time

it takes time to heal. i understand that. been there, done that. 


no matter how many people who come up to him and tell him that it's fine that he didnt win, and we're still proud of him, it's not going to be okay for him. people might get over this loss sure fast, seasons will pass and people will stop talking about it and move on. but to him, he'll always be there on that court, reviewing back the last few moments of his shattered dream. 


losing doesnt hurt. disappointment does. ive said that quite a few times already, because that means a lot to those who have real dreams. those who've worked their whole life to just reach to that phase, being so close to achieving their dream, just to watch it fall into pieces. 


it took me a month to get over the loss i had in debating. and i was just 17, that meant i still havent dedicate my everything for that dream. and what about him? he's practically worked all his life just to get there. 


i just hope he'll be strong enough to get through this. because there's surely more to come for him. 


he didnt win not because he's not worth it, it just means that Allah has wayyyy better things planned for him. 

with that, i rest my case.

it's been a tough week. my bio lab practical ended awfully, with us again being tortured mentally by the annoying absence of the darling yeast-ies under our light microscope. it'd been the third time that we've used that dang thing, and im getting annoyed with it real fast. where the heck is the pro in you when you're in need of one? it's like them all microscopes in the world are in a pact against me. just you wait till i get that medical degree. then you'll see what kind of doctor i'll be. 


it's supposed to be the holidays from friday till next monday, but given the amount homework we've got, and such little time left for personal entertainment, you can say that im pretty parched now. not only did my parents not let me come home, (it does not necessarily mean that, but i used that translation instead as it emphasizes the fact that im victimised. please,) im also blessed with the chance of devoting my precious free time for assignments. o, i feel stupid. partly because i dont get it why i cant remember what ive learned in high school, and mostly because im here, typing away on my blog. seriously, man. i should find a way to get this addiction killed. someone, please keep me away from my lappy. im going crazy. for real. 

of new beginnings

it's strange for me to acknowledge that the most beautiful things life can present to you comes in the smallest packages, and because we're too busy judging and trying to pick the biggest and best out of the rest, we tend to belittle those small packages that carried in them such big treasures.


i never really feel fulfilled with the things ive already have in life. for me, there's always something that's lacking. there's always that something that i needed, or to put things straight, i thought i needed. my grades should be a level higher, i should look at least as pretty as the other girls, that new cosmetic brand should be mine. it's so easy to feel victimised and find people or situations to rest your blame on. and we've always thought that it was acceptable. everyone does that. there's always someone or something to blame. we cant be wrong.


but what happened today completely altered that small, uncivilised view i used to have to the world. why is it that easy and acceptable for people to freely feel ungrateful to the things that Allah have bestowed upon them? why does there always need to be conditions or people to blame, and why does everyone thinks that it's okay, even if it's not the right thing to do? why do we always feel the urge to be better, or at least as good as everyone else? why is it always not enough? 


this is hard for me, because it came as a slap across my face. it yelled- "wake up, you bitch! look at what you're missing when you're too busy regretting!"


i should feel thankful that i came here. that i met all these special people, who in their very own wonderful ways have succeeded in making me change my mind. these people have made me regain consciousness from that long slumber i'd been in for the last 17 years. this could be the best thing that had ever happened in my entire life, and i would never be able to forget any of this. there's more to come. more days will be spent reviewing and thanking Allah for all the things He'd blessed me with. 


i dont mind being normal. and i dont mind hanging out with these special people as well. it's crazy to think that others tend to stay away from them just because they have an extra chromosome 21 or look different from the rest of us. 


believe that there's more to it that meets the eye. they smile all the time. they laugh. they scream when they get angry, and maybe they'll annoy you at times because they dont understand. they view things differently than the rest of us, but that doesnt mean that makes them a level lower. these people are special in their very own way. they're born to make us see that humanity is still here, and it's here to stay. they're born to remind us of true love that knows no boundaries. they live to show us that eventhough the inevitable could happen, it wont be able to break us, if we defy it before it does. 


dont be afraid of making mistakes. dont be afraid to approach them and show that you care. because that's what they need most from us- attention. 


that's the least thing we could do.