. main2. but not now. not anymore. aku tau dat day bila aku nmpk die pndg ak n bisik2 ngan kwn2 die, after tu gelak2 bgi dunie nk runtuh, yg die sbnrnye ngah gelakkan aku. it hurts, daten. it hurts so much.
sejahat-jahat aku pon ak x pernah nk kritik style kwn ak sdri. sbb aku tau dat's what she choose to be. and seingat aku aku x pernah nk mrh die selempang sbb aku tau tu mmg style die. and aku kene wt2 cm x kecik hati bile die sggp defend geng die tnpa pikir psl responsibilty aku. sanggup tipu aku walaupun dh tau it's too late. at that time, mmg ak x sgke daten akan betray dat much. x sangke.
bile aku ingat balik, she was the one yg x jenuh pujuk aku waktu aku kene rejek dengan JSL dulu. rejection tuh... sakit. rase mcm kene sesah dgn pisau rambo pelbagai saiz. mcm kene pijak2 je muke ni. mmg skit.
especially bg someone yg ego tinggi mengalahkan lelaki. mcm aku ni.
die yg tarik aku pergi toilet, pulled me up waktu aku terduduk kt tangga on the way tuh. tunggu aku calm down, and teman aku dok kt 4S sbb aku bacul sangat. malu nk face classmate sbb rse maruah kene clr. pdhl org lain dont even give a damn. teruk sungguh.
and bandingkan die yg selalu jdk teman gelak aku. yg selalu saing gi kantin, yg tunggu kt luar lab each time after habis kelas bio, phys, chem, yg selalu teman aku gi toilet, yg selalu lh jgk terpaksa bersabar dgn bau kentut aku yg senyap2 je terlepas waktu kt kelas, yg selalu sibuk2 lukis2 kt kertas conteng aku, yg paling rajin melayan angan2 aku dengan taemin tuh, yg x pernah marah aku balik klu aku marah die, yg sabar je dengan kerenah aku walaupun aku tau kadang2 i wasnt being nice to her.
sbb tu ker? die dh x thn dengan perangai aku smpi die crk geng lain. maybe.
antara die dulu dengan die sekarang, mmg beza.
complete opposite.
maybe now it's her turn. org kate 16 tuh turning point of life. maybe die dh decide jalan mane nk ambik. and if im really her friend, i should let her move on.
betul aku ikhlas?
ikhlas tuh lain citer. yg penting, biarkan die jdk apa yg die nk. let her free.
so, conclusion?
patut ke tak, i mean, aku biarkan die, n terus give her the cold shoulder? or buat biasa jerk, without da hentak2 barang, jeling2, buat2 mke, everytime aku terserempak ngan die?
i choose the latter, for now. maybe. sbb aku rase dh mcm mne kehilangan tuh. kosong. cm kentang kene tebuk ngan cork borrer. cm jigsaw pizzle yg hilang one piece. rse cm bangang jerk. alone. frustrated. dissapointed.
ive already lost one hell of a valuable, priceless, likely blood-related friend. yg kamceng thp karma. teman ke hulu-hilir. and i dont want to lose one more.
ya Allah,
sakit sangat.
klu pki tudung tp still liat nk tunaikan 24434 tuh, dh kire baik ker?
klu mls nk lyn lelaki2 gatal, n jaga social life, dh kire baik ker?
klu bataskan pergaulan cume dgn girls, n langsung xkn bg muke or compromise dengan da opposite gender, dh kire baik ker?
klu selalu mtk org maafkan kesalahan sebesar-besar alam tp x pernah ikhlas nak forgive n forget kesalahan org yg kly tgk pki light microscope tuh pon x nmpk, dh kire baik ker?
klu biarkan diri hilang kwn sbb 'she's taken a different road and i dont even know her anymore' dh kire baik ker?
mmg ssh. klu stkt 'baik' dr aspek x smpi hati bk sktkan ati org tua especially parents and teachers, cikgu, itu bukan baik namanya. itu sopan.
beza. sangat.
sopan-sunat. baik& alim- wajib.
lebih kurang camtu kott.
entah.
so mmg quite impossible nk dptkan jawapan.
tukar soalan.
mcm mne nk jadik alim?
klu buat & tunaikan semua perkara2 wajib & sunat, tp still ada hati pada orang, alim ke tu?
salah ke kalau ada rasa tu? naik kering brain juice ak asyik kene perah jerk. perah otak.
klu tgk blk, aku classifykan diri sendiri dlm stok bdk2 baik. yg x ske wt slh. hormat cikgu. wt homework, sedih klu tgk org kena dera, belasah, benci violence. percaya 100% pd karma- pegangan what you give you get back. and kawan2 aku pon mmg sme cmtu gk. klu bukan, ak mmg x kn bg muke.
tp sbb pegangan tu ler yang wtkan ak x ckp baik lg. sbb perasan diri bagos sgt, walaupun x sedar & x intend pon. tu dh kire pdg rendah pada org lain. riak! takbur!
kenapa aku hilang kawan? klu tgk setakat sekali imbas cm main flash cards tuh, mmg senang2 je mulut nk ckp- 'slh diorang, bkn aku'. tp kn, bile dh muhasabah dri, ada pulak suara dlm ati kte- 'kau pown sme jerk. lg terok kott'.
betul ker?
aku yg susah hati setiap kli fight dgn org. ak yg x lalu makan kalau tau aku dibenci. aku yg plg senang nk nangis tanpa segan silu ble sdar hakikat- im losing someone important. and there's nothing i can do about it. full stop.
n die kate-'you're the best friend, not me'.
apa maksud tuh? blame herself and pity me? to be betrayed?
again wif the betrayal thing. right.
hmm.
maybe it wasnt really a betrayal. maybe it was just me, yg mrh sbb die wt sthg yg aku x pernah anggap die yg dulu akan wt pd aku, n the fact that it involves someone else in the triangle, kinda hurts. real bad. big time.
aku xtau what drove her to do that. utk backup org yg dh clearly bersalah in the matter, and halang aku drpd jlnkn tanggungjawab? itu kawan?
keliru, weyh. confused. irritated. angry.
maybe aku yg overdose dgn dissapointment kott. that sadness yg aku rse dulu dgn die yg lg satu ponn still bersisa lg. aku still tgh bertatih. bandage ponn still bsh dgn iodine lg. luka ponn x kering, still open and prone to breakouts.
tambah dgn kesni, alamatnya boleh mati aku. bleed to death. a reason good enough to put in the death certificate.
tp tu ak x yh pikir. ibu & ayah will take over that role, sooner or later. bile2 mse jerla Allah nk claim balik apa yang DIA dh pinjamkan pd ak. apa yg clearly ak dh waste selama ni. bile dh nk smpi mse, br menyesal.
call me a psycho, but i still believe in signs. either directly or indirectly. and that mimpi, i take as an idirect sign, a code, yg aku figure out meaningnye sendiri.
"takutnye. tahun depan dh nk spm dh.."
tu ak yg ckp. mse dlm mimpi tuh. i was sitting somewhere i wasnt familiar with, looking all those happy faces waktu org lain ngan amik slip result keputusan pmr.
die gelak. that guy, yg still aku x leyh nk cm mukenyer. but he's kinda familiar.
"xyah takutlh. kau x kn sempat ponn".
and senyum die after tuh penuh makna.
sebab tulah since that night that i got that sign, aku dh start takot. and lame2, aku mmg dh kompem dat der's no future for me, not after i turn 17 and all.
syirik? khurafat? entahlah.
balik smule pd cerita awl2 td. so, do i have the right to be mad? sbgi sorang prefect? sbb die dh cm mencabar responsibility aku. sbgi sorg kawan? sbb die dh betray that trust yg once aku pernah bg pd die?
and patut ker?
kirenye soalan tuh mmg ssh lh nk dpt jawapan.
to be honest, aku mmg dh penat sgt. bengkak mte sbb menangis smlm pon x reda lg. kesian bdk yg aku cut line shower tuh. and kesian kerajaan sebab aku membazir biarkan air tuh jln jer, sbb ak xnk org dgr esk tangis aky yg mcm mak hilang anak tuh. kenapa aku nangis? simple. sbb ak rse aku dh hilang smeone. 'hilang' tuh bkn sbb stkt gaduh jerk. 'hilang' tuh, sbb die dh mati. pada aku.
skrg mmg ssh ak nk dok kt sblh die w/o rse benci. sbb ape? aku benci pd dat monster yg dok sblh aku, yg dh telan kwn aku hidop2. yg dh lenyapkan die trus. yg dh wtkan aku hilang someone so great to me. it hurts so much, you know? bile aku bandingkan die yg dulu dgn die yg skrg. skt sgt hati ni. bkn sbb dat benci, but because aku rase another friend of mine dh nk tinggalkan aku.
aku tau die byk kutuk aku. or in some ways, gelakkan aku dengan geng2 baru die. ckp aku kodi, gelakkan aku sbb aku pki tudung labuh. pdg rendah pd aku sbb ak klu pki sports attire, x ske tuck in. biar nmpk kodi, but dat's my choice.pilihan aku. ak x ske nk tunjukkan ape yg ak x ptt tunjuk pd org yg x sptuttnya. honestly, mmg aku x pernah nk gelakkan die n talk about anything mean about her behind her back. ada pon dpn die jerk, and that was because it was something both of us used to do. main2. but not now. not anymore. aku tau dat day bila aku nmpk die pndg ak n bisik2 ngan kwn2 die, after tu gelak2 bgi dunie nk runtuh, yg die sbnrnye ngah gelakkan aku. it hurts, daten. it hurts so much.
sejahat-jahat aku pon ak x pernah nk kritik style kwn ak sdri. sbb aku tau dat's what she choose to be. and seingat aku aku x pernah nk mrh die selempang sbb aku tau tu mmg style die. and aku kene wt2 cm x kecik hati bile die sggp defend geng die tnpa pikir psl responsibilty aku. sanggup tipu aku walaupun dh tau it's too late. at that time, mmg ak x sgke daten akan betray dat much. x sangke.
bile aku ingat balik, she was the one yg x jenuh pujuk aku waktu aku kene rejek dengan JSL dulu. rejection tuh... sakit. rase mcm kene sesah dgn pisau rambo pelbagai saiz. mcm kene pijak2 je muke ni. mmg skit.
especially bg someone yg ego tinggi mengalahkan lelaki. mcm aku ni.
die yg tarik aku pergi toilet, pulled me up waktu aku terduduk kt tangga on the way tuh. tunggu aku calm down, and teman aku dok kt 4S sbb aku bacul sangat. malu nk face classmate sbb rse maruah kene clr. pdhl org lain dont even give a damn. teruk sungguh.
and bandingkan die yg selalu jdk teman gelak aku. yg selalu saing gi kantin, yg tunggu kt luar lab each time after habis kelas bio, phys, chem, yg selalu teman aku gi toilet, yg selalu lh jgk terpaksa bersabar dgn bau kentut aku yg senyap2 je terlepas waktu kt kelas, yg selalu sibuk2 lukis2 kt kertas conteng aku, yg paling rajin melayan angan2 aku dengan taemin tuh, yg x pernah marah aku balik klu aku marah die, yg sabar je dengan kerenah aku walaupun aku tau kadang2 i wasnt being nice to her.
sbb tu ker? die dh x thn dengan perangai aku smpi die crk geng lain. maybe.
antara die dulu dengan die sekarang, mmg beza.
complete opposite.
maybe now it's her turn. org kate 16 tuh turning point of life. maybe die dh decide jalan mane nk ambik. and if im really her friend, i should let her move on.
betul aku ikhlas?
ikhlas tuh lain citer. yg penting, biarkan die jdk apa yg die nk. let her free.
so, conclusion?
patut ke tak, i mean, aku biarkan die, n terus give her the cold shoulder? or buat biasa jerk, without da hentak2 barang, jeling2, buat2 mke, everytime aku terserempak ngan die?
i choose the latter, for now. maybe. sbb aku rase dh mcm mne kehilangan tuh. kosong. cm kentang kene tebuk ngan cork borrer. cm jigsaw pizzle yg hilang one piece. rse cm bangang jerk. alone. frustrated. dissapointed.
ive already lost one hell of a valuable, priceless, likely blood-related friend. yg kamceng thp karma. teman ke hulu-hilir. and i dont want to lose one more.
ya Allah,
sakit sangat.
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