GIVE ME BACK MY HUSBAND!!! Part 2

GIVE ME BACK MY HUSBAND PART 1

 "Yoo Rin-ah!"

  it was a good thing Key uppa acted fast. he managed to catch Yoo Rin just before her body hits the floor. he gave her cheeks a slow pat realizing that she wasnt giving any response, carried her to the nearest guest room. we hurried after him, still shocked with the news that she brought.

  "it couldnt be. first taemin uppa, now the manager hyung, Yoo Rin's dad.. "

  "Yoo Rin! Yoo Rin!! wake up, you silly! you're making me worried! Yoo Rin! wake up!"

  Key uppa tried again and again to wake Yoo Rin up. it seemed that he really was worried about her. his expression at the time, was unexplainable. i thought he hated her. but why would he worry so much about her when she fainted?

  Minho uppa took Key uppa's hand and pulled him away from the bed. i saw them exchange looks and Key uppa backed away with much hesitation. Minho uppa took his place next to the bed and pulled the blanket over her body.

   "she's pale. if she doesnt wake up after about 10 minutes, we'll have to bring her to the hospital. i think it might be her blood pressure or something like that," he felt Yoo Rin's forehead and neck.

  "uppa, didnt you hear what she said? manager hyung is dead! they killed him!" i yelled at the top of my lungs, my thoughts were no more directed to my best friend who'd just lost conciousness.

   the sittuation's gotten more complicated. it seemed that the psycho's determined to get more people involved. a murder means the involvement of cops, and there would be rumours. news about taemin uppa's dissapearance will be the talk of the town. and all fingers will be pointed at me. i would be the one to blame. maybe that's what victoria wanted. to get me driven mad by all the commotion. or even get the whole south korea to kick me out because id just caused the lost of their beloved Taemin.

   but she wanted me to play a game.

  "she wanted me to play a game. then a game it is,"

   i didnt care anymore. if she wanted me, then she wouldve taken me on the first place, not taemin uppa. and killing other people, i just couldnt stand the fact that innocent lives are put to risk just because of me. whatever it was that drove victoria to set up and plan so big for me, im not gonna just stand back and let it be. i wont let her destroy the happiness id just got. and im not going to let myself live if taemin uppa dies. i wouldnt let victoria survive if she killed another life. she'd be sorry for setting me up on the first place. im not going to let her play me along. im not that weak.

   "Soo Jin-ah, what are you talking about?" Key uppa took me in his arms and hugged me tightly. i suppose he thought it would be able to bring me to my senses, but he's wrong. his hug did nothing but make me more determined with the decision ive made. im already on the verge of losing taemin uppa. and if i did, im not going to let victoria survive. i dont want to lose more person that i love.

  i looked around the room, to the faces that ive treasured all my life. Onew uppa- he was always there, all the time when taemin and i, we, needed him. he constanly gave up support to get through the hard times together. he backed me up when some anti-fans suddenlt attacked me on the road. and my life was saved quite a few times by him. although he had his own heartbreaks, he's always all ears when i had to pour everything out and just cry.

  Key uppa- always the clown. he managed to make me laugh all the time. he may act rough some times, but i know that he's just wearing that mask to shield his past. i knew about his dissapointment, his fears..  taemin uppa told me all about them. eventhough he acts all punk when he's around Yoo Rin, i knew there must be something behind that act. he mustve a reason for all of that.

   Minho uppa. the real tough one. he saved me from gangsters, ahaha, kinda like the way yi jung and woobin saved jandi when she was attacked in some alley. yup, Minho uppa's like that. he's good in combat, and he's won in one to one fights most of the time. the first time i met him he was as cool as a cucumber. i even thought that he hated me. he didnt talk much, and i was always very uncomfortable when he's around. i was afraid that anything i say will make him hate me more. but it turned out that he didnt hate me at all. liked me, even. its just that he's not really used to me at the time. but now, things changed. we're a family.

   Yoo Rin. we've been so many things together. from the first day we knew each other- we accidentally bumped into each other when i was on my way sending Taemin uppa his lunch at the company. she was still a trainee then. her friendliness immidietly attracted me. she's the best. and now that she'd lost her dad because of me, im not going to let that pass just like that. im going to fight for her.

  "Soo Jin-ah, who are you kidding? this guy just killed manager hyung! he's dangerous!"

  i shrugged. no way they're going to make me change my decision.

  "they want me. and if i dont go to them, more people will die. and it will be because of me.  do you think i can live the rest of my life thinking that i caused the death of so many innocent people? look at Yoo Rin. what is she supposed to do? she's young! and she lost her dad! what about her future?"

   Onew uppa hesitated for a moment, but then grunted went by my side. he held out his hand, "well if that is so, you'll have to go through this with all of us,"

   i opened my mouth to protest, but he hushed me. "no buts," he turned to the others and yelled, " right guys?"

   "dae!" they cried in unison.

   a low cough from Yoo Rin made all eyes turn to her, especially Key uppa's

  "Yoo Rin-ah!" he cried and jumped to her side, knocking Minho uppa who was standing by the bed post.

   "you scared me to death, you chicken! i thought i'd lost..." Key uppa immidietly bit his tongue when he realized what he was saying out loud.

  "what did you think you'd lost, ha Key?" Minho uppa gave him a nudge and laughed so loud that i could help but laugh along. Onew uppa just made a loud snort. Yoo Rin, still shaken, sat silently in the bed and stared at Key uppa, confused.

  realizing the sittuation he'd just got himself into, Key uppa took his hand that was gripping Yoo Rin's shoulder so hard that it left a mark. he backed awaya few steps from the bed and grunted.

  "ahboe? i didnt say anything! stop making stories!"

   "us? makin stories? you shouldve seen your face when you saw Yoo Rin fainting! you were as white as a sheet! you call that making stories?"

   Key uppa quickly covered Minho uppa's mouth with his hand and shut him up.

   "huh? Minho uppa, what were you saying? i didnt hear you," Yoo Rin shook her head slowly. "urgh, my head hurts."

   "didnt she remember anything?" Onew uppa whispered in my ears.

   Yoo Rin,, it couldnt be she'd forgotten about it already. it wasnt even 10 minutes yet since she passed out. i was baffled. could it be.. Yoo Rin was too shocked that her brain created a false memory?

  ive heard about it many times before, when you get a news so shocking or heartbreaking that your body creats a pressure that causes the brain to be forced to create a false memory that replaces the true event. could it be Yoo Rin's brain had just created a false memory?

  "Yoo Rin, dont you remember anything?"

  she looked at me long and hard before answering.

 "yeah, of course. i fell in the study and hit my head pretty hard. why?"

  Onew uppa looked at me and breathed, "trouble."

TO BE CONTINUED

hahaha, amik kau ngah

mlm td, ble ak dh agak kompem yang kak ngah ak dh lena diulit mimpi indah, ak terus get on ngan misi aku membalas dendam pd die. hahahahhaha. ak bkk fb n teros check-in account ak. pe lg, misi ak pon dilaksanakan dengan lancar dn tanpa sebarang gangguan para penaja langsung. hehehe, siap lh kau ngah. bkn ak yang crik masalah. kau yang sengaja mencari masalah. troublemaker is my middle nme, okey? oh, and my first name is lee. hehehe..

taemin kate die sayang kat ak sbb ak ni comel. hahah, dan partly because ak pandai sangat mengenakan org. kekadang i get carried away with the joke, when it's clear that no other people seems to enjoy it but me, and i became the only one who's laughing, but sbb tu lerr ak dikatekan comel. sbb ak ni different. hehehehe...

ngah, kau tengok jeler apa akan jadik nnt. i left a spark that if left untended, will become the biggest flame that can throw you off the ground. even leeteuk ahjushi kau tu pon x kn mampu untuk tolong kau nnt.

neghngehnghe

well, emyl's leaving for hong kong in a few more days, and i think dyana's already back from korea. good for them. ak dh pesan kat emyl klu die terserempak ngan hankyung kat hong kong nnt ckp kt die ak kirim salam. bagi skali ak nyer fon number. hahahaha. merepek. and klu lerr die terserempak ngan taemin, suro die datang malaysia amik ak g jalan2. ak dh macam carcass kat sini. boring, asyek kene g cat rumah jerr.

study cm bangang. aku tau ayat tuh agak melampau, tp it's the real thing. ak bkk set add tuh, ak rase takot sgt. rse cm diri ni dh jadik oh ha ni. rase cm ak ni perempuan bodoh lh plak. n bila bayangkan ak ni berada di tempat kakak ak yg dh masuk u tuh,, pergh memang takot beb. sbb ak x leyh bayangkan ak yang dh dewasa cenggitu, ak rase cm ak xkn mampu. beb, takot!!!

cmne lerr kakak ak tuh leyh get through. oh, ak lupe. sbb die PANDAI. genius.

heyhey,, penat berangan, penat try nk meng-fulfillkan anganan ak nieyh. hish..

ok lerr

ttyl

kak ngah, stop making a pabo of yourself.

hari ni ak nk ceritakan satu kiesah tragik yang berlaku pd kak ngah ak semase kami tengah melepakkn diri kat mph alamanda.

hmm, ceritanyer bermula begini. sebenarnya kami ke situ sbb ak nk memenuhkan hajat ak untuk membeli novel aabb yang dh lme ak nk suro kak ngah bace tuh. ak tau die dah bace, but that was a few years ago, when she was still called a high school girl. now die dah grad, and xlme lg die akan masok u mne nth n i probably wont see her for a very long time. hajat pelik ak nih timbul secara tetibe sbb ak rse mereka berdua nieyh (kak ngah n someone) comel sangat. walaupun kak ngah sll marah ble aku bangkitkan isu tuh, but still ak rse mereka berdua sangat22222 comelll. dan ak akan jdk wanita paling hepi klu ape yg aku cakapkan selame nieyh tuh menjadi kenyataan. heehheeh

oh, aabb citer pasal doktor n enginerr, yang ends up marrying each other. n mereka n happened to be classmates mase zaman skola, n xpena kamceng bersame. asyk nk gado jerk. cm rivals cm tuh r..

so much like kak ngah n dat person. hahahahahahahaha :))

and disebabkan novel tuh x de, so ak decide utk checkout komik ler plak,, ngan kakak2 ak.

ak men capai jerk stu komik nieyh, n bile ak tgk tajuk die, ak dh tau yg citer tuh x interesting. hahaha.. and ak letak lh balik.

kami masing2 tengah sibuk melayan perasaan menelaah kmik2 tuh, tetibe kak ngah ak yang rse diri die innocent cm shinbe sorg nieyh sbut, loud n clear, as clear as the night sky, crystal clear, tanpa segan silu.

'keindahan cinta malam pertama'

HAHAHAHAHA. BODO.
sorry, didnt mean that, but seriously..

jatuh rahang ak tergelak. naseb bek ak x terhantuk kepale ak kt rak buku tuh, klu x masok dlm death certificate, mati sbb gelak banyak sangat. den made a suicide attempt. hahaha..

mak cik yang berdiri kat belakang kak ngah mase tuh dh terbangak tahap karma, ak still ingat mke die cmne sumpa, ak rse die dh terkejot thp xingat dunie. ak rse, klu ashraff muslim lalu dpn ak pon ak still xkn dpt kontrol gelak ak mase tuh. terbahak-bahak. abang yg dekat kaunter tuh pon dengar gak, but die tros lari belakang rak buku, ak rse sbb die x thn sgt nk gelak kott.

dan kak ngah pon dh sedar kesilapan die,, so die pon tergelak gak.

ak ckp ngan die. 'apehall lerr ngekk sangat kau nieyh kak ngah? kau pikir ap? melampau giler. tajuk die keindahan cinta malam PURNAMA. pehal lk malam pertama?'

naseb bek die kakak, klu x ak dh luku kepale die sbb memalukan kami kt dlm mph tuh. sumpa, ak dh x nk tunjuk mke kt situ untuk jangka waktu yang agak lame.

neh2. sme sbb kak ngah. weyh ngah, len kali kau ikut ak g jejalan kau kene plaster dulu mulut kau tuh. bikin waa gawattt jerrr mina nieyh

one day i kl

hr ni tepat kol 12 tgh hr kami dh meronggeng di sogo. or at least kak jah n mak jai lh. abg uji merangkap si driver dh ilang enta ke mane. ak agk rse terkilan dn ssh ati sbb ak tertibai lamb chop ngan lemak2 kambing tuh skali. enta kenape tetibe selera menguasai segalanya, my conscience was taken over by greed. i was supposed to be on a strict diet plan, but just because of that lamb chop, everything was ruined. mak jai pula x btau ak yang aku ngap tuh sbnrnye full 100% lamb fat, up until mende tuh dh jdk bolus dlm anak tekak ak. naseb ak x gag balik mende tuh keluar, klu x ak dh wt drama korea tengah2 food court tuh. dlm hati' uh,, telan jela. naseb aku. len kali wt sesi kenal-mengenal ngan encik lemak kambing. biasenye klu ak makann daging lembu ak ngap jerk die nyer lemak skali, sbb ak tau lembu yang dimasak kt dining hall tuh dr jenis yang agak x sehat seperti yang mereka jual di restoran2 itali tuh. kurus lerr, so lemak die agak x membimbangkan. lgpn ble lg ak nk merase makan lemak binatang an
hahaahahah

dekat sogo tuh,, PACKED. lgpon tuh bkn tempat ak. nk beli baju, sumpa ak x berani nak beli walaupun ayah ad bg ak 150. bkn jenis ak nk pegi bli barang tnp parents. hehehe, actually, tanpa duit parents. lgpon da only things yg ak brani beli tnpa parents ak adalah makanan, kredit, n buku. tuh pon sbb mak ak dh strictly kate die xnk ak beli ape2 buku esp novels. sbb tuh ak xleyh beli depan die. klu x naye. dpt flying kick smpi russia. save cost airplane.

ak terpakse kensel plan nk study ngan diba n fina. actuallu mereka2 ni ajak ak g library, and ive already agreed. but den came up ayah's plan utk bwk kak ngah n kak long blk kajang, so ak pon intrigued. plus ak dh lme merengek nk dibawa bejalan. so ak cm nk sangat g. so fina n diba, ak hrp korang phm yerr keadaan ak. ak x melancong memane, so ak blk kajang ni pon dh dikire bernasib baik sebenarnye. hehehe.. ak janji len kali ak wat field trip ngan korang ke library kebanggaan bandar penawar tuhh,

lps g sogo kmi proceed ker klcc. sumpa. klu sogo tuh packed, klcc cm sardin expired. yang tin die kembong tuh.. i couldnt go anywhere without bumping into other people. klu org tuh tinggi xpe gk. ni kecit, budak2 tuh. tetibe ak rse cian kt bdk cina yang aq terlanggar. hehhee.. sorry ye dik. akak termesmerised sgt tgk mke abg taemin dlm phone ni haa,,, dh jdk wallpaper smle lepas kene marah ngan ibu ari tuh.klu nk mintak duit ganti rugi mintak kat die yerr? akak ni bini die yang tercinta, nnt die bayarkan.

da only thing yg ak mampu beli di klcc or more exact di kinokuniya, adalah buku. n dat was because buku tuh way lg murah drpd yg ak jumpe kt mph alamanda. ak mmg dh lme target nk beli buku tuh, sjk ak f3. a diary yang ak rse worth tulis slme due tahun. hahahah.. ak rase dat was the only thing yang lagi murah. even planner nipis kecik yang ak rse klu ak crk kt harris tuh pon 11 ringgit jer, kt sne dh jdk 5o ringhit. glerr tabik spring wa ngan budak yang berani mintak mak die belikan tu. mte ak terbulat gaye golf ball ble tgh price tag nyer. kepala hotak hang, toke kinokuniya huii.

diary tuh,, ak beli exclusively untuk tulis life ak for senior year-thn dpn. ak mmg into writing journals, tp since what happened, hahaha. actually it hurts to open the last journal i had anymore. so to save me from heartbreaks, and from reliving old memories, ak tutup tros journal tuh n teros simpan dlm laci selama-lamanya.

but next year mmg ak akn tulis blk. old habit. kene wat gk.

i just hope it's gonna be colourful. i can go through some series of heartaches, anyway, people dont say 'a woman's heart is an ocean of secrets' withoit any reasons. huhuhuhu...

next year's gonna be tough. thn terakhir ak akan bergelar stfian. ak xtau ak nk amik ape after abes high school. actually, ak rse high school was supposed to be my sanctuary. although ak x perasan, but it was. sbb mase high school ak x yh nk pk psl pape except passing exams and fulfilling people's expectations. hahahaha.. it's hard, but at least x yh nk pening pk pasal nk amik couse ape n cmne nk dpt 4 flat. kt u kene pepandai idop sendiri. makan minum,,,,, kt high school klu makan jer tros g dining hall. klu bkn wktu makan ponn,,, pepandai lerr bodek mak cik dining hall tuh utk masakkan makanan.. hhehehee

ok lerr. have to go, nk pg alamanda. da right place for me. hehehe

kak! tgk citer ZOMBIIEEEEEEEE!!!

ok, ini kisah bagaimana ak akhirnya menyedari hakikat bahawa kanak-kanak bawah usia pd zaman skrg ni dh berevolusi. yang amat sangat. dh akhirnya ak mula menyedari yang mereka2 ni dh seiinocent cmne seperti mse ak kecik dulu.

hehh,,,

begini,, kazen ak dr perak mai datang bandar penawar. alkisah kazen lelaki ak yang kecik cenonet nieyh mmg sgt lh minat nk tgk citerr dlm bilik ma dan pa (hahhaa,, geli gilakss)

jdk kami pon keluarkan lah satu persatu kotak cd yang dh lame berhabuk dan dilupakan belakang robok tv tuh.. penat dan ssh toll nak layan bdk comel tuh wt keputusan nk tgk citer pe.

alkisah ayah ada lah beli dan menyimpan citer daybreakers and 30 days of night. ak mmg sedia maklum yang citer tuh mmg gilerr gory, dan setakat ni ak sendiri pon masih belum dpt accumulate sebanyak dan secukup tenaga dan keberanian untuk tgk citer2 tuh lg. almaklumlah ak ni mmg fobia langsung dgn darah. even the sight of that haemoglobin-filled liquid makes me wanna puke. dan segalanya mmg terbukti betoll belaka waktu tragedi tumbang pengsan tengah2 hutan endau-rompin dulu. sumpaa, mmg wat kecoh toll. tengah2 hutan ak leyh pengsan sbb tgk darah. kalau tanya ak, it mmg one of the many cases in which i extremely embarassed myself.

okay, wtv. dan budak tuh pon came upon cd tuh. ak punya terbangak tgk cd tuh ad dlm case tuh, terus cepat2 rampas case cd tuh drpd tangan dierr.

'akak! nk tgk citer tuh!'



'heheh,, xyh lh mie, kte tgk citer laen, nak? citer ni x best pon lh'



'best,,' sambil keluarkan cd tuh dr casenye, 'org dh tgk dh,,'

'ha, dh tgk x yh lh tgk lg,'

'ala, bestlah akak... kte tgk kn, org tuh tido malam2 pastu tetibe ble pg die bgn tgk kt sblh die ad zombie. pastu zombie tuh pegang bahu die, pastu nampak die putuskan kepala laki tuh. pomm!'



'heh? x yh lh citerr..'

'best lh kak, pastu an , last skali sme org mati. lelaki tu pon mati. pastu yang hidup tinggal cume pompuan tuh jerk. kte tgk sbb abg download. ni cd 1. ad yg scnd ngan ketiga. yg scnd tuh, pompuan tu plak yg mati, laki tuh hidup'.

'lepas tuh, die penggal kepala org tuh, pastu die koyakkan tangan ngan kaki die.'

sumpaa,, beliau ni br jerk umo 8 thn.

this is me you're talking to

this was bound to happen
it was just a matter of time
this town is just too small
for us to really say goodbye

you're smiling that smile
that you get when you're nervous
like you don't quite know what to do
but this is me you're talking to
THIS IS ME YOU'RE TALKING TO

i've heard you met somebody
it didn't take you very long
and i'll admit it isn't easy
knowing you've moved on

but i can see
how you could make any woman
fall deep in love with you
this is me you're talking to

me, the one who really knows you
me, the one whose heart you've broken
me, the one who was still hoping
you might be missing me

we don't have to do this
we don't have to act like friends
as much as i would love to
i really just don't think i can

you don't have to tell me
that you really love me
after all we have been through
cuz this is me you're talking to

me, the one who really knows you
me, the one whose heart you've broken
me, the one who was still hoping
you might be missing me

oh, and you don't have to say you do
this is me you're talking to
this is me you're talking to

Younha - Broke up today Lyrics with English translations

ROMANIZATIon

*Oneul Heeojyeosseoyo / Broke up today*

saehayan meopeulleoe eolgurul mutgo

bulgeojin nuneul kkamppagimyeo neol gidaryeosseo

museunyaegil hagopeunji geu mal

algeotdo gateunde moreugesseo

eosaekhan nuninsae mogi meigo

hanbal mulleoseon uri dul gonggane nunmul teojigo

hwaganaseo sorichideut garan naemareun

beolsseo neon ajumeolli daranabeoryeosseo

oneul heeojyeosseoyo uri heeojyeosseoyo

naemam al geot gatdamyeon yeopeseo gachi ureojwoyo

naneun andoenabwayo yeoksi aningabwayo

eolmana deoureoya jedaero saranghalkkayo

gwitgaen simjangsori geudae ulligo

jiun ni beonho jiulsurok deouk ttoryeotaejigo

eonjebuteo eodibuteo meoreojingeonji

bunmyeonghi eojekkajin nal saranghaenneunde

oneul heeojyeosseoyo uri heeojyeosseoyo

naemam al geot gatdamyeon yeopeseo gachi ureojwoyo

naneun andoenabwayo yeoksi aningabwayo

eolmana deo ureoya jedaero saranghalkkayo

chamjohasseo neomu johaseo deo apeujyo

sarange tto sogeun naega miwo

geunyang naojimalgeol geunyang apeudahalgeol

uri saranghan gieok geuge neol butjaba jul tende

neoneun naeireul salgo naneun oneureul sara

amudo amugeotdo nal utgehal suneun eobseo

oneul heeojyeosseoyo uri heeojyeosseoyo

naemam al geot gatdamyeon yeopeseo gachi ureojwoyo

naneun andoenabwayo yeoksi aningabwayo eolmana

deo ureoya jedaero sarang halkkayo

TRANSLATIONS

*Oneul Heeojyeosseoyo / Broke up today*

After covering my face with a white muffler

I waited for you as I blinked my red-shot eyes

Those words I wanted to say

But not quiet sure what they were

An awkward nod with tightening throat

As we take a step back, the empty space between us is filled with tears

I angrily exclaimed, “Go”

And It seems like that I’ve already fled far far away.

Broke up today, we’ve broken up

If you think you can understand my heart, then please cry with me

I suppose I can’t be the one, I suppose it’s a no

How longer do I have to cry until you'll love me properly?

Your heartbeats and you echoes my eardrum

The lips locked away, gets clearer

Since when and where did we drift apart

When you've loved me till yesterday

Broke up today, we’ve broken up

If you think you can understand my heart, then please cry with me

I suppose I can’t be the one, I suppose it’s a no

How longer do I have to cry until you'll love me properly?

I was happy, I was so happy it pained more

I hate myself for getting tricked by love

I should have stayed and told you I was hurt

Our memories of love, that should be holding you back

You live tomorrow and I today

No one, nothing can make me smile

Broke up today, we’ve broken up

If you think you can understand my heart, then please cry with me

I suppose I can’t be the one, I suppose it’s a no

How longer do I have to cry until you'll love me properly?

7th december 2010, tuesday

Dear Summer,



The day started off badly. Pretty normal, really. None of my days were really great since you were gone. Especially now that I’m home, and had been for one month, everything’s getting worst. I still feel guilty. I’m still regretting. I still can’t believe that you’re really gone. That I won’t be able to see you again, see your smile, listen to your talking, and even laugh at you jokes. That’s what I miss the most about you. Your jokes- they could brighten up my darkest days, even when you didn’t know you’re doing it, or intended to. You just did.


When I’m at school, I saw you everywhere. At the canteen, sitting and having your small lunch at the first table in the middle. In the hallways, slouching your shoulders as you walk past doors after doors to the next class you’ll be in. In the staff room, where you sit and look around looking bored, just trying to pass the time, waiting for the school hours to end, so could go home and get to your own business.


But they were all just that- a memory. An image of you I created myself to help me through all of this. Imagining this to be normal and still having you around helps to ease the pain. I imagined that you’re still here, being the imam for our Zohor, Maghrib and Isya’ prayers. I imagined that you would be the one to take our class when the teacher who was supposed to come couldn’t make it. Just like old times. Yeah, just like when you were still alive.


It’s terrible.


The moment I got the news, I refused to believe it. I told myself time and time again that it was just some mean joke people were making. You couldn’t be dead already. You were barely 21, and still have your whole life ahead you. I insisted to think that you were still breathing, still alive. That I would meet you again when school starts, laugh at your jokes, make fun of you and will still time to apologize to you. To say sorry for all the mistakes I’d done. To hear you reciting the azan every day. Scolding us when we’re being noisy in the MUFAZ.


But sooner or later I had to. I had to believe it.


Slowly, I accepted the fact. But it’s too painful; it almost felt like a big part of me was ripped away. Like a big sword slashed on my heart and left the biggest gas there. I swear, my heart could be bleeding from all this pain.


The days felt empty. The hours ticked by. Nights and days passed like a blur. And all of us were left with no chance to repent for all our mistakes.


It was a hard time. The hardest thing I had to deal with.


And I still haven’t gotten over it yet. Until now.


I just miss you, big brother. I miss you a lot.

hm, ak pon confuse bk bg tittle pe

sumpa, ak cm agak2 benci idop cmni

hm, guess what? da same thing every single year. da same dillemma, ap ak nk ckp kt bdk2 ni ble dh nek skola nnt, ble diorg tye da same, expected question yg mmg everyone akn tye pd friends diorng ble dh smpi mase nek skola.

'cuti kau g mane weyh? citer rr'

dan ak pon every year akan terpisat-pisat nk crk jawapan yang agak munasabah utk soalan tuh. soalan yang ak dh start benci yang amat sejak ak masok skola menengah ni. sumpa, ak rse ak idop kt skola tuh lg byk jalan drpd blk rumah mase cuti. tiap2 ari bangun, makan, kemas rumah, hw, makan, tgk tv, internet, tidur.
every single day..

ak pon pelik, ape la taktik yang kekawan ak gne utk ajak parents mereka pg jejalan mse cuti nieyh.

seriously, the last aktiviti yg ak rse leyh lh jgk di consider sebagai 'jejalan' ngan family was that terrible trip to kelantan. and guess what? i HATED it. SO MUCH.

sbb pgi sne lerr, idong ak terseksa ya amat. dok dlm rmh tu rse cm dok dlm tong habuk. ak rse cm dh smpi seru je mse tu. mati sbb sedut habuk. maybe x pena ad dlm rekod sijil kematian sesape, but there's always a first time for everything.

emyl plak every year at least 2 countries die akan lawat. n sh2 lh, KOREA pn die dh jejak. dis year die nk g hong kong. aliaa lak now nieyh ngah enjoy, merindui Malaysia kt turki or russia, enta mne2 jela. n diana halim akan or mmg dh fly ke seoul, korea. aku? BANDAR PENAWAR  yang tercinta.

bgus. terima kasih.
thank you

aku nk keluar ngan kekawan g sunway men iceskating pon x leyh. nk g tgk movie pon haram.
nk men fb for hours pon, pooorahh. br bkk komputer dh kene leter. suro g study ler

hello, abes ak g skola, pe?

hmm

sick, sick.
hating every thing

n now kene demand cat rmh baru tu lk

sumpa ak benci giler everything about this holiday.

and i wont regret anything that i say here, coz they're all TRUE

heartbreak library

...................................................

what life taught me ;)

I’m glad my mom raised me up to be the person I am today.

I’m glad she didn’t give me just everything that I wanted that easily.

I’m glad she’s made me work to get them.

I’m glad mom didn’t tell me that we’re wealthy, but taught me to live a simple life with simple needs and no demands.

I’m glad she didn’t teach me to boast around about the things I have. I’m glad she’d taught me not to grieve on the things that I don’t have, but appreciate the things that I already have.

I’m glad my mom taught me that we came from a family that hoped on nothing but scraps and money from rubber-tapping everyday for a living, so I knew that we’ve started from nothing, not born into a wealth, all-having family.

I’m glad my dad’s not a Dato’, but a simple man who knows even how high he could get on top everyone else, he will still have someone higher than him.

I’m glad my family’s living a simple but happy life, instead of living wealthily but unhappily.

I’m glad my grandmother lived up to show me how money means nothing without love.

I’m glad I know I’m poor, and that I’m going to stay that way if I don’t do anything about it.

I’m glad I was sent to this place and know all types of people there are here, so I won’t be like them.

I’m glad Allah didn’t spoil me with money, wealth, everything.

I’m glad I still have my family to be with me when I’m happy or sad, instead of just my money.

I’m glad I feel disgusted when I see wealthy and rich people treating others like rubbish, because I would take note of how cruel and immoral people could get with power and money, and that they’ll turn out to be worst than animals.

I’m glad I’m not friends with those who don’t even know the difference between bawang and bawang besar, or kunyit and halia, or kulit kayu manis and cengkih, or timun and peria.

I’m glad I was born into a loving family, who gets happiness from nothing else but being with the people we loved.

I’m glad mom never forgets to remind me who I really am and who helped me to become who I am right now.

I’m glad I realized the fact that my life depended on other people, not only myself.

I’m glad I had friends who loved me and hurt me, so I know the difference between the good ones and the bad ones.

I’m glad I’ve had people who betrayed me, so they showed that not all people like me they way I am, and I’ll change for the better.

I’m glad that I have loved and lost, rather than never be in love at all.

I’m glad Allah gave me life.

I’m glad Allah took my brother away from me even before I could know him, because I He didn’t he would live just being hurt.

I’m glad I never got to with the person that I like, or else I would be doing nothing but waste my time.

I’m glad that I had no boyfriends at all.

I’m glad I was born a muslim, and thought to live that way as well.

heatbeat

today started of pretty badly, it rained in the morning, and im pretty worried that maybe it will rain again tonight. and just how could the bbq feast take place when it rains?

i just hope tonight's going to take off well. because it took a great deal of preparations, and i really want things to turn out the way i wanted. it's just so hard to get all my old friends together. hahaha,, pretty lame, isnt it?

hm. last night, there weren't any nightmares. since im home, they didnt come that often anymore. i guess its the pressure. im pretty stressed at school, so my mind kinda manipulates me through the nightmares. i think i can go off well nowadays, now that they're pretty gone. but next year, i dont know what's gonna happen.

life's like dat ;)

right now,  i just have to act strong, i guess.

hm. it would be downright lying if i say that i was not even the least bit hurt on what happened. to be honest im hurting, it dissapointed me to the point that i dont even want to be reminded of it anymore. there's nothing i wanted to do more at the time than get my head hit pretty hard on something and suddenly losing my memory. that would be better than trying to recover and pretend like id never felt anything ive felt before or pretend to not know those person uve known before.

well, like i say, life's like that. it'll never be go the way you wanted it to be. ive known about that all along. it's just weird why i was still keen on getting myself hurt on the first place.

in life, there's nothing more that i have to ask. i just want to be happy. to be appreciated for myself, not by trying to become someone else im not. but these people had a different idea, i guess.

well, i realise today that i dont want to care anymore. i would never again take the time to think about someone else. a few years back when someone told me the phrase 'in a selfish world, only the selfish succeeds', i thought it was superficial. selfish, i never wanted to be that way, i wanted to be kind and make everyone love me. but no, by being kind im just getting myself into more trouble. because people think that they could get all over me and get away with it, because i would never stand up for myself. now i know the relevance behind it all.the real reason why that person decided to keep with that philsophy in her life.

let's just say that i dont care.

ok, first things first

hm, actually i dnt like wasting my time on things that clearly wont bring any benefits to me.

if there's anything that i hate the most my whole life, it's a backstabber and a guy who dont appreciate.

well, if u combine the both of that, you'll kinda have a hint of what's going on now.

im back.

hm, sungguh ak rase sgt malu dgn diri sendiri.

agak2 nye ape lh yang ak blaja spnjang 11 bln ak kt skola nu ha?

sbb bile ak bkk balik buku add pgi tadi, aku rase cm nk nanges. sumpa, bkn memain. ak rase cm effort ak slame ni terbang cmtuh jerk. ape yang ak wat, actually? and how on earth ak leyh rase bangge dpt msk kelas paling atas padahal ak same je cm orang bodo yang x masok skola pon?

sungguh ak tensyen. dn kali ni mmg sgt2 tensyen.

skrg ni mmg ibu xpyh nk kene marah2 lg, sbb mmg ak dah ad kesedaran sendiri nk study. tapi masalahnya setiap kali ak bkk buku tuh, ak tau ak dh blaja tap mende2 tuh still rase cm unfamiliar. rase cm nk nanges. sgt2.

cmne ak nk amek spm nnt? sbb klu topik f4 pon ak x konker, pe lagi topik f5?

hmm..
ya Allah, ap lh ak dh wt ni?

positive ;)) +

well, im getting strong day by day, i can say that now.

jb

agak menyampahkan lh manusia tuh. bengang bagai ap ak melayan. tp wtv

huhu..
went to jb wif my mom and sister today. actually the real purpose was going to dat poliklinik utk wt bloodtest ibu, but den kami melencong smpi ke tebrau. ak mmg xkesa, sbb tuh mmg favourite spot ak walaupun ble ak dh smpi sane, ak tau ak xkn spend duit utk beli pape pon except kt harris. hahaha.. dpt lerr jgk ak melepaskan rindu kt abg harris tuh. pergh, mmg kangen bangat. setahun ak x jejak kaki kt situ. tgk2 dh ad album shinee kt sane. mmg nk nanges ak.. klu YOU br smpi malaysia dis year, dis means lucifer hanya akan smpi next year, and which means yang angan2 aku untuk memiliki walaupun satu cd shinee x kn terkabul sbb nxt year mmg kompem ak x kn jejak kaki kt harris lg. ye la,,, mak ak every year akan ulang mende yang same pd ak. smpi aku pon dpt hafal line die.

dptlh jgk ak beli ubi keledek bakar yang dh lame aku idam2kan tuh. kali ni kak ngah yang belanja. dh ubi keledek tuh jdk lebih manis sbb die yang belanja.. hahha

ibu pon dh belikan ubi keledek utk aku.

hm.
plan untuk wt reunion kali mcm menjadi jerk. cme kene berkorban sket sbb nk wt kt rmh aku. ak x kesa sgt, but hahaha nk memasak tuh yang aku malas. klu kau ingat mmg ak pena ckp yang ak agak x ske memasak2 nieyh. klu budak2 ni komen, siap ak cili mulut seko2.

hhheheheeheehehehehe..

oh.

kak ngah ak cop aku ni drama queen, sbb everywhere ak pegi, mesti akan ada drama. hahahah. which in my case, ak rase mende tuh bkn drama. ak rase mende tuh adalah mende yang sangat memalukan.

nazatul afira afendy kate, klu ad orang yang paling banyak melakukan mende yang memalukan diri sendiri, itulah aku. masalahnya ak bkn sengaja.

haha.

td kami ni tibe2 je kangen nk makan roti. so kami pergi lerr ke breadtalk. pujuk2 pye pujuk, kak ngah pon stuju lerr utk belikan roti untuk aku. so aku pon pilih lerr. n den tetibe mase tuh fina txt ak. ak yg tengah pegang dulang roti tuh, pon went typing away. and den ak pon jalan je la. sedar pye sedar, kak ngah ak ngah tarik baju aku. hehehe. rupenye ak x sdr ak dh kuar kedai tuh. dn dulang yang berisi roti yang belom dibayar tuh masih ada dalam tangan aku. dn kakak cashir yang jage kaunter tuh dh macam teragak2 nk tekan butang panggil security guard. kuss,, semangat. jangan lerr kau tekan, kak. kang masuk paper lakk ak wat kess nk curi roti ngah public cenggitu.

dn ak dgn penuh segan silunyer ponn kembali lerr ke pangkal jalan, dan kak ngah bayar lerr mereka tuh.

sumpa mmg ak x berani dh nk tengok mke kakak cashier tuh.

oo
hahahaha
dan mase kmi tgh dlm pasaraya jusco tuh, ak pon kuar sekejap. dn bagaikan para-para,


ak rase cm ngah lalu kt walk of fame. cm tetibe putera-putera raja daripada berbagai negara tgh wat surprise visit ke jusco tebrau tuh. mereka lalu di depan ak, beratur but still dlm keadaan hensem. hahaha. ak agak dlm 50 orang cenggitu kott. terpana aku, ternganga kott mulut ak mase tuh. pergh. ak pikir, gilerr ar. sumpa ak rase cm kt dlm fairytale.

kak ngah, i was wrong lerr. mat salleh mmg hensem. hahaha.. :))

dan kak ngah pon datang ke sebelah ak. die pon agak terbangak jgk, sbb x pena2 dibuat orang jejaka2 mat salleh datang ke jusco tebrau camtuh. ak rase ad skola overseas ngah wt fieldtrip kott ke jb nieyh.

kak ngah kate kt aku , 'ka, tuh ha pakwe kau'.

hahaha
merepek.

tp klu btul, ok jgk :))