number one for me. :D

the whole family came together last weekend, and it was a joyful, if not tiring time. of course, the house was in a complete mess, as expected every time when all of us come back for the holidays, but mom didnt seem to care much because it had been a very long time since she saw us. it was the first time that she saw me after i entered college, and eventhough there were countless conversations on the phone, there seemed to be still an endless list of things that i wanted to tell her about. sadly, i didnt have the time to do so, because the others are fighting over her attention as well. so i decided to stay by myself and maybe get my homework done (i quote, MAYBE). haha. 


college life has taken its toll on me. ive become a less-fun person to be with. because i cant tell my sister everything about college, so i had to be careful and filter every little bit of information carefully before i start saying anything that im surely going to regret in the future. seriously, these girls are piranhas. they see that you're a potential meal, they have no mercy. they'll scour all over you and leave nothing but bones. in other words, if you tell them something embarrassing, they're gonna taunt you about it for the rest of your life. which gives me all the more reason to miss a life with a brother. but not to worry, that'll come soon. :D


hehe. 

the blast

a very wise friend of mine once said, 'it's strange how you can find the best of friend in the most unexpected people'. 


well, considering that it's too soon to call this group of people my best friends, i'd say that things are fair enough for the time being. things didnt start quite well in the beginning, but then again, it could be only me who's thinking too badly about myself. but whatever it  was, im glad to claim that it's getting from good to better. this group of people, or strangers, which was what i used to think they were, is slowly gaining my trust and pulling down that invisible barrier ive created brick by brick to protect myself. 


im expecting to have the best of times here in kmb, eventhough there's a whole new environment and people to adapt to, not to mention with the presence of the opposite gender. it gets awkward in the beginning, especially at times when i completely forgot, and out of ignorance, did things i wasnt supposed to do when im in a co-ed alma mater. like burping out loud in the library, for instance. im saying this out of experience, and yeah, it's a rather embarassing one to talk about. 


all in all, im feeling great at the time. :D especially when tomorrow's drawing nearer with every minute that passes. im HAPPY!!!

miss invisible

There's a girl
Who sits under the bleachers
Just another day eating alone
And though she smiles
There is something she's hiding
And she cant' find a way to relate
She just goes unnoticed
As the crowd passes by
And she'll pretend to be busy
When inside she just wants to cry
She'll say...

[Chorus]
Take a little look at the life of Miss Always Invisible
Look a little harder, I really really want you to put yourself in her shoes
Take another look at the face of Miss Always Invisible
Look a little closer and maybe then you will see why she waits for the
day
When you'll ask her her name

The beginning, in the first weeks of class
She did everything to try and fit in
But the others they couldn't seem to get past all the things that
mismatched on the surface
And she would close her eyes when they left and as she fell down the
stairs
And the more that they joked
And the more that they screamed
She retreated to where she is now
And she'll sing...

[Chorus]
Take a little look at the life of Miss Always Invisible
Look a little harder I really, really want you to put yourself in her shoes,
yeah, yeah
Take a little look at the face of Miss Always Invisible
Look a little closer and maybe then you will see why she waits for the
day that
you will ask her name

Then one day, just the same as the last
Just, the days been in counting the time
Came a boy, that sat under the bleachers just a little bit further
behind...

because you dont understand

im physically and emotionally drained. i have no idea where this is heading, nor what im doing at the moment, or what path im taking to get wherever this is leading me. im tired of just going with the flow, and pretending to think that everything's completely okay. 

normality doesnt go well with my name. 

ive known from the start that this will be a rather disastrous environment to adapt into, and that i should be prepared for the worst-case scenarios in any time since the day i came here. but no amount of preparation either mentally, physically or emotionally can help me to get out from this mountain of trouble im so deep in. this is more like an impasse. there's no way out, but then again, how did you get in anyways? 

i know that this might sound childish coming from a 17 turning on 18 in just a few days' time, but this is what i couldnt say out loud. it wasnt that there were no great times at all, but if you ask me, id say that i prefer what i had before.