aint gonna lose one more

we were taken aback with a bad news today. yeah, i think it's real bad, but not as bad as i expected. still, it's nerve-wrecking and unbearable. anyways im thankful that everything turned out fine anyway, just some bruises and a broken rib. i know the pain's still agonozing. i stick to the principle that the worst pain is the one present. i pity dad. and i really do hope and wish that he's gonna be okay and cure as soon as possible.

the moment i got the news, i was shocked, frozen, stoned, stumped. it couldnt be described in any words possible. you wont get it until u experience it urself. u see, ive already lost someone bcoz of a crash, and i cant afford to lose another.

this is just the reason why im not gonna apply for a driving license even when ive passed 18. no way im gonna put a risk to lives. coz i know im reckless and kinda absentminded at times, and yeah, easily distracted even when im driving at 100 km/h. you see the reason why i dont want to do it, right? besides, my own experience of surviving an accident when i was just 4 gave me a lesson, never to put myself behind wheels for the rest of my life. uh'uh. no can do, mister.

but when ive completed shut out any possibilities of me driving a car, the only option left is to drive a bike. the thing is, mom's not gonna like it if her anak dara is seen riding a bike anywhere she goes. she wont see it as a feminine enuf thing to do. as if im really that feminine anyway. i dont see why some of my friends say im really that feminine when im not. i get totally mad and throw things sometimes, and that's certainly nothing beyond feminine. and i pick my nose. for goodness' sake who wouldnt? dont you pick ur nose?

maybe someday mom's gonna give me a lecture on being a real woman. someday's getting closer, especially when im turning 17 pretty soon.

kak ngah, this is also a reminder. go get me a present. i dont want anything catchy, just a shinee, suju or 2am/pm latest album if you can afford. that's the least you could get for me. nothing less than that, okie?

kisah sesumpah

alkisah satu hari semasa di kajang, di pagi yang hening, ak yang bru saje berjumpa dengan air pon keringkan rambut depan kipas. kebetulan masa tuh matahri memancar terang menembusi kaca tingkap ruang tamu, illuminating mke ak yang agak x delah bersinar sangat masa tuh. ibu yang seram tgk ak serabai tuh pon pandang ak dengan senyuman yang amat bermakna. ak tye, 'knpe bu?' dan ibu jawab ngan selambanya, 'mcm sesumpah dan ibu tengok pika ni ngah. kejap tengok, hitam, kejap tengok putih. mase kat kdu, ya Allah, hitamnya syafiqah'

pepagi lagi ak dh dilabel sebagai sesumpah. apelah nasibnya. memandangkan ak pn sedar yang kekadang ak ni putih kekadang ak ni hitam, so ak x leyh la menyangkal pendapat ibuku yang tercinta nieyh. and now that she'd made a statement on it, i was thinking that maybe ak leyh gain profit drpd keunikan ak nieyh. maybe send myself ke mne2 scientist suro diorang wat research on species human yang turning mutan. maybe it's a rare condition, and ak merupakan salah sorang yang memiliki rare quality tuh. hahaha. kaye-raye ak, walaupun dh jadik cm katak yang menjadi objek eksperimen manusia.

ak dh nak cakap ngan ibu pasal plan million-dollar ak tuh, den tetibe ak teringat,

yela, cmne nak g research, and nak spm cmne kak?

yeah. so i'll make sure to persue that plan after spm. if ad scientist nak terima ak la.

ahaha

indahnye bahasamu wahai brader

alkisah ak membaca kisah ketidakpuasan hati kak ngah ak yang di sound kan kt blog die tuh, pasal sorang nenek ni yang name jerk bkk kedai tp cm x kesa sangat klu kedai dier bankrup bile orang dh x nak berurusan ngan die yang mempunyai budi bahasa tahap bangang tuh. ya ya, saye ni sangat2 imperfect. ngan kakak sendiri pon beraku-engkau all the time. but at least i know what respect means. paham x? ngan eksiden ngan pak cik bangang yang mmg selamanya xkn deem respect dr ak tuh, ak rse dunie smemangnya x kan lama lagi akan hancur sbb populasi orang bangang yang menduduki dunie nieyh dah semakin banyak. aduss,,, bahasa ak indahnya,,,, kan? tp someone once told me, klu ak nak deal ngan orang nieyh, kene ikot die cmne. der's reason why ngan certain friends ak lg selesa membahasakan diri kita-awak while others ak gne aku-engkau. sbb tgk jgk orang tuh cmne. in other words, klu orang tuh stok baik, kau nak deal ngan die pon kene bebaik la. gne bahasa sopan sikit. it's not HIPOKRIT ok, but respect to that person yang sememangnya xkn selesa klu x pepasal die yang x biase cursing2 nieyh sme, and then tetibe mendengar kau menyebut perkataan bodoh n bangang tuh dengan selamba badaknya cm x takot dose. paham x maksud aku? klu kau deal ngan kucing, kau mengiau ngan die. klu kau deal ngan imam, kau cakap bebaik ngan die. but in this case, klu kau DEAL NGAN ORANG BANGANG, den u're free to be bangang or more BANGANGer than her, okie?

so remind me please, the next time i meet a girl yang perasan kononnye die memiliki segalanya, dan kononnya die x perlukan respect to other people and everyonr would be falling on her feet just because of her beauty (yucks), tell me that im free to give her a piece of my mind or just a slap in in her face to wake her up. besides, im free to be bangang when i meet someone bangang, right? great philosphy.

im sorry for all the bahasa2 kesat yang ak dh gnekan sepanjang post nieyh, it's just that i cant stand the fact that someone's actually being rude to my sister. especially when she's THE sister. you get what i mean, right? it's like seeing your friend beating your own mom up or watching a group of bullies mulling over your little brother. things like that. i felt like im supposed to be giving that pekedai a piece of my mind and not my sister, since im always the one yang dh biase mengeluarkan kata2 kesat dan carik pasal ngan orang. but not to the extent sampai nak cakap shit, sial, siot and babi laa. ak xde a seterok tuh. just kekadang klu ak dh marah sangat memang laa kau akan rse yang kau x patot crik pasal ngan ak on the first place.

kekadang ak rse cm ak kene potong je mulut ak nieyh. cakap lepas x ingat dunie. ngan kakak ak pon kekadang ak rse i shudnt have said what i said. there were things that i regretted saying to her, like ak regret ak beraku-engkau ngan die. maybe die wat2 x kesa, but at times i felt like that wasnt proper, since she's a sister and all, and i wudve respected her more. lagi2 bile die nieyh jenis yang x banyak komplen especially pade adik die yang ngekk nieyh. rase bersalah faham x?

maybe lepas spm ak akan amik kursus menjaga mulut n percakapan lah. who knows, someday that thing's gonna be bad for me? mane lah tau jodoh x sampai2 sbb mulut ak lancang sangat and it kept away all possibility of seeking a future husband. hahaha

merepek. syafiqah, focus spm.

like yes, i'll try.

what makes me self-concious

this is for everyone!! especially farah ammelia azali, huhu ;P

hello, im innocent here, okie?

inilah kisah pengembaraan ak yang x putusmutus dilanda ngan musibah hri nieyh. musibah sangatlah kott, sbb ak rse ble fashion disaster tuh leh dikire sedahsyat tsunami yang melanda jepun baru2 nieyh, yang juga telah meranapkan impian adik ak yang teringin bangat menetap kt jepun bersama-sama so-called husband-to-be die tuh, namely ninomiya kazunari. dh berkali2 wa bilang sama die, ish2, nino tuh dh kahwin, like kahwin senyap2. tp die xnak dengar. well, as a sister i just want the best for her, hihihi.. walaupun die x berhak wt apa2 cadangan dalam kes hubungan ak ngan taemin. ahaks.

ok, sudah2 merepek. hm. ak shopping selendang ngan kak ngah semalam (klu beli sehelai jerk selendang yang kurang dr rm25 tuh pon leyh dikire sebagai shopping lerr), dan itu merupakan selendang first yang aku beli sendiri. and uhuh, you could say today was the first day ak brave enuf to don that shawl publicly. before this mmg ak dh pernah pakai selendang, but that was years ago mase ak x kenal lagi ape itu style dan the only handbag yg ak berani pakai adalah handbag barbie yang ibu terpaksa belikan ak ngan adik disebabkan kami merengek tengah2 crowd kat carrefour years ago. like MANY years ago. huhu,, menyedarkan ak betape tuanya ak sekarang nieyh, and how time flies so quickly, i shudnt be here updating my blog after all, sbb spm dh nak dekat. which makes me think once again, that if spm betul2 dh nak dekat, then ppm lg lerr dh nak dekat. and im not really that prepared to face razzaq's debate unit once again, walaupun mereka ni hanyalah juniors semate2. yes, juniors, but juniors yang dh pernah masuk smpi quater-finals for university international debate in istanbul. consider that fact and judge if they're supposed to be considered as juniors anymore or not. yeah, you know what i mean, right? walaupun ak dh agak confident ble ak tgk cmne performance star mase kdu hr tuh,, but then again, i shudnt be really confident, right? anything can happen. anyway, diorang still dh msok smpi finals last year walaupun kalah ngan sas, which was predictable because they've already did kalah ngan sas mase kat pasir puteh lagi. chances are, kitorang akan jumpe ngan either star or asis if kitorang dpt proceed until 2nd round. ak rse chance nk proceed 2nd round tuh ade, lgpon last year ktorg jdk juara kumpulan and all, until that conflict ngan samura came up .wtv. hm, and then, how to get through star or asis, i dont know yet. haha

mse kdu ak dh tengok how asis was, and they're slightly average, for me lah. but still, they managed to go against ktj and won after all, so there must be something behind that, right? especially the fact yang diorang ad adik kak qist (i dont knw his name, because he wasnt really that friendly), and he's just like kak qist in any ways possible. hahah. he even look like her. die je tau name ak sape, but ak x tau nme die sape. xpla. lg skit die tau pasal debaters stf, lg bagos.

here's the thing; if somehow we could make it to the finals this year we're going to prove to bonda dt we're not some piece of junk. we demand to be treated equally like the way she treated the basketballers and hockey players. we seriously mean business, and what we want must be achieved at the end of the day. like request ktorang since the last 2 years to at least get a debate room. just one empty room, and that's all. laptop, int conn, we've got it all. just an empty room, and we would shut our mouths up. but she didnt respond positively to any of them, and nevertheless managed to infuriate us more when she abolished the debate society and made it clear that she didnt give a damn in the world about us and our welfare when she cut off any possibilities of participating in any other debate tournaments than hksbp. she s@@@@. like big time.

so so, we're still going to hk dis year, which was a relief because there's no more zon selatan to make matters worse. just let us all go and things will be easier, right? lgpon dis year's gonna be much more grand than the past years, since it's organized jointly by saser, sdar and tkc. yeah. ;)

anyways, finally back here in bp after 2 agonozing months. seriously, betol la orang kte, hujan emas di negeri orang, hujan batu di negeri sendiri, lebih baik di negeri sendiri, walaupun hujan batu jerk memanjang. hahaha. pengalaman ak menetap kt aussie slme beberapa hari memang lerr best, but the fact yang ak jauh dgn that place that i call home and my sanctuary kinda makes me edgy sometimes. like x pasal gile wat ak rse cm, 'ish, lost semacam je', that kind of feeling au. you get what i mean?

gtg nw. ad mende nk kene wat.

ps. ngah, make sure kau jge kak long bebaik. hahaha. jangan sampai die x cukup makan, nnt die bawak kau g makan ngan ustz naye kau. hikhik. anyways, jangan lupe citer kt ak klu kau kene balik ngan anak kawan ayah tuh lagi. hihihi. hahahahah
huhuhu

;P

Selendang-lilit keliling

yeah2, i was just kidding anyway

it's 1.35 am, and im still awake, not doing anything in particular. my lil' sis and i are crashing at the elders' room, so that left kak ngah 'homeless', so she had to take our room instead. i pity her, but so what? adek took her bed anyway.

i missed dib's birthday and havent made the effort to call her since then, and yeah, automatically, im in the blacklist. probably they're going to ignore my birthday as well. hm, with so many things in my mind, i would most probably miss my own birthday anyway. so there's no point of hoping for anything fancy on my birthday this year. mom and dad might as well forget about it like they did last year, and yeah, maybe my sis will try to think for better ideas for my birthday present instead of just the usual stuff girls could get themselves. like the animob pouch she gave me last year. i cudve gotten one myself if i simply wanted to, (and if i have the money). maybe i should start giving hints on the things i hope for birthday. like shinee's album or a trip to korea for a vacation or something like that. although they might seem qualified to go to the impossible's list, but a girl's got to do what a girl's got to do. yeah, just dream.

oh, and aussie's pics are already uploaded at fb, but only some of them because there's like hundreds more. i really dont want to mess things up so i just put everything under the same folder. hahaha. depends on how people see it. anyway, im feeling sleepy already, but we're not even close to half of the pics to be uploaded. great. and my hw are like calling me, chanting my name; pika!!!- demanding to be done. it's either them, or it's my mom. hahaha.

;P

how NOT to fall in love with a chinese guy named adrian

it's simple. dont;

1. look at him, you might be mesmerized with his 'twinkling' eyes, cute dimples and mischevous grin.
2. hear him say anything, coz anything that comes out of his mouth would be proven either too humorous, sweet, or smart for you to handle.
3. get yourself involved with any debate events which might involve him as well, coz if you do, it's going to be fatal for you coz well yeah, you might easily fall for him the moment you first set eyes on him
4. ever dream of being of any importance or somehow get his attention (except if you're standing alone like a strayed refuge with a dozen of luggages to take care of outside his tab room, which is really disturbing and annoying, coz he just wants some privacy to discuss with his tabbers on the breaking teams, if you get what i mean)
5. live with the fact that you've seen, heard or known him.

which, basically my fellow debaters had just violated recently.

girls, suffer the consequences (addressed to me myself as well)

;P

dato' cq teo debate challenge

this year's the first time we actually really participated in a u-style debate, and yeah, it was kinda depressing. to be honest, i was dissapointed. not with my team, but with myself. there were some slight complications with the team's structure and strategy, but that was resolved right then and there, but still, i see that im still in the same condition as i were 4 years ago. i see now that there's more people who are better than me out there, and what i am right now is actually close to nothing if you want to compare with them. anyways, im actually thankful that we were there. because i could see what i should improve on. im no more the 2nd speaker. yes, kimi was right. ishudve taken the 1st speaker anyway. now im not really that afraid on representing and laying out the case for our team. i was actually excited to give my speech when i was the pm! that was actually kinda weird, because usually the PMs are the people who's going to mess up because of nerves and so on, but i was nothing close to do that. it kinda felt like i wanted to prove something to the whole house. like there's something im owing to the adjus and the audience. yeah, something like that.

anyways, i wud say that kdu dis year, was like a reacting of iium in 2008. why? well, there's too much drama for me to handle. first is the fact that i met so many people from my past (yeah,yeah) and plus another person that i really didnt want to meet on the first place- which was sakinah. i dont knw what the sign actually meant. or if it did have a sign or not. you get the idea, yeah.

now that im back home, im kinda tired. and there's like tonnes of hw to be done. i really want to lay back and relax for a few days (to my mom's chagrin, no way) but the thing is, im not allowed to. whenever i wanna have some fun or just lay back and read a novel or something, mom's gonna give me a lecture on how close the spm is coming and yadda yadda, mainly about my studies. yeah, you could tell that it;s depressing. very. especially when you're already facing that kind of pressure when you're at school. the fact that you would have to deal with that at school plus at home is really equal to annoying.

anyways, i dont care anymore


emyl's just back from singapore. i told her about the kinah thing, and i could tell that she couldnt be more interested. she just asked me if i said anything to afaf. basically she just wanted to know if i actually talked to afaf, which i didnt do, because i would look like an idiot or a maniac if i do so. i really couldnt care less about talking to afaf anyway. it's not like he's an important person in the debate community. chet. hahahahaa

im addicted to the song 'thank god i found you' right now. yeah2, i know it's kinda too old already, but it's really nice.

okok,, getting sleepy. have to go now.

i know i might sound kinda boring today, but who cares? sape jerk yang bace minatang ni pon kan? so im like very free to say anything i wanna say

pika

lifewire

ak dh berada dlm situasi yg mane ak dh x tau nak wat pape. exam br jerk berakhir,,, which makes matters worse sbb mak ak bakal mengebom ak dgn soalan2 seperti 'dh dpt result?' ' syakira comellllllllllllllllllllll!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!'
 dan sebagainya.

so far, everything's working out fine, which in my own dictinory, has the definition close to the word- 'friggin' terrible'. i know it may sound kina exxagerating in a way, tp that's how im going to put things here. just whoever decided to invent exams on the first place, seriously no credits to him (im pretty sure it's a him, coz usually only men gets stupid ideas that seem likely to bring the end of the world). someone have got to give that alexander graham bell guy a piece of their mind.

im juts back from aussie, if one month back in malaysia cud still be considered as ' just back ', and life has gotten along pretty well since then. i started my classes as usual, and there's nothing i wanted to do than going back home and

bye. got to go now.
ttyl