Slowly turning into a hermit

Hey.

So I have been neglecting you (an extremely unsuitable word to describe the real extent of the situation) for quire some time now. I am sorry. I truly am sorry, and I apologize from the deepest darkest corners of my heart. I do not have the time to write much in my IB days, what with the constantly coming assignments and essays to be done and all. not that I have much time in my hands now that I have finally made it to med school. but i have decided that I will at least make an effort to write more to you now that I am in third year. Yep, since the last I talked to you, so many things have changed. I am motherless now, for one. And I have somehow managed to survive IB with a score that I surprised myself with, considering I definitely did not pour in that much effort to deserve such a score. And i have spent 3 years as a foreigner in a country in europe- ireland. yep, that's right. i did not make it to uk, i got rejected here and there for that. made me into a hot mess back then, constantly getting rejected here and there. but i pulled through, and now im here, so it's pretty cool. well being here also means that i get to see my friend a lot more frequently than i definitely would if i do end up in uk, so i guess it's not really that bad being stuck in a dilapidated boring small old town- like many of my friends call it. to be honest, i quite fancy galway, actually. it is exactly the right type of place i imagine myself to spend living in my 20s. i love this place, actually. i adore it. so much.

well, that's how far i can get after not writing to you for a while. i cant go on typing because my hands already hurt so much from so much typing. i am so not used to this forgotten sensation! i will definitely try to find more time to write to you soon. till then, i love you.

bye!

GIVE ME BACK MY HUSBAND!!!

hm, ak x tau lerr ini dikire sbgi satu effect drpd ke-nervous-an ak utk balik smle ke skola an,,, but for me, ak pon clueless. hmm


is it possible that you like someone so much that you dream of getting married with them?

please lh ckp mende cmtuh normal. sbb sesuka mane pon ak pade ashraf muslim sblm nieyh, ak x pena smpi termimpi2 nak jadik gf die. and ak kenal die even before ak kenal taemin! hadoi!!!

klu setakat ak mimpi ak nieyh kawen ngan die kire ok lagi. tp tambah skali ngan drama tuh!!! hhahha. ble ingat balik rase konsyes pon ade, rse nak tergelak pon ade, rase nak menangis pon ad. sbb citer nieyh klu masok panggung akan dirating sbgi romance-thrille-humour lah. hahaha. complete. everything ade. klu masok dalam pencalonan drama terbaik kat korea, ak rse kitorang ade possibility untuk menang anugerah. hahaha. kitorang akan bolot every award yang exist mase tuh,

well, sah2 lah. sbb pelakon nyer sme cantik2 dan hensem2 belaka, yang memang sangat popular dikalangan rakyat korea especially noona2. sape lagi, klu bkn shinee members. dan ak dan sorang lagi pelakon perempuan korea yang ak x dpt cm mke die menyerupai sape.

ceritanya,, memang agak complicated sket. well, u know, namenye pon mimpi. so sekejap kau tgk kau ad kat sini, jadik president, skjp kau tgk kau dh tkr corrdinate ade kat tengah2 battlefield antare korea selatan ngan utara, kau jadik komander, tkg bgi arahan. kau kene bagi macam2 solution kepade problems anak buah kau. and tuh pon klu kan keep surviving lah.

hahaha

but in this dream, xde pon scene tuh sme. so to make thing easier for all of my fans out there, ak dah traslate kan mimpi ak nieyh sbgi sebuah citer yang ak tau korang sme akan enjoy athap gaban. ahahha. tuh pon klu korang kenal lah sape shinee members tuh. hehehe..

MAIN ACTOR, also my husband, LEE TAE MIN <3

this is CHOI MIN HO. if u've already fall for him, dont worry. i say dat's good. although korang kene suffer some heartbreaks lh. sbb die x pay attention sgt pde girls. hahaa.. hey, you knw wt dey say. 'LOVE IS NO PICNIC'

KIM JONGHYUN. ak just masokkan gambo die sbb die member shinee. otherwise,, no way. he doesnt actually have any significant role in this story. hahah

LEE JIN KI. orang yang paling responsible dlm group. happens to be taemin's saviour. plg cekap handle problems, n gives relevant ideas. sbb tuh die leader. <3

JANG YOO RIN. kawan yang join ak mse penculik tuh call

KIM KIBUM. plays a role yang kirenye significant lh gak. cme die ske memain. orang yang pling sayangkan taemin.

lastly, encik domo. org yang diupah untuk culik taemin.

GIVE ME BACK MY HUSBAND!!!!

Part 1
   "Soo Jin-ah. dont you think this house's a little too big for both of you? why did he buy this mansion on the first place?" Jang Yoo Rin, my best friend asked me. i stiffled a giggle when i heard how really baffled she was after we went through half of the house taemin and i had just moved in. well, it's not really a house. more like a castle to me.


   I pulled Yoo Rin along the corridors to the study, and motioned for her to sit while i get some books to read. "well," i laughed childishly, "taemin said it should be big, otherwise there wouldn't be enough room when we get one whole team of football players in the house!"


   "eh? you're renting the rooms for football players?" she asked a bit too enthusiasthically. I shrugged. Jang Yoo Rin. what a waste. it's such a pity to see someone so pretty having a brain the size of a pea. "No, pabo. what he meant was... oh, you get the picture," right. as if im gonna explain that to her. it's a husband-wife's business!!


   the house was huge. everything was fully-furnished, and all of them were to my liking. taemin was out, or i think he was. i picked out some books and when im satisfied with my choices, climbed down the stairs which i used to reach the books which were too high off for for me to get.


   "dont you have any schedules today, Yoo Rin?" i went through the synopsis of the books while walking out of the study. Yoo Rin must've clambered right after me when she saw me leaving the room. a bitt out of breathe, but she managed to match my long strides. "nope. huh, im not really that busy nowadays. anyway, where's taemin?"


   well, that's weird. i remembered him telling me that he's got a schedule today at mbc. if it really is so, then Yoo Rin must've known, because she's the daughter of the SHINee group's manager hyung. I halted, and Yoo Rin bumped right into me.


   "what did you just say?" i asked her.


   "well, i asked where's taemin?"


   without me noticing, my eyebrows frowned. " i thought he said he's got a schedule at mbc today. didn't he?"


   "well, not until 5pm. they're going to make a performance at inkigayo live. they have free time for the rest of the day. i thought he told dad..."


   that was it. the books slipped out of my hand as i gripped Yoo Rin's shoulders tightly. it shocked her, of course. " what did he tell your dad?"


   "relax, Soo Jin-ah. i was just going to tell you that taeminnie told dad that he's going off to some florist in town to buy some flowers for you. he's going to make dinner for you two tonight. oh, great. now im the bad guy. you made me break my promise to taeminnie!"

  "but Yoo Rin, that's impossible. he left his wallet at home, and his coat's still hanging in the closet! if he really did left, he would've taken them along with him, right?"


   Yoo Rin seemed to get what i was talking about. if taemin wasn't going to where he told the manager hyung he was going, and he's not at MBC too, and the fact that he left the coat and his wallet home, there could be no other possibility...


   "Soo Jin-ah! pick up the phone! it's me, LEE TAE MIN!" my phone suddenly vibrated. a call from taemin uppa. he'd recorded his voice and set it as my ringtone, so i would know that he's the one calling. that way, it wouldnt take me a long time to answer the phone, he told me childishly.


   with my trembling hands, i reached into my pocket and took the LG Cookie Taemin uppa gave me for my birthday. i tapped the green button and took the phone to my ear.


   "what do you want from me?!!" i yelled at the top of my lungs. i could see Yoo Rin slightly shocked to see me answering Taemin uppa's call like that, but i knew better who i was talking to at the time.


   "oh, it seems that you're a little quicker that i thought you were, Lee Soo Jin," i heard a laughter at the other end, and small panting slightly visible in the background. i recognize the tone of voice. in fact, i could recognize it anywhere.


   "Taemin uppa!! you bastard, what did you do to him?! what do you want??!!!!"


   he laughed again. this time, the pant that i heard from the background had turned into a scream, a painful sound that i tried so hard to shield myself from. i didnt want to hear it.


   "simple. we don't want money. all you have to do is follow my instructions, and you Taemin will be fine,"


   he laughed again, and the line went dead.


   I was shaken. when i got the news, i completely lost hold of myself. I felt myself giving in, as if the whole world around me collapsed and burried me deep down in the rumble, right then and there. it felt like a sudden eathquake had erupted. the ground shook under me, and i heard a loud, shrill scream in my head. i started feeling claustrophobic, despite the wide space i was in. that was it. i panicked.


   it turned out that the shrill screaming came from me. i was screaming my heart out and it took Yoo Rin's whole strength to pull me into a couch and calm me down.


   "who called?" she held my face with both hands and focused on my eyes. "Lee Soo Jin! what happened? who called? what did they tell you? talk to me! Lee Soo Jin!!"


   my whole body shook violently. i lost grasp of the whole sittuation. my eyes start to water, and i gripped Yoo Rin's hands for strength.


   with much struggle, i blurted the words out along with all the confidence and bravery i had inside me. i was giving in to fear.


   "they've got him. Taemin uppa! They took Taemin uppa!!!"

* * * * * * * * *
   The other SHINee uppas came right after they received the news. 5 minutes after Yoo Rin called them and informed them about them what happened, flustered and worried-looking Onew uppa, Key uppa, and Minho uppa came bursting through the front door.


   Onew uppa was the first one to confront me. He gave me a brotherly hug and a light peck on my forehead to tell me that he would be there all the way to help. his deep, hazel eyes looked deeply into mine, searching for answers to the questions that were clouding his mind. in them, i found warmth. there was something about the deep stare that made me feel like everything would turn out fine. it radiates warmth and brotherly affection.


   "Soo Jin-ah, is it true? did they take Taemin?" he asked.


   I looked away to hide a tear that managed to escape my eye. 'shoot,' i told myself. 'stop crying, Soo Jin. you must be strong for Taemin uppa!'


   "Did they ask for ransom money? how much? dont worry, Soo Jin-ah! we'll definitely pay whatever amount it woud be," Key uppa stepped in. from the way they were dressed- Key uppa with red overalls, red skinny pants and red boots, Minho uppa with the black jacket that fell just above his knee and Onew uppa with the brown jacket topped over a simple t-shirt, i could see that they were supposed to be performing at the broadcasting station for 'Hello' on Inkigayo. just like what Taemin told me. that made me fell worse. Taemin's outfit was white.. and i had just pressed (ironed) them the night before, thinking that he'd be wearing them to his schedule. but he wont be able to,,


   "they havent asked for anything yet," Yoo Rin came in and placed three cups of chamomile tea for the guests. “but they way I see it, they don’t seem to..”


   “aigo, how are you supposed to ‘seem’ anything? We haven’t even seen them made any moves yet. You should just shut that big mouth up, Jang Yoo Rin,” Key uppa glared at her and gave me a warm smile.


   “chet, this little bastrad,” I heard Yoo Rin murmuring under her breath. “you should be the one to shut up, sissy!”


   “ahboe? You called me a sissy? Chet!”


   “dae! Just look at you! Hahahahahaha!!!” Yoo Rin faked a laugh. I swear, I could see both of them holding their tongues out at each other secretly.


   “both of you, shut up already!” Onew uppa bellowed. The whole room went mute. Both Key uppa and Yoo Rin stopped glaring at each other and looked away. Seriously, I’ve never seen Onew uppa so mad that his cheeks turned red from anger. “this is not about you guys! Don’t you realize that we have a grim situation here? Taemin’s been held as hostage! You’re not making things easier for Soo Jin! Do you think she’s going to be fine with it?!” he yelled, or blustered.


   “Onew uppa, that’s okay. Let them go, huh?” I held his hand for a assurance and quickly let go. His hand reminded me so much of Taemin’s…


   “I should just ask the manager hyung to just marry you guyssee if it settles the problem or not. Hmph,” he grunted.


   “mianhae, Onew uppa,” Yoo Rin murmured, obviously shaken by Onew uppa’s outburst.


   “well, you should be!” Key uppa said mockingly.


   “Key!” once again, the room was shaken by Onew uppa’s yell.


   “What?” Key uppa askes, obviously not catching up with the situation. By the look of it, I should be expecting that Onew uppa’s going to punch him right then and there.


   Instead, it was Minho uppa who came right next to Key uppa and gave him a knuckle sandwich, causing him to stumble. “Ya, Pabo! Apologize. Bbangkkus,”


   “What is this?! I’m older than you!! Have a little respect!” Key uppa said childishly.


   “yeah, right. By a few months. Now apologize to her,” minho uppa gave him a flash of his flaming charisma look and it had an immediate effect to him. Key uppa held out his hand to Yoo Rin. “Mianhae,” slightly sticking out his tongue out at her again as he said the word out. Yoo Rin accepted his hand and squezzed so hard that Key uppa cringed in agitation.


   Watching their ‘gags’ helped me to calm down and forget about the problem for a while. For a while there, I managed tolaugh and it seemed to die down the suspense and tight atmosphere in the room.

* * * * * * *


   “so, you’re telling me, that ‘psycho’,” Minho uppa made the open and close quote sign using his fingers, “told you that they’re not going to ask for ransom money?” his eyebrows furrowed, curious of the uncanny situation. A kidnapper who doesn’t want money? Now that’s kinda stupid.


   I managed to nod as an answer, still shaken by the second call from the kidnapper. This time, it wasn’t just a scream. I could hear Taemin uppa’s voice so faint in the background. He was calling out my name,, asking me not to do anything they wanted.


   “remember, Soo Jin. If you want you husband safe, it’s not money. But you have to play a GAME,”


   “a game. He wanted me to play a game.” I said. Every head in the room turned to me. I shrugged, and explain everything to them. The kidnapper didn’t want ransom money. In fact, they didn’t want Taemin at all. It’s clear that they wanted me. Dead or alive, I didn’t know. But as long as im staying here, and not doing anything, Taemin uppa would be probably dead. Because they cared less about keeping him alive. All they ever wanted was me.

    Victoria. i didn’t know why and what motive she would have, but I was certain that it was her behind all of this.


   “now that I noticed, where’s Jonghyun uppa?” Yoo Rin asked.


   Minho shrugged and kicked a ball of dust at his feet. “That rascal. Jonghyun hyung went out with Shin Se-Kyung the moment we managed to flee from the broadcasting station,”


   “You fleed??!” I almost yelled. Onew uppa and Key uppa both turned to Minho uppa, accusing him for busting their secret.


   “well, they wouldn’t let us come, so we…”


   “Uppa! What were you guys thinking! You couldn’t just leave! They’re going to charge you for going against the contract! The company’s probably going to turn you in and wont let you do any shows from now on!”


   “it’s okay, Soo Jin-ah,” Onew uppa breathed.


   “No, it’s not okay! You need the money, uppa! And can you imagine what the company’s going to do in order to punish you for this? And it’s all because of me!”




   “Soo Jin-ah, stop accusing yourself. We’re here because we care for you and Taemin. Now let’s just focus on the problem, okay? We’ll find a way to settle our problem with the company later,”


   I felt horrible. Not only Taemin was kidnapped and been kept hostage because of me, but the uppas too! They’re seriously going to get it from the CEO. Everything that happened was because of me. I couldn’t help but cry. I felt like a monster.


  Just then. Yoo Rin came running through the door, a panicked expression on her face. By the look of it, I could sense that there’s bad news. Obviously.


   Yoo Rin stopped in front of Key uppa and said weakly, “it’s dad. They killed dad…” and then she fell.




TO BE CONTINUED.

GIVE ME BACK MY HUSBAND PART 2

wut?

haha. i sure do miss this blog, but ive got college to attend to and assignments to work on. and a big project's coming our way and it's likely that i dont know what's going to happen with my sem's results. id probably be dead already by then. anyways, sorry for leaving you behind. oh my you're so dusty. and my writing skills have been left behind for so long that i might have started to sound premature. hehe wih wiii sorry gotta go back now. 

time

it takes time to heal. i understand that. been there, done that. 


no matter how many people who come up to him and tell him that it's fine that he didnt win, and we're still proud of him, it's not going to be okay for him. people might get over this loss sure fast, seasons will pass and people will stop talking about it and move on. but to him, he'll always be there on that court, reviewing back the last few moments of his shattered dream. 


losing doesnt hurt. disappointment does. ive said that quite a few times already, because that means a lot to those who have real dreams. those who've worked their whole life to just reach to that phase, being so close to achieving their dream, just to watch it fall into pieces. 


it took me a month to get over the loss i had in debating. and i was just 17, that meant i still havent dedicate my everything for that dream. and what about him? he's practically worked all his life just to get there. 


i just hope he'll be strong enough to get through this. because there's surely more to come for him. 


he didnt win not because he's not worth it, it just means that Allah has wayyyy better things planned for him. 

with that, i rest my case.

it's been a tough week. my bio lab practical ended awfully, with us again being tortured mentally by the annoying absence of the darling yeast-ies under our light microscope. it'd been the third time that we've used that dang thing, and im getting annoyed with it real fast. where the heck is the pro in you when you're in need of one? it's like them all microscopes in the world are in a pact against me. just you wait till i get that medical degree. then you'll see what kind of doctor i'll be. 


it's supposed to be the holidays from friday till next monday, but given the amount homework we've got, and such little time left for personal entertainment, you can say that im pretty parched now. not only did my parents not let me come home, (it does not necessarily mean that, but i used that translation instead as it emphasizes the fact that im victimised. please,) im also blessed with the chance of devoting my precious free time for assignments. o, i feel stupid. partly because i dont get it why i cant remember what ive learned in high school, and mostly because im here, typing away on my blog. seriously, man. i should find a way to get this addiction killed. someone, please keep me away from my lappy. im going crazy. for real. 

of new beginnings

it's strange for me to acknowledge that the most beautiful things life can present to you comes in the smallest packages, and because we're too busy judging and trying to pick the biggest and best out of the rest, we tend to belittle those small packages that carried in them such big treasures.


i never really feel fulfilled with the things ive already have in life. for me, there's always something that's lacking. there's always that something that i needed, or to put things straight, i thought i needed. my grades should be a level higher, i should look at least as pretty as the other girls, that new cosmetic brand should be mine. it's so easy to feel victimised and find people or situations to rest your blame on. and we've always thought that it was acceptable. everyone does that. there's always someone or something to blame. we cant be wrong.


but what happened today completely altered that small, uncivilised view i used to have to the world. why is it that easy and acceptable for people to freely feel ungrateful to the things that Allah have bestowed upon them? why does there always need to be conditions or people to blame, and why does everyone thinks that it's okay, even if it's not the right thing to do? why do we always feel the urge to be better, or at least as good as everyone else? why is it always not enough? 


this is hard for me, because it came as a slap across my face. it yelled- "wake up, you bitch! look at what you're missing when you're too busy regretting!"


i should feel thankful that i came here. that i met all these special people, who in their very own wonderful ways have succeeded in making me change my mind. these people have made me regain consciousness from that long slumber i'd been in for the last 17 years. this could be the best thing that had ever happened in my entire life, and i would never be able to forget any of this. there's more to come. more days will be spent reviewing and thanking Allah for all the things He'd blessed me with. 


i dont mind being normal. and i dont mind hanging out with these special people as well. it's crazy to think that others tend to stay away from them just because they have an extra chromosome 21 or look different from the rest of us. 


believe that there's more to it that meets the eye. they smile all the time. they laugh. they scream when they get angry, and maybe they'll annoy you at times because they dont understand. they view things differently than the rest of us, but that doesnt mean that makes them a level lower. these people are special in their very own way. they're born to make us see that humanity is still here, and it's here to stay. they're born to remind us of true love that knows no boundaries. they live to show us that eventhough the inevitable could happen, it wont be able to break us, if we defy it before it does. 


dont be afraid of making mistakes. dont be afraid to approach them and show that you care. because that's what they need most from us- attention. 


that's the least thing we could do. 

number one for me. :D

the whole family came together last weekend, and it was a joyful, if not tiring time. of course, the house was in a complete mess, as expected every time when all of us come back for the holidays, but mom didnt seem to care much because it had been a very long time since she saw us. it was the first time that she saw me after i entered college, and eventhough there were countless conversations on the phone, there seemed to be still an endless list of things that i wanted to tell her about. sadly, i didnt have the time to do so, because the others are fighting over her attention as well. so i decided to stay by myself and maybe get my homework done (i quote, MAYBE). haha. 


college life has taken its toll on me. ive become a less-fun person to be with. because i cant tell my sister everything about college, so i had to be careful and filter every little bit of information carefully before i start saying anything that im surely going to regret in the future. seriously, these girls are piranhas. they see that you're a potential meal, they have no mercy. they'll scour all over you and leave nothing but bones. in other words, if you tell them something embarrassing, they're gonna taunt you about it for the rest of your life. which gives me all the more reason to miss a life with a brother. but not to worry, that'll come soon. :D


hehe. 

the blast

a very wise friend of mine once said, 'it's strange how you can find the best of friend in the most unexpected people'. 


well, considering that it's too soon to call this group of people my best friends, i'd say that things are fair enough for the time being. things didnt start quite well in the beginning, but then again, it could be only me who's thinking too badly about myself. but whatever it  was, im glad to claim that it's getting from good to better. this group of people, or strangers, which was what i used to think they were, is slowly gaining my trust and pulling down that invisible barrier ive created brick by brick to protect myself. 


im expecting to have the best of times here in kmb, eventhough there's a whole new environment and people to adapt to, not to mention with the presence of the opposite gender. it gets awkward in the beginning, especially at times when i completely forgot, and out of ignorance, did things i wasnt supposed to do when im in a co-ed alma mater. like burping out loud in the library, for instance. im saying this out of experience, and yeah, it's a rather embarassing one to talk about. 


all in all, im feeling great at the time. :D especially when tomorrow's drawing nearer with every minute that passes. im HAPPY!!!

miss invisible

There's a girl
Who sits under the bleachers
Just another day eating alone
And though she smiles
There is something she's hiding
And she cant' find a way to relate
She just goes unnoticed
As the crowd passes by
And she'll pretend to be busy
When inside she just wants to cry
She'll say...

[Chorus]
Take a little look at the life of Miss Always Invisible
Look a little harder, I really really want you to put yourself in her shoes
Take another look at the face of Miss Always Invisible
Look a little closer and maybe then you will see why she waits for the
day
When you'll ask her her name

The beginning, in the first weeks of class
She did everything to try and fit in
But the others they couldn't seem to get past all the things that
mismatched on the surface
And she would close her eyes when they left and as she fell down the
stairs
And the more that they joked
And the more that they screamed
She retreated to where she is now
And she'll sing...

[Chorus]
Take a little look at the life of Miss Always Invisible
Look a little harder I really, really want you to put yourself in her shoes,
yeah, yeah
Take a little look at the face of Miss Always Invisible
Look a little closer and maybe then you will see why she waits for the
day that
you will ask her name

Then one day, just the same as the last
Just, the days been in counting the time
Came a boy, that sat under the bleachers just a little bit further
behind...

because you dont understand

im physically and emotionally drained. i have no idea where this is heading, nor what im doing at the moment, or what path im taking to get wherever this is leading me. im tired of just going with the flow, and pretending to think that everything's completely okay. 

normality doesnt go well with my name. 

ive known from the start that this will be a rather disastrous environment to adapt into, and that i should be prepared for the worst-case scenarios in any time since the day i came here. but no amount of preparation either mentally, physically or emotionally can help me to get out from this mountain of trouble im so deep in. this is more like an impasse. there's no way out, but then again, how did you get in anyways? 

i know that this might sound childish coming from a 17 turning on 18 in just a few days' time, but this is what i couldnt say out loud. it wasnt that there were no great times at all, but if you ask me, id say that i prefer what i had before. 

leaving on a jet plane

All my bags are packed, I'm ready to go
I'm standin' here outside your door
I hate to wake you up to say goodbye

But the dawn is breakin', it's early morn
The taxi's waitin', he's blowin' his horn
Already I'm so lonesome I could die

So kiss me and smile for me
Tell me that you'll wait for me
Hold me like you'll never let me go

'Cause I'm leaving on a jet plane
I don't know when I'll be back again
Oh, babe, I hate to go


There's so many times I've let you down
So many times I've played around
I'll tell you now, they don't mean a thing

Every place I go, I think of you
Every song I sing, I sing for you
When I come back I'll wear your wedding ring

So kiss me and smile for me
Tell me that you'll wait for me
Hold me like you'll never let me go

'Cause I'm leaving on a jet plane
I don't know when I'll be back again
Oh, babe, I hate to go

Now the time has come to leave you
One more time, oh, let me kiss you
And close your eyes and I'll be on my way

Dream about the days to come
When I won't have to leave alone
About the times that I won't have to say ...

Oh, kiss me and smile for me
Tell me that you'll wait for me
Hold me like you'll never let me go

'Cause I'm leaving on a jet plane
I don't know when I'll be back again
Oh, babe, I hate to go

And I'm leaving on a jet plane
I don't know when I'll be back again
Oh, babe, I hate to go

But I'm leaving on a jet plane

wanna grow old with you :D

just some old westlife song ive been hearing a lot recently. 

it's sweet!!! :D

lost

a problem can be solved. wars can end with peace. a shattered glass can be glued back together. lost times can be replaced and redeemed. 

but how do you fix a broken friendship? 

and how to find a way to save a relationship when you know that it's already all to late to start anew? 

how do you find the courage to trust the same person when you've been betrayed time and time again?

and how can you refrain yourself from loving the same person you did when you knew you already had reasons to love them in the past?

these miss you nights

I've had many times I can tell you
Times when innocence I'd trade for company
And children saw me crying
I thought I had my share of that
But these miss you nights are the longest


Midnight diamonds stud my heaven
Southwards burning like the jewels that eye your place
And the warm winds that embrace me
Just as surely kissed your face
Yet those miss you nights they're the longest



Lay down all thoughts of your surrender
It's only me who's killing time
play down all dreams once remembered
It's just the same this miss you game

Thinking of my going
How to cut the thread and leave it all behind
Looking windwards, for my compass
I take each day as it arrives
But these miss you nights are the longest


But these miss you nights are the longest


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and the past memories wont go away. 

new place, new faces, new things to learn, but same feelings for the same person.

the thing im going to miss most when i leave home  will be the sky. 


it's always the perfect shade of blue here when it's sunny and there's always clouds in the sky. whenever it gets too hot to bear outside, the wind blows soothingly and the wind chime i hung at the porch tingles. the heat doesnt bother me, because it means that it's once again laundry day, and i dont have to worry about the clothes hung outside to dry. for all five years ive spent in stf, ive never come across a day when the sky there in jb could compare with here in my hometown. the color blue always seems to be a few shades paler, and duller. that's the reason ive never bothered to look up and enjoy the sky there in stf. because it made me feel bad about missing my hometown again and again. 


these 7 months ive spent at home, ive learned a lot of things about my parents, and most importantly, myself. ive discovered that i was a bad cook, and an awful planner as well, which made my father had to endure months of having just bread, butter and sugar for breakfast. ive learned the fact that im good at learning a new language when im really interested in it, and ive found out that there's nothing wrong in admitting that you've made a mistake everytime you did. thanks to dr oz, ive learned a lot of things about healthcare even before i started college and majoring in medicine. ive spent lots of time watching medical tv shows, reading self-help books, playing with my cats, doing the chores at home, cycling around the neighbourhood, making new friend(s), losing old ones, and putting my heart back into place. i could say that time was not wasted on me. ive improved a great deal back here at home. 


somewhere at some point in time, i know that i wont be able to enjoy the simplest things in life the way i do right now. time has its way of taking away the youthful carefree feelings and innocence away from someone. no matter how many times i declared that i wont let anything change the way i see life, i know that the inevitable will occur, in any ways it can through. years from now i'll be burdened with new responsibilities, my mind will be bearing new ideas, i'll know new people, forget the old friends i had, and i'll have less time to spend for friends, family and who knows? myself. 


but before any of that can happen, im trying as hard as i could to make sure that i'll be able to enjoy life in any ways possible so i wont regret later on in life, when all of this dissipated. 


not many people knows that the things in our life are not there to stay. and so, they keep on with their businesses, postponing time to just look around and enjoy the wonderful little things Allah has given us humans. they thought that the sky will always remain blue tomorrow, and the day after that, when in truth, it wont. 


and so i'll keep reminding myself to turn around once in a while and look out my window to see the miracles unfolding in the world outside. i'll keep on looking up into the sky, and remember how perfect the sky here looks, and how pleasant it is to feel the heat from the sun on my skin. 


remember, the blue sky is not here to stay. that cute kitten will not stay small forever. the weather will not always be nice. that girl who loves you secretly wont be able to wait for you forever. 


you just need to look around, just once, and see that the one you've been waiting for your whole life time had always been there with you. 


but you've never noticed them. or her.



ddt: 140408 285 0812 and counting.